To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Self care

Guest blog: The art of self care

​​The following blog post is from my friend and blog helper, Ashley, who is an education reporter in St. Louis. (Photo credit: Pexels)​​

I’m an outgoing introvert. Weird, right?

There is such a stigma around introversion that makes people think you’re bound to be a cat lady — or dog lady, in my case — who has a DVR packed with shows and no friends to go grab a bite with.

Au contraire. I have a dog, no television and I spend plenty of time with my pals.

But being an introvert, or someone who needs to recharge while being by myself, means I keep a pretty tight leash on my calendar, like Lori talked about in Tuesday’s post. In fact, it’s safe to say I’m a little obsessive about my priorities.

It’s not because I’m stingy with my time. It’s so I can share the best version of myself with each of the people I spend time with, whether it’s a source I’m grabbing mid-morning coffee with, a friend during happy hour or a grocery trip with grandma.

Covet your calendar. And schedule time for yourself each day.

Do you have a routine in place that gives you some time to reflect or recharge? Even extroverts need that. For me, it’s my hour or so at the gym each morning. For some it’s a long walk. A trip to Starbucks.

Here are a few suggestions for recharging that you can hopefully supplement with Lori’s point this week about taking control of your calendar for your best yes:

  • Meditate: So many of my friends are raving about the Headspace app that I’m tempted to buy it. There’s a free option that I tried a while back during a time when I didn’t let the value soak in. Headspace is a 10 minute per day guided meditation via an app. One of my friends uses the last bit of his lunch break each day to get his 10 minutes in before giving his attention back to the world. He swears by it.
  • Practice gratitude: Yogis, whom I respect, are big into gratitude. Heck, it’s part of some eastern religions, too. We could all get better at this. During your next drive, I challenge you to give it a shot, but focus inward. Turn the music down. Think about the things you did this week that you’re rightfully proud about. Let the feeling of productivity and gratitude for your own strength wash over you. I’ll try this, too.

Here’s a list of more ideas from a blog site, PopSugar, about self care. Read up and enjoy.​​

Hello February! Let it be powerful & sweet (and short)

(Photo Creds: We Heart It)

I am SO glad it’s February… Just weeks away from spring now, regardless of that dang groundhog – we all know it’s coming soon.

February used to be known for Valentine’s Day and of course that is a great time to spread love all around. Over the last several years the American Heart Association’s Go Red for Women movement has given February a powerful purpose: raising awareness that heart disease is the leading killer of women in our country.

Often, like in the case of my Aunt Mary, it sneaks up on us disguised as indigestion or nausea. That was over 25 years ago. Just last week, a friend shared that one of her close group of friends, in their early 50s lost her life to heart disease very unexpectedly in October under similar circumstances – the symptoms didn’t scream heart disease, so it was overlooked.

This tells me one clear thing: While we have made great strides in 25 years, we still have a lot of work to do. Too often, women think it’s normal to be tired or that that stomach pain is just “something I ate.” We don’t take care of ourselves like we should.

So for today, here is a simple reminder that it is worth your time to familiarize yourself and those ladies you love about the facts surrounding heart disease and women, ANNUALLY. This is a GREAT month to step up to the plate and help ensure we are getting this information out. It’s a short month, but still a POWERFUL time to save lives.

Here are some of the valuable insights you can find at the Go Red for Women website:

  • Cardiovascular disease or stroke causes 1 in 3 women’s death each year.
  • 90% of women have one or more risk factors for heart disease or stroke.
  • 80% of heart disease and stroke may be prevented by lifestyle changes and education.
  • Fewer women than men survive their first heart attack.
  • Heart attack warning signs include chest discomfort that lasts more than a few moments, or that goes away and comes back…
  • Symptoms can include discomfort in other areas of the upper body… one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw or stomach.
  • Also, shortness of breath with or without chest discomfort.
  • Other signs may include breaking out in a cold sweat, nausea or a lightheaded feeling.

Educate yourself and others! Craft a Facebook post to share that shares these symptoms – or share this blog!

Out of the chaos….

(Photo creds: We Heart It)

(Photo creds: We Heart It)

This could be my hand, but it isn’t. I know that on Sunday, my insight was on the importance of focusing on the season – the true meaning, the richness, the depth… I do believe that by the way, and I am absolutely counting on it this year.

Today however, I want to expose the very idea that we are human. Not only that, but humans in a potentially hazardous world. A world thriving on “being busy,” capitalism, etc. We all would like, from time to time, to get in the car (preferably a fantasy car; something fast, fun and that meets our every need with a great stereo, warmth and cooled seats) and drive right out of the city… out of town… out of the chaos.

The very idea of being surrounded by family offers both a deep sense of warmth and gratitude, and a bit of a stir to get the heck out of dodge. To run from the possible side conversations and dinner table topics that could ignite a family disaster. I mean, who really did you vote for? You get the idea. Who wants to upset their favorite uncle anyway? Isn’t it better to just get the heck out before you say what you really feel.

This isn’t limited to family. This is true for work, and I love my career. That doesn’t mean however, that there aren’t more than a few days that I want to jump in a getaway car and have some extraordinarily fun accomplice drive me out of town to some getaway; one that offers a reprieve from crazy people and processes that just might bury a less-strong person.

I hope you all can identify. So, here is the insight for the day: take a drive.

Leave before the chaos reaches the front porch. (Too often, we follow the Darwinian approach and dive right in… but not today.) We have this freedom that we don’t use often enough. Pick a friend that you feel yourself with… It may be a 7-year-old niece, a college roommate or a work colleague. Get in the car and DRIVE. Even if you just drive to Fort Scott (if you are in my neck of the woods, that’s due south and only a one hour and seven minute drive. Approximately one tank of gas – who knew… It’s the county seat of Bourbon County, Kansas… Does that mean we could get a quality cocktail there?)

My point…We all need to get away.

We all need a good friend, be it family, chosen family or a great coworker who will help us reset.

We all need someone to jump into the chaos with us… but only for a little while.

The world needs us to come back to reality, but if you need to get out, get out. I personally need to do it more often. Heck, I know I’ll find a fun boutique or road-side diner that will make my day for sure. I also know, that by driving out of the chaos, that I’ll be a better person when my GPS takes me back home.

It will for sure help me to hit ‘reset’ and be able to not only live in the chaos of the season, but to thrive in it. To connect and to grow… To achieve that expectancy that I indeed truly strive for.

Thelma and Louise, anyone?

And We Rise…

blog_848506_2968649_1476929738(Photo: Nancy and Denise were able to make it to all MLB ballparks over the last few years… How cool is that?)

James Taylor’s famous song, “You’ve got a friend” calls it out well…

“You just call out my name,
And you know where ever I am…
I’ll come running…
Oh yeah, to see you again…
Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall,
All you have to do is call…
And I’ll be there, yeah yeah yeah…
You’ve got a friend…”

When my friend Denise was battling breast cancer, her best friend, Nancy Cline, showed us all what it looked like to be a real friend. Michelle Robin, another good friend, told me that she had learned from Nancy what it was like to be a true friend, and that she hoped to rise to that level. My observation was the same. I stood in awe and hoped that I would also rise if called to the bar she set.

Nancy’s care and love was so real, so raw and touching, that you felt you were in the presence of a saint, an angel or someone who truly was anointed. When you consider this insight and example today, I hope that you will allow yourself to go deep and truly think about your dear friends and how you care for them. I know upon my own assessment that I love well, but I’m not sure I get an A. Nancy showed me and those lucky enough to witness her in action a few things I believe deserve all of our attention….

  1. Love when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
  2. Give your whole self.
  3. When needed, shift your life’s priorities so that what needs the most attention receives it.

All of these are about intention, which is what we talk about a lot in this blog. Living fulfilled lives… serving well… All requires being intentional. If you aren’t, you spend the night at a PTA meeting instead of at the home of your dear friend in need.

Can I ask you who needs you more at that point in time? I know it’s hard… life seems to consume us… I’m guilty. It shouldn’t be hard. Nancy has clarified this for me, it is simply about who needs you and sacrificing personal or perceived other needs to be where you are needed the most.

This blog could be three pages, but I want it to stay focused. Focused on the clear message Nancy gave us and that is to RISE. Rise to be the friend you hope to be!

Nancy, we thank you for your heart, your example and pray that many lives will be enriched because of how well you serve.

Domino effect: The power of our decisions

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I quickly finished Mark Batterson’s latest book, Chase the Lion. It’s my new pick for the best book of 2016.

(Having said that, I believe I owe you a toplist for this past period/quarter.)

This concept really became magnified to me as I was soaking in his multiple messages. It is simply amazing and you should stop and order it right now!

He goes into great length in one excerpt explaining the science behind the energy gained from a simple, tiny domino pushing over, it’s impact and so on. He talked specifically about not despising small beginnings, which is always a solid message, but my mind wandered to the chain reactions that are made from our decisions….

That word of encouragement you gave to that young middle school girl who is questioning her beauty and really herself. What was, or will be the impact of that? Potentially you set a course correction in her day, and perhaps her life.

That risk you took, to ask that girl to marry you, or to say YES to that handsome man? You ended up with a family and happiness and even a dog… and together have enriched the lives of so many in your neighborhood…

What if you didn’t join that group, get that honor, spend that week in that conference that helped you build knowledge to land your dream job?

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The Domino effect is cool. It’s big stuff. It’s something worth thinking about. As you build your “story” and develop an intentional life, you grow and become more aware and you can help guide those reactions. In the meantime, I marvel at the chain reactions set off by so many who have touched my life unknowingly. The teachers, the counselors, the friends, the young camp counselor encouraging a young mom, the motivational speaker hoping his words landed in someone’s conscious.

Who in your life started a tiny domino effect that ended up changing your world? What decision? What Risk? What dream that you acted on?

(Photo creds: We Heart It, Ruthie Stark Photography)

Hard conversations

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I think I’d rather stick with my Olympic insights because those ARE FUN and this week as I’ve watched a few of the key races it has been exhilarating to watch the athletes shine. However, I just knew that I also had to get this one out there.

I am not sure about you, but hard conversations are never fun. But at the same time, they almost always create a step forward. I think it’s important that we all realize just how important these conversations are in healthy relationships. These, of course, span our personal lives, our community efforts and in the work place. In the past couple of months I have been engaged at some level with a few of these and I think it’s always worth sharing…

Our family had some tough conversations about a college change. Here’s the brief:

  1. A goal to move to a different college
  2. Concern from my son that we would not understand the whys and ultimately support the desire to make the change.
  3. Concern from both parents that our son was making the best decision for him. Not to mention the logistics, costs, etc.

So, what’s the big deal? The big deal is that these are big issues – potentially life-changing. My point is simple, even when you look at something objective, as in the three easy areas above, life is about conversation and sometimes, many times that generates a hard conversation.

The result of this conversation was that we had a family meeting to review the situation. Some pre-work was done on both sides in an attempt to create understanding. There were nerves going into the meeting and at the end of the day, it resolved well. (It was what at our office we call “healthy tension,” but everyone felt better at the conclusion.)

Key message: When we have the courage to tackle tough conversations, we can actually improve our relationships, create peace in our worlds and in my opinion move toward happiness in our lives. The alternative is not talking about the issues and living uncomfortably as everyone “guesses” what is really going on and peace is shattered.

I’ve had a few others…

My Mom wants to move to an assisted living community. It’s likely the best thing for her, so it seems like an easy decision. It’s not. It involves finances, concern of the impact of changes, etc.
At work there seems to always be an email misunderstanding; a conversation that raises your blood pressure… you get the point.

In all of these situations…
– Life is hard – Life can be easier if we approach “healthy tension” with courage and kindness, but it also takes work and preparations. Hard conversations almost always have a positive end result. Worst-case scenario, an attempt was made to get difficult issues out in the open and stirring in hearts and minds.

I’m confident you can think of one or two of these you need to have. Some ideas to get you thinking…

  • A conversation with a young child about how they sometimes “bend the truth” and the impact of that.
  • A conversation with a middle school child about the pressures they are about to face. Yes, middle school children are faced with all manner of moral challenges in today’s world.
  • A conversation with a friend who seems to be making wrong choices.
  • A conversation with a boss or team member who seems to constantly create disruption to your life.
  • My favorite:  A conversation you need to have with yourself!

As you work through this, my encouragement is that you do it and do it soon. Your relationships will be better because of it! BE BOLD! BE KIND! CARE DEEPLY!

WELCOME TO PASSION TOWN

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Seriously, what a COOL STATEMENT. At the recent KENNY CHESNEY concert at Arrowhead in Kansas City, he used this phrase to describe our GREAT CITY. I immediately pulled out my phone and put it into my “blog ideas” list. So, he may use this phrase in other cites as well… Heck, maybe he uses it every weekend at his concerts, but you know what, that is awesome if he does!

I hope every person is proud of where they live and recognizes that God put them in that place and that time, in this generation, to LIVE, GROW, and SERVE. This blog is all about becoming people of excellence and about SERVING WELL. I don’t know about you, but I want a PASSION TOWN t-shirt, so I can show off my city and remind myself that I need to show it the PASSION it deserves!

What is so cool about this picture, or a few things to get you thinking:

  1. THE PEOPLE! So, on the stage you have Christa Dubill, Emmy award-winning TV news anchor for channel the local NBC affiliate, who gives so much of her time to this community that it is truly amazing. You also have Gracie Schram, local singer, songwriter and philanthropist who at a very young age began a journey of showing her PASSION. In other words, no matter what your age, JUMP IN. God can and WILL use you! You also have some posters that are showcasing some local executives that stepped up to raise funds for the American Heart Association – how cool is that? They are using their platform in their industry to make a difference. Finally, let’s not forget the volunteers that are flanking the stage. These people give their time, weekends and all,  to make our CITY, well, PASSION TOWN…
  2. THE MESSAGE! This happens to be the AHA Heart Walk, but this is just one of hundreds of great causes that flank our city and that’s what brings out the best in all of us. KC is one of the most generous cities in America!
  3. THE FUN! We make it fun. A little confetti, a little enthusiasm… A Saturday morning that offers the unexpected delight of not only making a difference by raising funds to take care of each other, but the pure JOY of being with friends, new and old and making memories.

These are just the “top of my head” things that make KC PASSION TOWN! I’d love to know if you have others… There are so many! Who’s up for making a shirt?

In the Pursuit: ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING!

blog_804354_2918997_1465438196(Photo credit: WE HEART IT – ISN’T THIS GUY AWESOME?)

Most people who have worked with me or lived with me, know that one of my top mottos in life is “Attitude is everything,” or in the work place, “Hire for attitude, train for skills.” It doesn’t matter what area of your life, or the time of your life, whatever “playing field” you find yourself on, ATTITUDE IS THE DIFFERENCE MAKER.

I’m never one to to re-create great content if I can find it. Today I wanted to share Jon Gordon’s writing on the power of ATTITUDE.  Jon is the author of the Energy Bus and the No Complaining Rule and you can find out more about him at www.jongordon.com.

My favorites are 2 and 7. I would love to hear yours! Have a strong wrap to your week!

11 Benefits of Being Positive – posted by Jon Gordon

Over the years I’ve done a lot of research on the positive effects of being positive and the negative affects of being negative. The research is clear. It really does pay to be positive and the benefits include enhanced health and longevity, order happiness, online career advancement, athletic performance, team building and financial success. Being positive is not just a nice way to live. It’s the way to live. In this spirit here are 11 benefits of being positive.

1. Positive People Live Longer – In a study of nuns, those that regularly expressed positive emotions lived on average 10 years longer. (The Nun Study)
2. Positive work environments outperform negative work environments. (Daniel Goleman)
3. Positive, optimistic sales people sell more than pessimistic sales people. (Martin Seligman)
4. Positive leaders are able to make better decisions under pressure. (Heartmath.org)
5. Marriages are much more likely to succeed when the couple experiences a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions whereas when the ratio approaches 1 to 1, marriages are more likely to end in divorce. (John Gottman)
6. Positive people who regularly express positive emotions are more resilient when facing stress, challenges and adversity. (Several Studies)
7. Positive people are able to maintain a broader perspective and see the big picture which helps them identify solutions where as negative people maintain a narrower perspective and tend to focus on problems. (Barbara Fredrickson)
8. Positive thoughts and emotions counter the negative effects of stress. For example, you can’t be thankful and stressed at the same time. (Several Studies)
9. Positive emotions such as gratitude and appreciation help athletes perform at a higher level. (Heartmath.org)
10. Positive people have more friends which is a key factor of happiness and longevity. (Robert D. Putnam)
11. Positive and popular leaders are more likely to garner the support of others and receive pay raises and promotions and achieve greater success in the workplace. (Several Studies)

Where do I need to act?

blog_762998_2843044_1454521277As we continue with the subject of important conversations we need to have, the idea of acting came to my mind quickly.

I fully believe that in America, we are diluged with information from every possible media (books, social media, tv, etc.), and if we are listening we have every chance to receive good advice and direction.

Thankfully there are some very bright people out there and those that have gone ahead of us took the hit and learned the hard way in many cases. The real issue is that because of this overwhelming amount of information we sometimes take good notes, have good intentions and then fail to act.

My encouragement today is that we choose two or three items that you need to act on to live a life of excellence and to serve in a way that is honoring and fulfills your life mission. This is again, a conversation with yourself, and also a conversation you should have with those in your inner circle. Don’t forget, those folks are absolutely essential to our growth. When we cannot even recognize ourselves these growth areas, they can point them out, and hopefully in a positive manner!

Some examples of where you may want to start:

  • If you want to be intentional about spending more time with your sister or brother, create a recurring calendar invite to have lunch on a regular basis in 2016.
  • If you want to be stronger in your career, put some time on your leader’s calendar today to have a discussion and identify the top areas where you can grow and develop, and the take the next step.

You get my point, right?

Today is the day to act! I’m cheering you on!

(Photo Creds: Pinterest: stihltimbersports.us)

What do I lack?

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It’s Tuesday and February is off and running. I don’t usually cite biblical references during the week, but this one ties right in and is the best example of this “important conversation”  with the topic of “What do I lack?”

In Matthew 19:20 the rich man asks, “The young man said to him, “All these things I have kept; what am I still lacking?” Wow! Right there in print,  in the most read book of all time, we have this important conversation based on this thought that I feel is super important to serving well and living a life of excellence.

(In case you wondered,  I do not do cite the Bible typically mid-week because this blog reaches into the professional communities on Tue/Thursday and some people and organizations do not appreciate this- however, I pray for a day when that is totally acceptable and even valued.)

This can be a conversation with ourself, or those that hold us accountable, those we love and that love us enough to help us along in life by being honest and fair.  In sports, you often hear the announcers talking about whether or not the defense or offense lacks leadership, dedication, passion, talent, healthy players, etc.. Those are fair questions and I believe ones we have to ask ourselves on a regular basis if we truly want to excel in our key areas of value.

What are some questions you need to ask yourself?

Am I lacking discipline toward a healthy lifestyle?
Am I lacking energy in general and néed to seek answers from a trusted physician?
Am I lacking organization and sanity?
Am I lacking positive thinking?
Am I lacking love and protection of good friends that care about me?

In order to get better we have to assess the “gaps” and work on a repair strategy.  Let me know how I can help you with this tough question and important conversation. It would be an honor!

(Photo Creds:  Pinterest:  Subject: GoPro Shots- Very cool!)