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CliffsNotes, Spark Notes… Short cuts can be found in the stories of others

Remember those AMAZING creations that offered us a “short cut” through some tough reads in school? Circa 1986 we used “CliffsNotes.” My boys used Spark Notes.

As we all know, finding short cuts to learning how to deal with life’s challenges aren’t easy to find. I heard something recently that stuck with me, and that was that the stories of others are really the “Cliffsnotes” we often need. Ah, what a great reminder…the power of storytelling.

I love good storytellers. Whether it’s a terrific author, like Salinger’s ‘Catcher in the Rye,’ covering topics of innocence, identity, belonging and connection – or my father, who spins some pretty amazing tales.

We learn from stories. Taking the time to hear both those younger and older than us offers insights into how to better make decisions and gain wisdom. I mean, why recreate the wheel if someone has walked the path, and can share an easier route?

It got me thinking.

Who in my circle may have walked a path I’m currently on? Who may have already experienced the hills and valleys and be able to offer some context, ideas or answers to the questions I face? (This of course runs the gamut from work to parenting to life…)   

Who do I need to schedule lunch with to gain some perspective – some wisdom?

Who might you reach out to this week?

Let’s up our “wisdom” game this week and use the stories of others to help elevate our thinking!

The Power of Story

I have always been fascinated by that one tree in the middle of a field on a road trip. Somehow it has a story to tell, or so it seems. How did it arrive here? How has it endured the many seasons and harsh conditions? Is it lonely? Is it super confident because “damn, I survived?”

Clearly trees don’t think like us humans, but if they could talk, they’d have some powerful stories to tell. We all have stories, and we need to know and understand them, celebrating their lessons and impact on our lives.

A part of my mom’s recovery process has been a stint at a psychiatric hospital, where the goal was to modify her medications against the new anti-seizures meds to try to get her out of what seemed like a modified coma (or at least a state of not having her mind or many physical functions). I have to tell you, that at first it was beyond scary to be there. People walking, others laying or sitting in beds and chairs, yelling and babbling incoherently.

It’s tough on everyone involved and God bless the care team. My mom leaves there today to start rehabilitating her body. I have to tell you, that I’ve come to love these people who have taken care of her. Yesterday, Maria told me about her 46-year-old marriage and pieced together a story for me about how she is a working woman, a proud mom and how she’s scared. She, like so many, likely has dementia – or a version of Alzheimer’s. She has a story.

Many of these people didn’t seem to have family or friends ever come to visit… no one to hear their story. Even those who do, I wonder if we take the time to understand and listen to the stories.

I’m mindful as a health care leader in the senior space about how we are doing in creating pathways to ensure the dignity of our seniors and to hear their stories. As a now 50-year old, I know I haven’t listened well to the stories of the older generations. We need a culture shift in America to focus on the importance of this. Other countries do this really well, if we can stop and learn from them.

Stories are powerful.

What is the ‘on ramp’ to that conversation you need to have?

Challenging conversations are a big part of life, and are they usually aren’t particularly easy to navigate. The streams of thoughts in our heads may include:

What if they don’t understand?

What if they think I’m totally off the mark and am creating drama?

What if I upset them? 

What if they never talk to me again? Storm out? Quit?  

What if, worse yet, they tell others and my reputation is damaged? Or, if it’s a family member, what if the family “peace” is upended and our family gatherings are never the same again…?

Honestly, these are more tame than some of the scenarios I’ve been able to drum up that get far outside of these fairly normal “what ifs.” It’s challenging to approach a difficult subject with someone we care about. I have found this equally difficult in the work place, and at home. The good news is as I’ve gained experience and age, it is frankly much easier. Here are some thoughts on the matter:

  1. You need a strategy. The best conversations are those that you have really given some thought to. The kind of thought where you take notes of the key points you need to address and actually role play them in your head with actual examples so that you can be fair and clear. Plan…. Bottom line is you need to plan!
  2. You need to listen. I just read that the average physician listens for 18 seconds before interrupting the patient with their plan and two cents on their “illness” they came in for. The thinking is that we are all pretty much in the “18 second” category  in terms of our ability to truly listen. We need to go into the conversation with the intent to listen and then DO IT. I am not so good at this… It’s a work in progress, but it is valid and it shows respect and wisdom.
  3. Always be kind. It is never necessary to be rude, cynical or even a hint dismissive in any conversation. It always serves us and others best if we go in with a heart of kindness. If you can’t do that, you should probably wait to have the conversation.

So, what are your “on ramps” to a challenging conversation? I can think of a few more, but these are a good place to get the conversation rolling. We’d all love to hear from you…

In a world of conflicting opinions, we must get to a place of respect

Our nation was in full ACCELERATE mode this weekend with  “March Madness” games, the youth-led walks across the nation to raise awareness of the desire of “the people” to achieve greater gun control laws, and the celebration of Palm Sunday.

All areas of which there are opposing views. It’s no surprise when I asked one of my dear friends if they had any blog ideas for me, that the immediate response was on how we can best respect differing opinions.

I’m not sure I have any profound thoughts, but my hope would be to get to a better conversation. To truly think through how we honor one another best without allowing our personal opinions to be in overdrive, which often results in the opposite.

Here are my initial thoughts…

  • We must “get to” a point of listening with the intent to understand. This is a call to not listen or simply “hear” with the intent to respond.
  • We must honor where others come from, remembering that just like us, their opinion didn’t come about overnight. They too have come to the conversation with history and perspective that is true to them.
  • We must also be true to our own perspective, and share it when it matters and not be silent. We must share with grace, with subtle power and with love.

There is so much to talk about with this topic, but I believe that if we keep honor in mind first, we can have opposing opinions and continue to push through to a better world for the future generations.

Simple Thoughts Sunday: God often speaks loudest when we are the quietest

(Photo Creds: Canva)

I am a huge fan of the author Mark Batterson.

He has crafted the Circle Maker and a host of books I regularly give as gifts. His latest, ‘Whisper,’ is coming out soon and I was lucky enough to get a preview copy. This topic is timely, real and critical that we all listen. My opinion of course.

The book is about hearing the voice of God and outlines some practical thinking and steps we might take to get to this goal. Most people operate in the hope that God will send a sign or at least a major clue that tells us where to step next. I for sure have lived most of the seasons of my life looking around the corner and in the mailbox for these. It’s human nature I think.

At any rate, the simple thought this week is from Batterson’s latest book: “God often speaks the loudest when we are the quietest.” We must carve out time for quiet. Our world is so noisy. In fact, studies show that most of us can’t hardly stand to not have something going on, be it TV, radio, “Alexa” chatter, checking our phone, etc. I absolutely know this is a truth that I can use to hear again and again. I have time and again heard from God in the quiet… generally through reading or spending time away on the water. I know I for one need quiet… A LOT OF IT!

I hope this insight speaks to your soul, and I hope that this week you carve out time for QUIET.