To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

relationships

Show up

Sometimes just “showing up” can seem a little daunting. Many of us spend some restless nights going through the “what ifs” over and over again in our heads. Of course, this blog could go back to the faith and trust message, but today, let’s just tackle the idea of SHOWING UP.

  • Need to talk to your kid (no matter what age) about an important life issue?
  • Need to talk to your boss about a raise, or maybe some flexible scheduling?
  • Need to call that friend, who hurt your feelings a few months back, and you can’t seem to shake it?

Showing up is important.

Showing up is where living out our intentions becomes reality.

As the message above says… we never know how the conversation is going to go – so just maybe it will go really great. You will go in prepared and have your thoughts clearly outlined and show up with a heart for listening and spirit ready to have really good and helpful dialogue. Perhaps you will walk away with pride and with a spring in your step.

I know there is the contrary to that “feel good” result happening, but if we don’t show up, we don’t even have the opportunity for things to go really well. I’m guessing if it’s that big of an issue, knowing how it turns out will be the best thing for your internal peace regardless of the outcome.

Showing up in conversations that may accelerate our lives to the next level seems like a great idea to me! Have a strong wrap to your week!

Reveal your true self: Accelerating your relationships

I’m in a relatively new role at work, and one of my priorities has been to both get to know my entire team and to give them an idea of who I am — including my personal and professional goals.

There’s no surprise, that I loved hearing the story of Doug Conant — former CEO of Campbell Soup Company — who shared the philosophy that conveying a full picture of who he is right away to his team, including what he stands for and wants to accomplish was critical to his personal mission. When he took over, he was faced with reversing a severe decline in market value and “re-energizing” the culture. Conant led the company to deliver excellence, including world-class employee engagement in the 10 years he served as the company’s leader.

So, how does this point us to serving better all around? Here’s a quote from Conant that I loved from the Harvard Business Review, “Leadership is a Conversation” series, (Groysberg/Slind, June 2012):

“I explained that my goal is to take the mystery out of our relationship in a personal way, as quickly as possible, so that we can get on with the business of working together and doing something special.” 

Is that not brilliant? So, YES, it is my feeling we can all learn something here. Both in my personal relationships (and certainly work relationships) I have found that the more we are able to share our true selves — be transparent, honest and authentic (with a positive approach…) — the quicker we are to move forward.

More often than not, when we are able to take out the “mystery” factor, we are able to forge ahead. I love this. Just today, in fact, I experienced two of my team members at work came together to reveal themselves and, as a result, are on a better path.

Do the people you “do life” with know who you truly are? Is there an opportunity to advance your relationship so that you can truly being “doing something special?”

Have a great Labor Day weekend!

The ‘no fly zone’ effect

If you are a This is Us follower, you may have caught the episode earlier this season where  Kevin’s family’s significant others waited out the family meeting at a local establishment, getting in a good laugh while talking about the the Pearson family ‘no fly zone.’

You know, those sensitive discussion topics that we “just don’t go there” in conversation. In some cases, that may mean the topic is only for immediate family only, or for some it may mean a topic that you are not willing to talk about, period.

In the show, the ‘no fly zone’ focuses on the death and addiction problems surrounding the dad, Jack Pearson, Kate’s weight, Randall’s issues raised via his brilliance and his adoption into the family – and the list goes on. It’s complicated, but then again, aren’t all of our lives?

I immediately wrote down this as a good blog topic because I wonder how  many of us have ‘no fly zone’ areas where we can’t or won’t go with those we love the most. “No need to talk about it. It was what it was and time will heal.” Right? Maybe. My years of experience tell me that a healthy family and relationship is surrounded by honesty; full disclosure if you will.

I’m sure we’ve all thought at some point that somehow our extended family is “different” or “strange,” and that those large family gatherings are sure to be awkward. The truth is we all have characters in our family that are so different from us that they seem like someone we may not want our significant others to know about right away.

Whether it’s family, the fact that you got fired from a job (I did in college) or whatever potentially sensitive area it may be, being able to destruct the ‘no fly zone’ and be transparent with those closest to you will make you feel so much better. “Sharing is caring,” as the saying goes. Sharing is also healing!

What are the ‘no fly zones’ you need to address?

Lessons from the Market

Who is ready for the farmer’s market to come back? You might recognize the famous sign above, from a year-round market that keeps going no matter how low the temperatures fall.

That is, of course, the Pike Place original farmer’s market, established in 1907 in Seattle.

I read about another famous market — the Tsukiji fish market in Tokyo — where they sell millions of dollars in frozen fish. So many untold stories of success.

Here’s the thing, that and many farmer’s markets operate still without technology, relying on basic math, receipt scraps and a handshake. I think that is why I love farmer’s markets: the simplicity and pureness in the exchange. From the ground to the pick up truck; from the market to our homes. The fewer steps the better, and the experience lends itself to authenticity and a feeling that you are part of something powerful in the community.

Long ago are the days that we exchanged goods with a simple handshake. To me, a good solid handshake still inspires trust and the hope for a relationship that will be mutually beneficial. A neuroscience study by the Beckman Institute confirms that in fact the basic handshake, “not only increases the positive effect toward a favorable interaction, but is also diminishes the impact of a negative impression.” It quite literally “lights up the brain” in MRI studies. That’s not surprising to me, but it should make us all remember that when developing a trusting relationship, we must realize that the warmth of a firm handshake creates an impression that is proven to make a positive difference.

As we think today about the “market” — defining this as a place to purchase goods from an actual person who likely played a part in their existence at the market — I want you to think about the following (in addition to dreaming of walks and fresh produce in warmer weather!):

  1. Simplifying life is good. Out with the multi-step program, processed food, processed information — in with the basics. (Remember our talks about minimalism from earlier this month?)
  2. Relationships are built on trust. I would add that this starts in community. A business mastermind, in your neighborhood, a small group at church….
  3. There is power in your approach. Your handshake, smile, willingness to ask thoughtful, empathetic questions, showing interest… it’s all important. Communities have thrived for years based on these simple lessons learned in the marketplace exchange.

Time to DOWN SHIFT!

It’s that time of year when work winds down and we shift — as in “DOWN SHIFT” — our FOCUS to our friends and family. (Thank you Mic Johnson, @mictastic, for the term.) 

I know many of you are still working through this week, and I hope you are able to take some time off during these next couple of weeks. We are in a society of constant connectedness, and our brains need to be able to shut down & reboot so that we can CREATE MAGIC IN 2018!

Whether your thing is taking in the new Star Wars movie, doing absolutely nothing and sitting by the fire, binging on your latest Netflix fav, getting a pedicure with your girls or reading some great books, do whatever fulfills you! Research shows that our brains need a break!

“Push yourself through too many hours or days of work and your brain starts to push back. Ideas that once flowed easily dry up, and tasks that you should be able to perform quickly become excruciatingly difficult,” according to Scientific American.

I personally don’t need too much convincing. My mind and body begs for me to take a break! I will be taking off Sunday and Tuesday from the blog, but please know I wish you the very best and am praying for each of you to be filled with the all the peace and joy the season can offer!

The best gift idea

I found one of the best ideas I have heard in a while in Tyler Perry’s new book, “Higher is Waiting.” It’s a gem, and the type of read that is quick with some game changing takeaways.

This was one of those game changers — I hope you agree. In fact, I liked it so much that I told my boys, sister, brother and parents that this is exactly what I want and nothing else. (I did ask for it to be gift-wrapped since there’s such a thrill in opening presents!)

I’m as guilty as almost everyone else in that the days seem to suck me in and spending thoughtful time writing out my thoughts to a loved one is not something I do well. Sure, I send text messages, birthday cards and Facebook posts, but sitting down and giving thought only to that person who means so much… not my strong suit. In fact, I get a pretty low score on this… or maybe no score at all. So, I’m stealing this idea from Mr. Perry this Christmas and plan to write a few myself.

Have the best weekend yet this year!

Yikes, I don’t know what to say… (reach out anyway)

(Photo Creds: Canva)

Have you ever been in a position where you really didn’t know what to say? Someone is sick? Someone lost someone they love? Maybe they went through a divorce or a break up? Perhaps someone you know is going to be alone this holiday season…

These situations create awkwardness as we contemplate possible uncomfortable circumstances where we really don’t know what to say. Sometimes it’s easier to just live your life and not make the call or drop in, and instead pray that God will comfort them. I wanted to share what I’ve learned about this topic, but I also want to tell you I’m not necessarily good at it — it’s a work in progress for sure.

Here’s the deal: The answer to those prayers is likely you. We are the “feet on the street,”  the ones that God intended to use to comfort others, to lift them up, and this may just mean a simple conversation to let someone know you care and are listening. I have read some decent research and heard from friends — the answer is the same: WE NEED TO STEP INTO THE DISCOMFORT and just be there. Just being there is all you need to do. You don’t need to have the “right” thing to say, or to really say much. An encouraging word… a listening ear, a hug…

As you go into the weekend, who do you need to reach out to? I hope you’ll make that call or drop in with a small bouquet and let someone who needs it know that you care.

Love, admiration and respect: All relationship “must haves”

I just had to address this topic. You see, I had dinner with a friend last week and we were talking about our young men/women and relationships.

This is not the first conversation about this same topic that I’ve had in the past few years. I guess I’m at the age where the next phase of our kids’ lives could include a trip down the aisle. If you have younger kids, pay close attention. The conversation on intentional parenting, aunt-ing, grandparent-ing, etc. is worth it right now.

(Photo creds: Canva)

As you know, I read a lot. And soon, I’ll have 5 decades under my belt. Using Oprah’s popular lead in, “one thing I know for sure” is we need to be in relationships where we are loved deeply, admired and perhaps above all respected.

Most relationship experts say respect is a core need, particularly strong for a man, but also important for a woman. My grandparents backed this up. I once asked them their secret to marriage and they both said respect: “We may have disagreements, but we always keep them for after the event, and sit at the kitchen table until we resolve them — never taking our disagreements public.”

While men may have a top need for respect, women need to be admired and that means acknowledging often so there is no question she is adored.

I think we are in a little bit of a crisis. Sure, I think most get the whole love thing. What seems to be missing is the time and attention necessary to build and show admiration, adoration and respect. We need to up the game early so that our young children understand just how important this is. Being in a relationship with someone that leaves you at a party to hang with their friends, doesn’t invest time in tender conversations, doesn’t want to spend time with your friends/family… I could go on, if you can’t tell. All are things I’ve heard and have seen lately.

Folks, please don’t blow this off. We have an entire generation that perhaps hasn’t seen this modeled well. TV and movies probably make it worse. If we want them to have successful relationships it is going to be because we invested our energy into making sure they both know they need it, what it looks like and how to give it in the best possible ways.

Don’t forget to say THANK YOU… I SEE YOU… I APPRECIATE YOU…

(Photo Creds: Canva)

I had a recent LIGHT BULB moment that really should not have been one, but it was. Honestly, I thought I had been pretty good at this, but not sure I’ve done it enough since college started, maybe even a bit before. As our children age, I think we need to get out the “basics” playbook. This is especially true I think with teenagers and young adults.

The insight is simple…

Don’t forget to CALL OUT the GOOD… Say THANK YOU… I SEE YOU AND RECOGNIZE YOUR EXTRA EFFORT.

My example is simple. One of my boys is really helpful with our dogs. With my crazy schedule, his help is incredible. Here’s the thing: I kind of take it for granted. Not intentionally, but I do and hadn’t realized that. One evening I was telling him how much I appreciate his extra help and attention and he said “thank you for noticing,” and it hit me. (He said it in a nice way, but still… OUCH.) He is one who doesn’t require a lot and honestly I think those are the people that we should intentionally recognize more. So, I’m dusting off the playbook and going to try to incorporate those basics more often.

At all ages we need someone to say “I see you.. I recognize you… Your efforts are not going unnoticed…” If you don’t have your own kids, this of course is applicable in all settings. I hope I’m not the only one who needed this reminder, but alas, if so,  perhaps it’s something you can pass on.

Have a wonderful weekend.

BE A DOOR OPENER

(Photo Creds: Purchased on Canva)

Vala Afshar is one of my favorite people to follow on Twitter. He is inspiring and thoughtful. Consider following him!

I have personally found this statement to be more than true. I know everyone is hitting the ground running this morning, so I am going to get right to the point. Who can you open a door for this week? We all have something to offer: career connections, personal hobbies, love for a child who could use an extra dose, wisdom in an area that needs sharing, and of course the door of encouragement is always needed.

As we think about “How do we serve well,” we SIMPLY MUST BE A DOOR OPENER and do SO INTENTIONALLY & GENEROUSLY!

Please let me know how you think about this topic? Have an AMAZING WEEK!