To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Growth mindset

EXHALE – Getting to Fresh life and fresh thinking

Exhale (verb) – “She sat back and exhaled deeply.”

What a terrific thought! I attended a session in high school where we learned to “breathe in any stresses” that we were experiencing, and then “breathe them out.” Then we “breathed in only good and positive thoughts.” It was powerful, and I often still use that tool. Today, we call this (in part) meditation, and it’s something we all should concentrate on developing.

If you are like me, sometimes you are driving down the highway with a list of challenges, ideas and thoughts in your head. Some are good, some not so much. Becoming aware of this and learning to breathe through it can and will be a game changer for your mental (and ultimately physical) health.

What is also really cool, is that if you can remember this, you will find your mind has more time for clear thinking, which brings you to innovation and the ability to create. With spring in play, what a great time to take it all in – the sunnier days, the blooming flowers and the overall essence of fresh life and fresh thinking.

I’m cheering you on… EXHALE!

“Life isn’t supposed to be hard… really?”

Have you ever heard this? I have heard the words spoken from many, and far too often it’s meant with the best intentions.

Most of you know I have a strong faith, but unfortunately some of those messages come most strongly from those who share that faith. “If God’s in it, it won’t be hard… If the job is too hard, the relationship too challenging, the deal on the house or car or whatever doesn’t work out just as you want… “It’s not meant to be.” After all, life isn’t supposed to be hard if we follow the plan set out for us, right? Hmmmm….

Maybe this non-truth resonates more the older I get, and the fact that my boys and their friends are getting older. Instead of this message, I want to shout from the mountaintops: “It’s going to be really hard! Anything worth it generally has a tall order of pain involved. Sometimes, there will be tears. But it WILL be worth it!”

Some things that came to mind:

  • College: Yep, pretty hard lessons – lots of fun, but lot’s of work. It was always the “tough professor,” however, that stood above the others.
  • First 10-20 years post-grad (adulting 101 and 201): Yep. Again, marriage was hard, learning how to deal with bosses in a new career, learning how to pay the bills, deal with a broken washer and unexpected expenses. Yep… check mark all of those…really hard.
  • 40+- aging parents (and so on): Again, hard. But how special is that time? And what a great opportunity.

I think we need to be careful what we share with one another and specifically how we encourage. Sure, I’m a positive person and I believe in all kinds of good. In fact, many may say I wear the rose-colored glasses – I’m deeply and innately positive. Perhaps that’s why I felt it should be me that points this out.

Let’s set each other up for success. Let’s not encourage one another to run away from the obstacle courses of life – even the ones that might bruise us. Let’s grab each other’s hands and help push, pull or whatever it takes to get through it, not only alive but on fire for life. It’s worth it – every single time.

How to live out honor

Honor | It’s a heavy word. A word filled with so much opportunity. A word bursting with love and meaning.

I have a friend who shared a recent conversation/argument they were having with their fiancé. The exchange was hurtful, leaving a recovery scene of fear and pain – anything but honor.

Similarly, I was in my office last week when I overheard a staff member sharing how they were hurt by another employee’s comments about them that they heard through the grapevine.

Without giving a lot of thought to our words, we create an environment that does not promote honor. How and why does this happen? I do not believe that’s anyone’s intent. It’s not like you wake up and say to yourself, “Today I am going to extend hurt instead of love… ” That doesn’t happen in the world I live in, yet the reality is our homes, car and corridors at times leave a residue of dishonor.

Today, it would be awesome to put honor back on top of our lists. I even told my young, soon-to-be-married friend that if I had to do it over, I might tattoo “honor” on my wrist before my wedding day. Beyond my marriage, the permanent reminder to show honor to the ones I love and who God has entrusted and surrounded me with seems like a great idea.

What is honor? Honor is focusing on admiration & respect in all we do. Here are some thoughts that might be helpful:

  • Compliment early and often – Esteem those deserving publicly and privately
  • Be patient – Remember that “slow to speak…” blog from Sunday?
  • Ask questions and show interest – Actually appreciate differences and opposing view points
  • Overlook mistakes and comments
  • Use the Acronym THINK in your thoughts, intentions and actions – Is it True? Helpful? Inspiring? Necessary? Kind?
  • Forgive quickly

One of my favorite coaching messages for myself and others is to “always wear the white hat,” stand above the comments you know aren’t real, but are full of emotion and a pain generally not rooted in the truth. If you like Michelle Obama, then her famous quote, “When they go low, we go high,” comes to mind.

Let’s outdo each other with HONOR this week.

What do you need right now?

This captures my attention for some reason. I don’t know if it is because of the weather, or because it seems like every other conversation I have been a part of lately points to one of the parties needing a deeper level of caring.

We all tend to go through our days, moving through our agendas and checking off our lists, but I’m not sure we spend enough time thinking about what our hearts and souls are telling us they “need” at the moment. It seems that we need to listen and be aware more of those signs we are surely getting that say we need more of something – healthier food, sleep, etc. I also think that we should challenge our colleagues, friends, family and loved ones to ask the question and really act on what they need. I call this “self preservation” – some call it self care.

Self care has multiple benefits, impacting your physical and emotional health. It’s an important topic and one I hope that you all take action toward. As Lady Gaga said at the Grammy’s last week, and I shared on Sunday, “We gotta take care of each other.” We do this best if we take care of ourselves first.

Let’s make this coming weekend a time for drawing closer to what this might mean and act accordingly.

Evaluated experience is the best experience

If you have studied leadership or personal development, you may be familiar with John Maxwell. He’s a living legend. This particular message is one that needs to become a classic. We are too easy to say, “experience is the best teacher.” My experience is that that is absolutely not true. What is true, however, is what Maxwell focuses on in his book, “Failing Forward.”

As we think about our own lives – personal growth, where we can still go or want to go, grow or become and how to get there – truly taking your experiences and evaluating what lessons they have provided could be a game changer.

Another phrase I’ve heard, “your test becomes your testimony” comes to mind in this context. I add that here because we all clearly have had a lot of experiences (aka “tests”), but which ones are the “stand outs?” Which ones are the “I can’t believe that happened,” or “wow, my life is so not where I thought it was going to be right now,” moments? Those are the ones I feel we should start with. Those are the humdingers!

As we walk through our adventure – truly getting to the root of what happened to get us to that moment, to go deep into all of the potential people, pathways or circumstances that got us there – we are able to use that experience to elevate us to the next level. Any particular areas you may need to evaluate today that just may help you grow?

Taking action: Continuing to add wood to the fire – the demands of success

Most people know success is not a stagnant function. In order to “stay on top of our game,” we have to continue to “add wood to the fire.” I love this analogy in Grant Cardone’s best seller, ‘The 10X Rule.’ Sometimes we have no idea what we are fueling, but our actions tend to create results, for better or for worse. If we are truly hoping to serve in the best way, we must be clear about what areas we are adding wood (or water) to the fire.

So, for today, let’s think through some main areas of our lives….

Finances: Any wood I need to add here? Are there areas that require my attention? Any areas I need to add water and put the fire out a bit?

Spiritual: Is my fire at a slow burn, or are the embers barely lit?Am I shining as bright as I could and warming others in the process?

Career (be it in the community, home or retirement): What actions am I taking to ensure that I am continuously growing?

Health, Mind & Body: Am I optimizing what God has given me? Where do I need to add a few branches (or actions) to up my game? After all, I cannot really be successful without a healthy mind and body.

I hope the idea that continuous success requires ongoing action is something that resonates with you. The visual to me was a strong one. Some fires require actual large pieces of wood, some only need kindling, and others need a dousing of water to extinguish the crazy and bring us down a notch. Where do you need to take action?

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Elevate the SPARKLE this week!

Who else is ready to “shake off” winter and bring on the sparkle of warmer days? That surely is a metaphor for life in general… Sometimes, we need to “shake” off a season and pray that God will provide some clear skies and brighter moments.

There is a great scripture that points us to the fact that God is pushing us toward sparkle toward a life fulfilled and joyful…

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.”

Psalm 37:4

I’ve heard this read at weddings, and at other celebratory moments in life – those “sparkling” moments, if you will. It strikes me that we need “every day sparkle,” like the kind that happens on a cold winter day. The kind that shows up when a fun song hits the radio, throwing you back to your youth, when “adulting” hadn’t quite taken hold. The kind that makes you smile. We need this truth today.

Today’s simple thought is this: I am praying over each of you right now that God might remove any “yuck” and provide a path of clarity, richness and pure DELIGHT for you and those you love. I hope you will join me in elevating the SPARKLE this week.

Let’s not lose the power of play

Don’t you just love this guy? I have a friend and mentor, Dr. Keith Jantz, who not only looks a tad like this cool guy, but I honestly think we could find him rocking a hula hoop! He was always jumping into the annual musical chairs “experience” (those of you who were there, know for sure it was an experience), and the one who was up for almost any shenanigans the team could dream up. I want to be like Dr. Jantz.

As my boys have gotten older and are now mostly out of the day to day routine of my life, I feel like I’ve lost this a bit. I just wrapped up an excellent book called ‘Joyful’ by Ingril Fetell Lee, that spurred me to bring this up to the top of the list again. After sharing this idea with a few colleagues, I know that most of us can use the reminder.

Play is powerful. We were designed to play. As children, we were able to dive into play the majority of our waking hours. As time goes on, we actually start to feel a bit self conscious about wanting to play. After all, adulting is serious business. Some of today’s companies have done a good job of drawing out “play” by adding a ping pong table to their offices or something similar. As it turns out, play brings joy into our lives and, in fact, is vital for problem solving, creativity and relationships, according to Scott Eberle, M.D. That’s reason enough to incorporate it into our lives.

In another book, ‘Play,’ by Stuart Brown, M.D., he compares play to oxygen. Brown has spent decades studying the power of play in everyone from prisoners to business people to artists to Nobel Prize winners. For instance, he found that playing together helped couples rekindle their relationship and explore other forms of emotional intimacy. As many of you who have had a team outing know, play can facilitate connections between strangers or those you don’t know well.

In his book, Brown offers a few ideas for us on the idea of play:

  1. Change how you think about play – Give yourself permission to play or be playful every day.
  2. Take a play history – What did you like to do as a child? How can you re-create that today? (For me, swinging, tetherball, kickball, tossing the football… What are some of yours?)
  3. Surround yourself with playful people – And then, of course, schedule some time to play together (Who wants to go Ax-throwing? I so want to do this!)
  4. Play with little ones – Watch and soak in how magical that is!

As you go into your weekend, now is the time to make PLAY an ACTIVE part of our lives! Let’s jump in and create some FUN this weekend.

The power of our emotions

Not sure where I heard this, but I put it down in my notes as a reminder to blog about at some point. Here’s what I think about this: OUCH!

It resonates because it’s spot on. When our emotions cause our minds to go off course, we are creating stories and narratives that quite possibly aren’t viable or true. The obvious problem with this is we have this amazing ability as humans to manifest our own thoughts. We can use the power of the mind to, at times, turn these emotions into a reality. (I’ve done it more times than I’d like to admit.)

I like the idea that we should OBSERVE these emotions – fear, anxiety, exhilaration, and more – all as a feedback system. A feedback mechanism that was built inside of us to process and make better decisions. Intentionally taking the time to “harness,” if you will, the emotion and asking ourselves where it came from. Is it based on real facts or have we allowed our minds to blow it up into something more? You get the thought here, I hope.

I have a therapist who has asked me to take time to “sit” with my emotions or feelings… don’t pursue them or run from them – just sit. At first that baffled me because I am a doer, as in, “let’s deal with this and move on.” So, this realization that there is another option to observe and understand has been a game changer for me.

I hope this topic strikes home with at least a few of you. It is not easy, but it is important to really consider that God has given us this amazing feedback system for us to both protect ourselves and to help us thrive. We should use it as such and not allow it to be anything more.

Cheers to a great week!

Driving toward a growth mindset

Happy January 31st! The month felt like it was 1,000 days long and yet, for some reason, it’s hard to believe the first month of 2019 is over.

I feel like I’m still putting the ship in order for an amazing year. How about you? Did you hit your “must-have” list and generate some momentum heading into the rest of the quarter? How’s your health game going? Setting up plans to deepen those relationships? Strengthening your financial position? How about your career – be it managing the “castle” (aka, home), hustling in the workplace or the best career, known as “retirement? Did you make progress in leveling up in those areas? What about just surviving (which is a perfectly respectable goal!)?

When I saw this message, I knew immediately it had to reach a greater audience. For those who want to optimize their best life for this very season, it is critical to stay on task and intentionally build pathways to achieve what we hope will bring us closer to those goals.

As you close out this month and launch in to February, I hope this will inspire you to make the days and moments count. I pray your month is chock full of celebrations, intention and pure happiness, no matter what that may be for you!

Special note: February is Go Red month for the American Heart Association. Heart disease is the leading cause of death for all Americans. I hope you will join me in wearing Red tomorrow on Friday for national Go Red Day and together raise awareness! For more information, go to the AHA website. Being informed saves lives.