To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Self care

Q&A with two new college grads (my sons): A perspective on our new world

What fun to have had Tucker and Joe home the last several weeks. It was not at all the plan we had for this season, but the dinner time conversations and the connections have been very special. I imagine over the years we will treasure this time. The “ring” day celebration at Texas A&M and the graduation weekends in College Station and Gainesville have all been adapted and remapped. This year’s “ritual” celebrations are on deck for deliberation.

This year brings us new opportunities to rethink our lives, and so I wondered what a new college grad may be thinking. It seems nothing is as it was just two months ago, when the boys were on pace with interviews and job offers that would have launched their post-grad career. That seems like it may as well have been 4 years ago now. What must they really be thinking? Concern? Confusion? Relief?

I was curious, so I interviewed them. I hope you all find it as interesting as I did. There were a few unexpected thoughts I gained and lessons that I know impacted me. How much fun (and actually profound) is it to learn from the next generation? Pure delight if you ask me.

Q: Was college what you expected?

Joe: I went in without an expectation really. I knew it would take more effort than high school… harder classes…

Tucker: This is a difficult question to answer. I have found that we all head into periods of transition in life with an idea of what might happen, and college is no exception. In most cases, things do not turn out how we hoped they would, but they work out exactly how they were meant to for our personal growth. For me, my college experience epitomizes this idea.

Q: Was it better than expected? Worse?

Joe: My view is it’s a tool to get you a job within your chosen career. It was a good experience.

Tucker: Looking back, college was better than I expected because of the growth I experienced and the lessons I learned. There were moments when it felt like things could not get any worse, but I found that these are the times that make you stronger. As cliche as that is, it’s true. A major lesson I learned in college was to embrace the difficult times because, more often than not, you will come out on the other side better for it.

Q: What was surprising?

Joe: I was definitely planning on graduating in four years and still feel like I could have if I had known a few things. It was surprising that many of the classes from junior college don’t transfer over, and I wish I had known that.(We found out about a semester too late that this is super common with the junior college combination… Maybe a lesson to be learned for someone else here.)

Tucker: Each year of college brought its own surprises, but the biggest shock to me was the amount of freedom you are given. When you leave home and get to your college campus, the only person to truly hold you accountable is yourself. No one is there to wake you up, prepare your meals, or make you go to class. College requires an immense amount of self-discipline, and figuring all of this out is all part of the process.

Q: Would you recommend junior college?

Joe: We have one of the best junior college’s in the country here where we live around Overland Park, KS. It is a really smart financial decision for many, and it gives you the opportunity to prepare/level up before going to a larger university.

Tucker: I would definitely recommend junior college. Unless you are totally set on what you want to do and where, considering a junior college is a wise decision. From a financial standpoint, doing this can set you up for financial freedom later down the road. From an academic standpoint, you can get your general courses out of the way while you figure out what you are truly passionate about. There is no shame in attending a junior college for a year or two; as a matter of fact, it’s a pretty smart choice.

Q: Was there a primary takeaway or lesson learned?

Joe: I had the chance to study abroad in a way that wasn’t the norm along with one of my triplet brothers. Our other brother, Sam, was able to with his University and I’d say that this experience for all of us was really important. Everyone that can should take advantage of any opportunity like this. The influence of other cultures and perspectives that you learn is really helpful. I have already been exposed to this in my work and in the community, and having this viewpoint seems really important.

On the lessons learned part, I definitely would say don’t take it so seriously that you impact your sleep, or really general health. It’s hard, there are hard instructors, but it seems to even out and it’s not worth the added stress. Some classes are just hard and you have to own that. (Mom comment: Kind of like life…pure wisdom here!)

Tucker: There are so many lessons I learned in college, but the first one that comes to mind is to stay your course. It is easy to play the comparison game with our peers, friends, family, etc. Everyone is on their own path, everyone has their own challenges, and everyone’s situation is entirely different. Devise a plan, stick to it, and focus on you.

Q: How do you think COVID-19 will impact your next phase?

Joe: I think companies will be rethinking how they do work. I think we will have more opportunity to have more balanced lives, perhaps. I was listening to a podcast about the NFL Draft and its success being virtual this year. The key lessons were that they were now considering if this could be done in this way in the future? Better viewership? Happier leaders/coaches that didn’t have to travel and be away from their families? It seems like the question now is, “Are the positive incremental differences in being live and present at the office or at some place like the draft event enough to warrant the expense in cost and health of the teams?” I think we will see this change our way of life from now on to some degree.

Tucker: This pandemic will absolutely have a major impact on this next stage of life. Obviously, companies are not hiring at the pace they once were, creating an even more competitive job market for recent graduates. As far as how firms operate, I am sure remote work will become a popular option, even when COVID-19 blows over. This is a difficult time to be graduating, but as I discussed earlier in this interview, I will be grateful for this experience years from now.

Q: What are your expectations of a celebration knowing the normal “ritual” events such as graduations have been taken away for now or rescheduled?

Joe: I really don’t have any expectations.

Tucker: For some people, the cancellation of these events is devastating, and understandably so. Walking across the stage at Texas A&M’s Reed Arena would have been a very memorable way to wrap up my college years, but an at-home celebration with my close friends and family is perfectly fine with me.

Q: If you had a magic wand and could change or recreate anything about the college experience, what would it be?

Joe: I wouldn’t change anything. I take it all as learning and where I am supposed to be at the moment.

Tucker: I would not change anything. In my eyes, everything unfolded exactly how it was supposed to. Everything we go through and experience is what allows us to learn, grow, and progress.

Q: Favorite instructors?

Joe: None specific, but I could definitely tell those that had passion. It came through in their voice inflection, their command of their subject… the class could feel it.

Tucker: Dr. Sandra Braman (Mass Communication Law) and Dr. Nandra Perry (Bible as Literature) are two awesome instructors at Texas A&M. Both experts in their fields, Dr. Braman and Dr. Perry made coming to class a joy because of their passion, knowledge, and desire to challenge their students

I hope you loved this as much as I did. So much good here! Have a wonderful wrap to this week and I pray that you are finding joy at every turn.

Use your words (to love well)

“Use your words.” An extremely-patient friend of mine was trying to teach me how to clip into and out of my bike, and was walking me through the basic steps. Lucky her…. said no one. I am a challenging student when the topic may include a hard fall. After a few attempts & recognizing my increasing frustration, she shared with me this basic truth: “use your words.”

My recollection is that there were 3 things I needed to do, “unclip, slow down, stop.” Say it out loud… practice … repeat … The order is really important in this situation. I’m a difficult student however ... that and I am lacking of any desire to have skinned elbows and knees at this age. Then enters on the scene what was impactful & powerful advice: “Use your words.” This simple phrase stuck with me and I gradually improved. The idea resonated and seemed to be applicable for many areas of life. Imagine if we all could use this thought with the end goal of developing healthy relationships? How might the world improve if we encouraged loving and candid conversations? Why had I not honed in on this phrase before? (It sure may have been useful when the boys were younger.)

Here’s the question I ask to frame this up for myself: What is the most loving thing to do or say in this situation? In every conversation, be it work, home, or some other relationships, using your words and sharing your heart is often the most loving/compassionate thing you can do. If you don’t, you run the risk of not fostering healthy relationships and likely even causing that uncomfortable tension that happens when we don’t fully share what is stirring in our soul.

This feels timely right now, while many are finding themselves at home in close quarters with loved ones. Our normal patterns have been disrupted, and our anxiety ebbs and flows. This might put us in a position to think through the healthiest and most thoughtful way to share what’s on our heart. Here are a few possible scenarios:

  • Claiming ground rules and boundaries. (Yeah, we still need to clean up after we cook in the kitchen.)
  • Sharing that you are really scared, that you don’t know how you are going to come out of this financially, physically, mentally or emotionally.
  • Telling a co-worker that you need them to communicate better for the greater good of the team even though you know they are feeling stressed.

I’m sure you can come up with several other useful scenarios. I locked in on this topic early in the week. I had never heard anyone else share this truth of “using your words.” I have however always found that the universe has a way of validating if we are on the right track. Just yesterday, one of my favorite blog follows, theartofsimple.net, shared a few poems and one was titled “Use your words.” I love it.

I hope that this insight offers some encouragement and useful thoughts as you embark on another week. Let’s all choose to use our words and LOVE WELL!

What do you need today?

So, what do you need today?

What would absolutely brighten your day? Fill your soul? Lighten your load? Spark a fire? Ignite your creativity?

Now, what would it take to go make it happen?

Spring is all about fresh life, hope and joy. Our life is ours to create, to curate, and to actually live – abundantly!

Sounds easy, right? Maybe for some. But in case you are like me and struggle with this at first, I want to share a mind-mapping exercise I use to make this happen each year.

I start by putting each of my life’s main categories (finance, career, family, spiritual etc.) on paper. Then, I develop 2-3 key action items for each one of them to ensure I achieve my personal goals or dreams.

My new addition to this exercise is asking: Where can I add joy – or, what would brighten my days – in each area? For example, instead of “spend more time with my family,” perhaps I could expand that to “embark on a Saturday road trip with my sister by the end of May.” (Assuming it’s safe!)

I’d love to hear your ideas!

Here’s to a great week and the best spring ever – let’s make it so!

In the midst of a cultural reset: shifting to all that is strength

This incredible photo of an Osprey, is courtesy of @_thepaintedsky, aka Jessica Walker, who I happened upon via @annvoskamp’s unbelievably beautiful weekly blog, “Only the Good Stuff: Multivitamins for your Weekend”

This thought narrative of a “cultural reset” came from a post from Rebekah Lyons titled, “Look what we get to do together.” In the spirit of transparency, I needed more than anything this week to shift from bewilderment to my normal operating mode, which is, “what if? What is God working on? What am I to learn from where I am or we are right now, and how do I or we move ahead with bold and positive strength (of ideas, wisdom, peace)?” This idea has me right where I need to be right now, and I wonder if it might be beneficial for you as well. I feel like the universe is saying, “yep, that’s exactly what we need to do.” Shift. Advance to the next step.

This beautiful photograph led me on a trail to find out just what that bird was. The Osprey made its way into the books in 1460 and its name means “bird of prey.” This beautiful creature is an incredible fishing sportsman, catching a meal in at least 1 in every 4 dives. (Goodness, Audrie, why can’t I catch a fish after 100 casts of the line?) Their average time hunting is all of 12 minutes. They are, essentially, badasses. The Osprey also is agile, building nests on the tops of telephone poles and other manmade structures, which makes them unique. In my mind, they look around and see what is available, what is worthy and they make it their place – regardless of where it is.

I have a couple of thoughts stirring. First, as a human, we are at the top of the food chain (so to speak). In other words, God made us the original badasses. We have been given, and are given daily, all that we need. This is pure truth folks. You are strong, you are bold, you are outrageously capable of moving above the current situation and helping create solutions and generating positive energy and ideas that will help lift the human race. We all have a role, whether you are like my mom, hanging out in her retirement community lifting the spirits of others, or, like our team at work – on the front lines – caring for those that aren’t well and watching the news closely (and praying earnestly) so they know what step to take next.

Second, like the Osprey, we may need to look around and be ready to strike and to make it our place. I find such beauty in this. It’s simple. Look around. There is work to be done. Whether you find yourself in the quiet or in the middle of the chaos, God will make it clear where you can use your gifts or resources to move us out of this season. We need to lift our heads outside of our phones and television sets and insist that we acknowledge that we can do something. Even a child or a senior can spend an hour writing encouraging cards to healthcare workers and those in hospital beds that cannot see family right now. Insist that you and your family rise up. (A quick sidebar: One of our staff members and her family recently spent their night sorting scrubs for our front line providers and her children wrote notes to each of them. How cool is that?)

Folks, we ARE in a cultural shift. Our world will be changed after this. We will be talking about this for years – maybe decades. How it shifts is entirely up to us. My prayer is that we will SHIFT into a higher level of ourselves, to a higher awareness on what we can do together and that at the end we find ourselves loving each other better and stronger and even more than we ever have in our world’s history. This is our time to rise.

Step aside, fears: 5 ideas to pursue the good right now

I don’t normally write about faith, and specifically my belief in God, during the weekday posts, but given our current environment it feels important. Someone shared with me that in the Bible there are 366 references to “Do not Fear,” which for 2020, a leap year, is exactly 1 time for each day of the year. Isn’t that interesting?

I have to tell you, fear is real… At first I didn’t really like using that word, but I decided to look it up for the blog and I have to say this sort of resonates: an “unpleasant feeling, triggered by the perception of danger, real or imagined.” Triggered. That is exactly what is happening. And if you are like me, and have a hard time looking away from your phone when you are otherwise not detained by work, a conversation or head down in a project or good book…then you are constantly being triggered from all matter of sources. Sometimes it’s funny images that add levity to the situation, and other times it’s the gripping news coming from hot spots around the world. All said, we have to be careful with what we are feeding ourselves in order to maintain as much peace as is possible.

What approach or idea may be better? My pastor shared the message in the image above on Sunday (online), and it’s written in BOLD in my journal now. The note I wrote to myself is what’s most important to me… Just how do I best pursue that right now?

Pursue defined: To follow… to capture… to chase…  

I can visualize chasing JOY right now! In fact, CAPTURING it and holding it close at every turn. (Side note: To me, God is love and love is joy and pursuing God is in fact chasing after what He desires for us.)

How about some practical ideas on how we can do this? Here are 5, but it’s so much more fun for you all to share your ideas, so please do that below!

  • Make a commitment to sharing what is good and fun! Some of my team members made a game of sending selfies with our “masks” and that was great for bringing joy into the day. One of my college friends sent over pics of her car decorated for a parade her and the other teachers created to drive through their district neighborhoods. That is chasing joy! My son sent me our favorite Twitter feed today:
  • Set a firm limit on how much screen time you will allow yourself… Seriously.
  • Take advantage of this unexpected time. It is a gift. Extra time for your kids, for special projects, for dreaming up ways to serve others.
  • Pump up the music? What’s your all-time favorite band? Music genre (hello ’80s!)? Make a playlist, have a dance party, sing-along or whatever to get your mind moving in a positive direction…Allow yourself to feel the shift in energy.
  • Surround yourself with positive! Positive messages, positive people (you may need to call or reach out to your most positive friend, or the one who always makes you laugh). Be so intentional about this that every day you wake up, commit to pursuing the positive! 

Your turn!

I am praying for our world, our city and for each of you and for your families. You are all a blessing! Let’s pursue service, love and joy – and find our fears step aside.

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Welcome 2020

This idea of God establishing the work of our hands is just what I need and possibly you as well, as we launch into the first full week of the new year and the new decade. I don’t want anything or anyone else establishing the work that I do, and I also am keenly aware that I need God’s favor at every turn. No matter where life finds you right no – in school, in retirement, at the onset or at “prime time” in your career – this message should resonate.

The word of God has a lot to say about work. I fully believe that no matter our age or stage, that we are all to be working toward using our energy and minds to fulfill our purpose. One of my all time favorite verses:

“Whatever you do, work at it will all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” (Colossians 3:23-34)

God calls for us to be faithful with what He has given us to make the world, at this very time in our own generation, the best it can be. If we all do this, our work and service will elevate us all.

For many, the last several days have given us an opportunity to rest and otherwise be away from the normal daily grind. This time provides us an opportunity to prepare our hearts and minds for our work in the year ahead. Hopefully you have spent some time asking yourself some clarifying questions to get you focused on what you hope to bring into the year. I am a full-out nerd about this time of year … the thought of a blank canvas to dream and imagine … is incredibly energizing to me. The exercise of drawing a child-like diagram that features the key parts of my life – family, spiritual, career, health/wellness, financial, etc. – and then drilling into “must have” actions to ensure I achieve these goals has been a necessary step for me for many years.

So, what about you? It would be great to hear any ideas as it relates to good old fashioned life planning and goal setting. How do you approach this new chapter that brings you renewed energy and enthusiasm?

I’m so thankful the word of God has given us both examples and guidance on the topic if we will take time to read and apply. The very idea of this blog is that we are to serve well, and serving is the way we honor those around us and God. We do this best when we are actively working toward using our gifts, time, talents and resources.

Happy, happy new year! I’m so excited to start afresh and am ever grateful for your support and encouragement.

What one word sets your soul on fire for the best year ever?

I really love this topic. My mind runs amok with the possibilities. Where in the world does God want us to go in 2020? It’s a whole new decade… the possibilities are endless! How do we best achieve our personal goals and purpose? How can we show up with excellence at home, in our neighborhood, as a friend, for our community and in our careers?

Now, of course I know “one word” doesn’t capture it all, but what would one thought be that galvanizes and energizes? Is there a specific area in your life that needs a specific focus? Do you need to for example cultivate your relationships? Do you need to have more days of connection and joy? Are you being called to adventure, travel or exploration?

So many ideas. Here are a few…

Discipline – This was my first “one word” from back in 2012, and it was the year I started working out on a regular basis and focusing on personal health. Total game changer.

Also… Elevate, trust, joy, stretch, acceptance, happiness, freedom, momentum, growth, unstoppable, shine, minimize, rebuild, peace, silence, brave, curious, perspective, thrive, aware, fresh, quiet, travel, adventure, journey, accelerate, game-changer, win, search, commit, dedicate, meaning, true, love…

If you choose to jump on this train, I highly recommend that you share your word with a few members of your tribe, write it down and put it front and center somewhere you see often. There are also other resources, including a website, which lets you join others across the world in the process.

In closing, I will share that selecting a word could be a challenge. Since I’ve done this a few years, I always want to give it some real thought and try to hear from God on what would be the most powerful word to help direct me. That said, my word for 2018 was “revival,” and I didn’t really understand it fully at the time, but felt it was clearly supposed to be my word.

Here is what I wrote in 2018 on this blog topic (referencing a message I had just heard at that time about “revival” being a “season of reintroduction”): “Revival is a time where God reintroduces himself, exposes you more to your next assignment, and gives you insights to conquer that next level.” As it turns out, it actually was a year of reintroduction, but in many ways not at all how I would have even began to predict or understand January 1. I think that is a fun part of this journey… sometimes what you think at the onset is not how it ends up.  

What we can count on is that 2020 will be an adventure! Have a terrific wrap to your week everyone!  

*adapted post from prior years.

You control the invite list: Will you invite the inner critic or the inner advocate?

If you have followed this blog for a bit, you will know that I’m a raving fan of Peloton, and specifically, the trainer Robin Arzon (@robinnyc), who is flat-out motivating and exactly what I need both on the bike and from a leader! Cardio isn’t my game normally, and I have had to learn to up the discomfort in order to get results and achieve optimal health. Robin’s commentary during any workout levels me up and offers useful thought-starters that help in so many areas. The one in the image above, was a particularly strong takeaway – as in, stop the bike and write it down… now.

I loved the focus on who we “invite to the party” in our head. “Do I invite the inner critic or the inner advocate?” I am generally strong on self motivation but honestly, with physical exercise, I am not forgiving of myself. In fact, if the script in my head was played for all to see, it may surprise those closest to me. I am not usually happy with how hard I can push, and I often am thinking while trying to “level up” that perhaps I can’t even go further…. this by the way is generally a bunch of self served BS. It even surprises me to be honest. Robin calls this out and I’m not sure (before that experience) that I could have recognized the tendency, and the potential impact on my ability to achieve what I’d like to.

I call this out for the simple reason that I do realize I am normally a more than glass-half-full person. It is important for all of us to realize that the stories we tell ourselves can either advocate for our success or can limit us greatly. This of course would fall true in other categories besides physical fitness… our diet/nutrition, ability to have strong relationships, achieve our career goals, remain strong as we age, etc.

With my “always” goal to be as brief as possible, I’ll leave you with this insight for today: You in fact control the dialogue in your mind. I feel if we would all make it a goal to really listen to what is on our mental “reel” through the day and in different situations we may just be surprised. By acknowledging it, we can reverse the trend and make a true impact for the better. What a great time of the year to plug this idea in and become stronger for the new decade ahead!

*As a side note: You also control the who and what you invite into your mind over this holiday season. Be sure to plug in the outcomes you want… whatever brings you peace, joy, faith and love seems like a great place to start.

The original “OGs” and paying it forward. Happy birthday, boys!

Happy 23rd, boys! I guess a benefit of the blog is I have the opportunity to reflect on personal experiences from time to time. As many of you know, I was blessed with triplet boys 23 years ago. This seems like both a short time, and simultaneously an absolutely full 23 years.

I sent one of my boys a message earlier this weekend noting that it was “the big 23” – his “Lebron Birthday.” He quickly replied, “Come on Mom, it is the OG Jordan birthday year.” (LOL!) I had no idea what OG meant until I Googled it (it’s “original gangster,” if you’re lost like me).

Bottom line: This is a fun time in their lives and I am grateful for every moment. I feel like I learn so much every day, and that this season is as important as the next.

New chapters, marriage (Sam is getting married in July), stepping into new careers, etc… So many “firsts” and so much “adulting” that it seems all together more intimidating than the innocent years of stepping into middle school or the first homecoming dance.

I have been literally smitten from the day they told me I was pregnant with “twins,” and then to find that third heartbeat… completely saturated in unending love. Each of them are growing into strong men of faith, which has been my prayer over each of them every night since I can remember.

Courage, bravery, perseverance, integrity, humility, generosity, kindness… Each year, each of them displaying growth in one area and seemingly passing the baton to the other to build upon, and back around the circle for continued growth. I continue to find myself observing, admiring and standing in total awe of this transformation, and I can easily say this has been my greatest privilege and honor.

I hope today that anyone reading this will take a moment to honor those that God has blessed them with: Be it a family member, a friend, colleague neighbor, teacher, or acquaintance. I believe we have all been entrusted with a circle of people who want to take care of each other the best way we know how. What a gift that is.

My boys amazed me this week by telling me that they were trying to do what they did when they were younger, which is to give to others on their birthday. In celebration of their birthday, and for whom we love, we should all go out and pay it forward this week. Be it paying for the person behind you in a drive-thru, offering a Texas-sized hug, or some other act of kindness. Giving back is one of the best ways to serve well!

Happiest of birthdays to my young men! Your presence in this world makes everyone’s life brighter. I don’t take lightly the gift God has given me. I don’t always have the answers, and I don’t always get it right, but I will always love you deeply, respect you, and honor each of you.

High-stakes questions leverage personal growth

How do I get better? How can the team, be it my family at home, or at the office, get better?

I think about this often and have said frequently in the last decade, “cater to my success, not my ego.” (A lesson I learned from a fellow panelist that will never leave me. Note to self: Always pay attention… Everyone can teach you something.) A change up from my early career when I “needed” that validation that I was headed in the right direction. We absolutely have to ask this question and truly want honest feedback. It is my thought that moving to new levels requires a desire to get to the layers that are not always apparent blind spots, if you will.

On a podcast episode I listened to earlier this week – the Tony Robbins Podcast – there was a great discussion about high stakes and high-leverage strategies. The profound lesson here is that this is not rocket science. It’s not a 12-step process, nor something that we need extravagant degrees in order to put into play and be successful. Asking the right easy questions is the message I took away. And better yet, putting in place a cadence in your life, at work, home or wherever life finds you so that you develop “mental models” for how you are going to process life, learn and grow. When something happens, starting with this easy question, “What is one thing I would change?” can alone be powerful if we ask it consistently and build an arsenal of information that helps inform us so that we can make better decisions next time. Lean in a bit, ask “tell me more,” versus jumping in believing you are adding value when presented with a question or need for advice. Holding on long enough to get to deeper information can help us achieve higher levels of tangible impact.

So much good information surrounds us. I love that part of society today. There are endless ways we can engage and literally no excuse at any age for slowing down our learning.

My hope is that this inspires you a bit to ask yourself, “What is one thing?” One thing to be a better leader, better parent, better friend, better daughter, son, grandchild, sister, community member, neighbor… Or on your next project – be it trying a new recipe or wrapping up a significant project at the office – asking honestly and boldly: What is that one thing that would have elevated this experience?” What if we all do this and make a collective impact? There is power in that my friends.