To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Love

Yes, we can develop GRIT! 4 ways to move forward!

(Photo Creds: We Heart It)

I just wrapped up reading the bestseller, “GRIT, The Power of Passion and Perseverance” by Angela Duckworth. It will definitely be on the top of my reading list for this quarter.

I got almost through it, and thankfully there was an entire section at the end devoted to “Growing grit from the outside in.” As I poured through the book, I was hoping it did not say that if you or your kids did not have this critical life skill that you were out of luck. There are plenty of character qualities that are innate, and that are hard to develop if you don’t have them. (At least that’s what they taught me in behavioral management training. Judgment by the way is one of those…)

The great news is that WE CAN DEVELOP GRIT. Whew!

“First and foremost, there’s no either/or trade-off between supportive parenting and demanding parenting. It’s a common misunderstanding to think of “tough love” as a carefully struck balance between affection and respect on the one hand, and firmly enforced expectations on the other. In actuality, there’s no reason you can’t do both,” Duckworth writes.

As a parent of 20-year-old boys, I can say that this is more than true in my experience. Having said that, I think my personality was a little too “supportive.” Of course I demanded respect, and still do, but firmly enforcing doesn’t sound much like my house, which isn’t really a good thing.

Thankfully this blog isn’t about me, but I do feel it’s important to be authentic. My boys are amazing, but perhaps I could do more to impress the critical importance of GRIT. So, what I thought was really cool in this book, was a little segment on “Doing Hard Things.” I did at one time write a blog on this, but a different focus to the concept. Here’s what I found valuable that I hope you get something out of, too:

The author’s family employed a three-part “Hard Thing Rule.”

  1. Everyone, including mom and dad, has to do a hard thing. A hard thing is defined by something that required deliberate practice. (Her example as a mom was that she studies psychological research, but also that she is trying to employ a yoga practice.)
  2. You can quit, but you CAN’T quit until the season is over. Listen up, that means high school and college kids should be “grittier” when it comes to sticking with classes. The hard classes that we all want to relieve ourselves of… YOU MUST FINISH WHAT YOU BEGIN.
  3. YOU GET to pick your hard thing. Nobody picks it for you. Mom and dad, you can’t decide your 10 year old should be a piano player. She really does a nice job of explaining that her kids cycled though dozens of interests to get to something they enjoyed.

They had a fourth added after their children got to a mature age… this was…

4. Must commit to at least one activity, either something new or something they’ve started. In other words, you cannot just decide you aren’t going to actively be practicing something. Think of the natural tendency to stop sports after graduation.

I like this “hard thing” concept and am thinking through how we might approach the idea in our family. Heck, I think all of us can do this. What I really like is that as you get older, you have to push each other to exercise, to stay strong, to sharpen your mind, etc., and that my friends is GRIT. We need to keep growing it at all ages in order to live out our lives of purpose.

If you are a reader, pick up this one. It is truly a game changer.

Guest blog: The art of self care

​​The following blog post is from my friend and blog helper, Ashley, who is an education reporter in St. Louis. (Photo credit: Pexels)​​

I’m an outgoing introvert. Weird, right?

There is such a stigma around introversion that makes people think you’re bound to be a cat lady — or dog lady, in my case — who has a DVR packed with shows and no friends to go grab a bite with.

Au contraire. I have a dog, no television and I spend plenty of time with my pals.

But being an introvert, or someone who needs to recharge while being by myself, means I keep a pretty tight leash on my calendar, like Lori talked about in Tuesday’s post. In fact, it’s safe to say I’m a little obsessive about my priorities.

It’s not because I’m stingy with my time. It’s so I can share the best version of myself with each of the people I spend time with, whether it’s a source I’m grabbing mid-morning coffee with, a friend during happy hour or a grocery trip with grandma.

Covet your calendar. And schedule time for yourself each day.

Do you have a routine in place that gives you some time to reflect or recharge? Even extroverts need that. For me, it’s my hour or so at the gym each morning. For some it’s a long walk. A trip to Starbucks.

Here are a few suggestions for recharging that you can hopefully supplement with Lori’s point this week about taking control of your calendar for your best yes:

  • Meditate: So many of my friends are raving about the Headspace app that I’m tempted to buy it. There’s a free option that I tried a while back during a time when I didn’t let the value soak in. Headspace is a 10 minute per day guided meditation via an app. One of my friends uses the last bit of his lunch break each day to get his 10 minutes in before giving his attention back to the world. He swears by it.
  • Practice gratitude: Yogis, whom I respect, are big into gratitude. Heck, it’s part of some eastern religions, too. We could all get better at this. During your next drive, I challenge you to give it a shot, but focus inward. Turn the music down. Think about the things you did this week that you’re rightfully proud about. Let the feeling of productivity and gratitude for your own strength wash over you. I’ll try this, too.

Here’s a list of more ideas from a blog site, PopSugar, about self care. Read up and enjoy.​​

Building family connections: Do what it takes

 

Photo Creds: We Heart It)

Family connections run deep. No matter what your family looks like, how functional and/or dysfunctional they may be… the fact is, family creates a bond like no other. Family sees us at our worst and our best… tears are shed of both joy and pain. It’s raw, but a good raw.

It’s the vulnerability of “knowing” that they see the real us and we see the real them (and neither might not really like what we see) that can draw us closer or away at different times in our lives. Most of the time, even if we step away or create a distance, we are drawn back… because, well…. family is family.

Like many of you, over the years I have gone to extended family reunions and as a child thought it was fun, but missed the meaning. I have watched my boys and been surprised that at a younger age they seem to realize and HONOR the depth of family and it’s importance.

That has me thinking that perhaps we all could use a reminder to really INVEST in this area… It’s easy after all to put family on the back burner unless, like children, they need us for survival. Family will be there and we know it.

For that very reason, we should make a concentrated effort to INVEST AND HONOR THEM every chance we get. Say thank you, show appreciation, lift them up… We do this in the work place, and we do it with our friends… but do we tell our favorite “uncle” that he really means a lot of us and that his service to our country brings you so much pride and gratitude? I don’t do this enough. I need to.

Let’s pay attention to making some investments in those who are our greatest cheerleaders. It’s important I think.

Thank you, Dr. King

(Photo Creds: We Heart It)

Please don’t dismiss this week’s celebration of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

If you are a news junkie, no doubt it has been front and center (along with football playoffs and ice storms) the last few days. Many people these days are not watching the news, instead gravitating toward anything “but” the often-negative stories that flood into our homes.

For this week, it is worthwhile to take in the story of his life… again.

If you’d like a simple place, use this.

Also, the “I have a dream” video is worth your 5 minutes.

My friend Gretchen who substitute teaches (lucky kids) told me that she asked her class the other day who today’s heros are. The collective group couldn’t really come up with any. Maybe some sport heros thrown in, but overall, the exercise provided pause that left everyone asking who does deserve this title today? Who is doing work that addresses the big issues?

Thankfully there are a LOT of heros in our world. Many quietly, and some more noteworthy, who are spending their days working on those big issues. On the other hand, there is always room for more… those stand-outs that can GALVANIZE our country. People like Dr. King who sacrifice their lives for the good of man and society.

The quote above is my favorite of King’s. It resonates with me and I hope it does with you. What issues have we been silent about? The definition of silence meaning that you haven’t really done anything to share your concern and take action to help improve the situation. This could be as easy as walking by litter in your own neighborhood, or as complex as taking on the hate that impacts our world.

 (A shout out to my friend Mindy Corporon and family who are working toward improvement in this area via their foundation and their annual week long event bringing awareness to these issues.) 

Whatever the issue is that you have a passion for, please don’t be silent. It’s a new year and I’m often glad Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday is celebrated this month, because this is a month to LAUNCH – to kick off or renew a commitment to what is important in our lives. (If you don’t have anything that stands out, please join Mindy and team.)

While you are at it, if you have children in your life that you can inspire, encourage them this week to identify those issues and begin to step forward as a leader to truly impact our world for the positive. I’m confident that today’s youth have what it takes to continue to make America the greatest country in the world.

#dontbesilent #thankyoudrking

Simple Thoughts Sunday – The fight is won

(Photo Creds: Steven Furtick-Instagram)

Love this. I don’t know who else is having some “battles” starting 2017, but I already feel the pressure. I know that many of my friends are struggling too… broken marriages and other relationships crushing their spirits, etc.  The cold, flu or whatever this nasty bug is that has entered the homes of most people I know is still running rampant. Pressures of work and really just the struggle to achieve the ultimate desire to MAKE A DIFFERENCE in the midst of it all creates an uncomfortable “I’m not enough to do this on my own” stir. I believe this is exactly the point.  God wants us to rely on him for all things.

This photo came across this week and I thought I need to print that off and put it squarely in front of whatever path I’m on – I needed this message and I’m hoping that this falls on some other “ears” that may need it as well.

Let us all remember that WHATEVER comes our way, that because of our faith, we have already OVERCOME. Even IF at first glance it appears otherwise (beaten and bruised and otherwise ready to run down the street crying “uncle”). We have someone else fighting for us and that is such a relief.

Raise a glass to those that help you be you!

(Photo Creds: We Heart It)

As we all get prepared to spend the next few days with those we love, and that God has surrounded us with, I thought this quote was ideal.

Acknowledging those that help us along the way – that cheer us on through prayer, kind words or even constructive criticism – is so very important. It takes a bit of extra time and thought, but being intentional about this can truly deepen your relationships and increase your own happiness.

There are times when we get overwhelmed with people or processes – or just life. If we can stop and take time to write out the reasons we appreciate those people it really shifts our thoughts to the positive.

I think I’m going to write a letter of blessing to my boys and maybe a few others. I am also going to spend some time during the pre and post-holiday meals to thank those that have had true meaning in my life, such as my grandma Zillhart. Every year, she pretty much stuns us all with the most amazing prayer of gratitude before our family holiday meals. That simple prayer enriches the lives of my boys and myself. The little things… they are the big things.

I hope that you will take time to “call out” those who help you achieve your best and if you’d like I know the readers would love to hear your story!

This is Us

(Photo Creds:We Heart It)

At a holiday meal last Monday my dear friends all shared how I just HAD to watch this new drama, ‘This is Us.’ This wasn’t the first time I had heard this, so I committed to doing something I had never done, which is “binge” watch this season.  I’m about three fourths through…staying up way later than normal.

If you know me… I don’t do that without a really good reason – and let me tell you folks, this is a good reason. THIS IS US is pretty much AMAZING in every way. I highly recommend it!

The picture above captures the theme of the story.  It’s love and cold and struggles and warmth all wrapped up into a beautiful scene… many beautiful scenes. It’s perfect. The NBC website describes it as “refreshingly honest.” It is that and more. It is us. It is all of our lives, woven together by fabrics of many colors.

As I age, I learn that the crazy parts of my childhood are maybe not as crazy as my mind created them to be. That all people have stories… stories that are both amazing and stories that are sad and sometimes messed up. What I’ve also learned is that life wouldn’t be as beautiful if we couldn’t contrast that with the not so “beautiful.” I’ve learned that fantasies of sugar plums dancing and the perfect family involves scenes that don’t make there way into Facebook feeds and photo albums.

The contrast is what allows us to highlight and cherish the good and it takes it all to make our lives fulfilled and magical.

‘This is Us’ is really good. I think it will help us all love better and serve better.

Simple thoughts Sunday – Love BIG

(Photo Creds: We Heart It)

Advent week 4 – LOVE! The final week as we prepare our hearts for Christmas. How perfect is it that LOVE is the focus this week?

I think all of my boys would say Christmas is the best time of the year, but one of my sons REALLY LOVES CHRISTMAS. I bought him a sign with a message that says, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” a few years ago and he proudly hung it in his room everyday of the year until he went off to college. I love that he did that, and I love that he understands the message of Christmas and that it’s truly all about LOVE. My mom-heart hopes that he will hold on to this truth all through his life.

Loving well is central to our hearts as humans. We are meant to love and often we get it right, and sometimes we don’t love as well as we can or should. Regardless, we strive toward LOVE and the world usually magically gives it back to us.

As we head into this week, my prayer is that we love well – the best we can! Even when the world sometimes doesn’t give it back, we press forward and continue to love. Thanks to the Christmas story, we know the truth is that God so loved the world, and he gave us his only son…

And our hope in this wacky wonderful world is real and beautiful. Enjoy every minute of this week leading up to the MOST WONDERFUL DAY OF THE YEAR.

Love my friends! Love well!

Joy is a function of gratitude and gratitude a function of perspective

(Photo Creds: We Heart It)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This phrase stopped me in my tracks. I was simply reading yesterday’s advent message and I had to take a moment to let this idea soak in. I get the idea that once we are grateful we can be more joyful. That seems simple to grasp. If I can understand how blessed I am and call those areas out, my life is happier and more joyful.

The second part hit me, because I think since gratitude does have to come first and we have to realize it’s not that simple if your perspective has shifted. Like most of you, I have many friends and family that have a different perspective due mainly to unfathomable loss that they have experienced. This can be in their health or of someone they care for, loss of a relationship, or even the sudden loss of a loved one. THESE REAL LIFE REALITIES NO DOUBT SHIFT your perspective and possibly can get some stuck in “neutral.”

This “neutral” creates, in some situations, not necessarily a heart nor soul that is ungrateful but a heart that can’t quite get to full gratitude and joy. After all, the pain is real, and our human nature causes us to not easily hurdle over pain to shouting joy to the world.

So, what to do? As you know, the goal of my writing almost always goes back to how to best SERVE WELL in our homes, communities and workplaces/schools etc. We really need to remember that we have an entire world around us that isn’t feeling joyful during this season. We need to maintain an empathetic PERSPECTIVE and do what we can to be that smile and that listening ear to possibly help move someone out of neutral and into gratitude & ultimately joy.

Have an amazing holiday weekend!

Happy Thanksgiving 2016!

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(Photo Creds: We Heart It)

Simple. Prepared with love. Ready for love to fill the room. What do you see in this picture? I absolutely love it. I am so grateful today and I pray that your Thanksgiving holiday brings you more than a few moments of pure joy. I am confident that if you look for it, it will land softly and yet fully in your heart.

My vision of Thanksgiving is based on a childhood around my grandparent’s table and I am more grateful today for that time and those moments. (Even though I wondered at the time what in the world those adults could be talking about for so long… )

When you wonder if anyone is paying attention, I can assure you that all ages find these traditions to be a critical part of their journeys.

Nothing profound today, only a wish that you will at some point this weekend gather with those you love and truly take in the personal gratitude you have for this moment in time. These days are the ones we hold on to and that weave together our lives. It’s up to us to choose for these to be the very best of days.