To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Growth mindset

The power of our words

The truth in this quote is beyond powerful. Rachel Held Evans was an incredible and soulful author whose latest book, “Wholehearted Faith,” in collaboration with Jeff Chu*, came out last week. Rachel’s story is profound. I won’t go into that here, but you may want to check out her work. It speaks to me on so many levels.

The full quote:

“Something tells me that we might all be a bit more careful, a bit more gentle, if we knew how our words can travel through another’s ear and linger for a long time in their soul. What if we imagined those words sitting on one another’s kitchen tables, waiting to be reshaped? What if we knew just how much effort and time it might take to transform those ugly and heavy words into something beautiful and primed for flight..”

I grew up with the phrase, “sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you.” Anyone else? That is such BS. (Forgive my language choice, but when appropriate…) The power of our words are enormous. Here’s the truth: Words can indeed wreak all kinds of pain and and leave us wandering and replaying, taking us down so many paths that quite likely aren’t based on fact and hurt us.

While the reminder is appreciated, I felt like the POSITIVE lens was what was most impactful for me as I read her words. We have a fantastic opportunity to raise the vibration, elevate the room, lift souls… all by sharing what is good and honoring.

I have so many people in my life that do this soooo well and I love how they shine. To name a few, my sister (she stands alone!)… my friends Gloria, Melissa, Kira, Cindie, Michelle, Amy, Nan, Casi, Jennie and Candace. There are more and yet, I don’t thank them enough. Who are yours? They light a path for me and for others with their constant attention to their words being full of life and hope. What a gift.

I want my words to bring LIFE and JOY. I want my words (even when the conversation is challenging) to linger in souls, and to bring a feeling of true caring, warmth and genuine kindness. I know I really needed this reminder when I read this excerpt, and I hope that you all find this as powerful as I did. It flat out excites me that we can literally make our world better immediately by taking the time to be intentional with speaking out the good.

I hope that you will join me in doing just that. Let’s take some time to reach out and lift up those in our circle! Have a truly wonderful wrap to your week!

*At the request of her family, Jeff completed the book after Rachel’s untimely death- he did a wonderful job!

#HeardOnPeloton: “I make suggestions, you make decisions.”

Many of you know I’m a huge fan of the Peloton bike. It has been the single greatest resource to get me up and moving. The coaches provide me the encouragement I need to maintain continuity and leave every ride better. Last week, this little inspirational “nugget” stopped me in my tracks, and I promptly added it to my notes on my phone. It was destined to be a blog post.

Anyone else find this statement to be profound? The Peloton instructors offer so much more than the physical challenges on the bike. They bring narratives that remind us we star in the show of our life. God knows that we have too many voices shouting (figuratively) to us at what seems like the majority of our days. We also have these quiet nudges that seem to be the most useful. I like to think of these as God prodding me in one direction or another. Others point to the psychology of human behavior; I suspect both are contributors.

Richard H Thaler’s book, “Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness,” is actually sitting in my read/re-read stack right this minute. The book has mixed reviews but offers value in pointing to the small and subtle pushes that help guide our choices.

For consideration today: How do we identify and think through these? Are they a call to something greater, or perhaps only a distraction?

Ultimately, I believe most of us, stoics and simple minded humans alike, are trying to optimize life. Who doesn’t want to take these suggestions and end up with something for ourselves and our family? The remarkable nature of the human mind and spirit gives us more latitude here than we likely need. It would be easy to have one or two choices, but freedom is a gift that is also a challenge. In my assessment, we simply have to realize the power of the choices we make. We have to go into each day, each meeting, each activity we start or stop… all of it, with a pre-decision. I’ve written about the concept before, but ultimately the thought, which was coined by Mark Batterson (@markbatterson), revolves around what we decide a head of time. “I am going to push myself today. I am going to have an easy ride. I am going to enter this conversation with a heart full of love. I am going to make a healthy choice for my food intake today.” You get the point. We have a world of options that we take in… we listen for the nudges, and then we decide.

Today, I am making a decision to live out my best life. To go forth slowly while praying earnestly for discernment and wisdom. To consider the nudges, but to be aware that not everything or everyone is in my best interest. I am going to surround myself with wise counsel and people who bring out the best in me. How about you?

Cheering you all on! Have an incredible week and enjoy every hour of these beautiful fall days.

Simple Thoughts Sunday: “You are strong and brave” – The power of provision

Sometimes it is so challenging for me to choose what to write about. I have so many swirling thoughts that trying to lasso in the one God wants me to focus on can be challenging. I try to be mindful of what speaks to me and what might serve you all the most. On this Sunday, I hope that at least one of you finds some good in these humble words. So, drum roll please on where my heart went for this post…

I’m reminded over and over again this week that God’s provision is literally spread around like confetti if we search for it.

Lysa Terkeurst (@lyseterkeurst) is one of those women who provides mentorship from afar. She’s an author and fellow mom, and recently she made a comment that spoke to me. It was something to the tune of “God’s word is the only provision you need.” In my experience, that’s about right. If you tune in, you might find that the direction or guidance you need is right in front of you. In fact, God’s word illustrates beautifully the primary insight of this post, which is that of the “provision” of friendship.

The people you find yourself surrounded by are an example of God’s provision in my mind. The people who seem to step into the story at just the right time; who send you an encouraging text, or share a photo just in time… The people who God chose to surround you at that exact point in your life. What a gift!

Who else loves the truth that you have a God-given tribe around you, and that they were designated for you personally, just for this moment? On the flip side, who else wants to be the person chosen to be that friend to someone else? I love to be there for others, and want to be able to give my time, my presence, my love … especially in times of need. Lysa shared some terrific advice for us as we think through how to be a better friend in a tough time:

“Instead of (asking) ‘Are you okay?’ text this: ‘You are strong and brave. If you ever have a day you forget that, I’m here to remind you.'”

Lysa Terkeurst

Isn’t that great? It really spoke to me, both as someone who would love better ways to help others, but also someone who needs this personally.

I have felt the challenges of the last year on my soul. The accumulation of all manner of stresses has left me wondering what in the world is going on. In all of that, God has clearly appointed some beautiful people to be that provision for me, and today I am especially grateful for that gift. I hope that some or all of you may be reading this in case I haven’t personally thanked you. I know I need to find time to do way better at sharing my heart on this matter. It occurs to me, that some of you may not know you are filling that role because you didn’t know I was in this phase*. (Anyone else not big on sharing the not so fun parts of life?)

I hope that you realize God has given us the provisions we need in this life. He has given us his guidance in stories. He has provided us leaders, like Lysa, with wisdom to share, countless friends, and thankfully has provided us eyes and ears to be alert, and to listen; hearts to encourage, and minds to know to step in when needed. All of these should be counted as great blessings, for I believe they are the very roots of our lives, holding us regardless of the changing winds.

I’m praying for you all today – for you to continue to grow and learn, and to desire to run toward God and every dream and every hope in your heart.

*If you don’t know my entire story, you may not be aware that it has been a heavy lift literally from what I remember as 3 years old forward. I have written it and will publish it at some point, but in the meantime, feel free to ask and I will share individually. I share those only to say that my writing does not come without true experience.

The power of our decisions (Yep, we get to decide, cultivate and grow – or not.)

Today I’m thinking through about how we have the power to choose. Ultimately – especially in the United States – we have the opportunity to choose from an endless amount of options for our careers, our living arrangements, the foods we eat, our physical and mental well being, our relationships, our spiritual practices, and the list goes on. We also get to choose from a list of emotional choices that can create a thriving life. Are we choosing to be grateful? Kind? Resilient? Health focused?

I think personally it’s helpful to stop and ask myself some hard questions, such as: “Why am I choosing what I have, and is there a better “yes?” (Am I investing my time in areas that align to my personal values MOST of the time? Am I choosing generosity and kindness, or to speak out unkind thoughts and emotions?) Also, “What choices have I not made but really wish I would or could change somehow and why haven’t I changed directions?” (Am I optimizing God’s purpose for my life, or for some reason, just riding out my current choices?) It seems that sometimes life feels like you got on a long train ride and for some reason, the next station looks really cool and you think you should stop, but you just stay on board, because it wasn’t your intended destination.

How do we make an adjustment if we think we need to? My personal go to is always to do whatever it is I need to in order to hear from God. This comes from leaning in… often from conversations with friends and family and reading, and many times from time in silence and removing any distractions. This is easier said than done, but we can position our hearts and minds to receive guidance.

The field of positive psychology is the scientific study of the strengths that enable individuals and communities to thrive. It’s a relatively new area of study, (The field originated in the year 2000 which I find interesting. I think I’d have considered it if it were an option circa 1986.) One fact I thought was interesting during my research is that the field focuses on “eudaimonia,” an ancient Greek term for “the good life,” and the concept for reflection on the factors that contribute the most to a well-lived and fulfilling life. What is the “good life” to you? What contributes to fulfillment in your mind? This brings forward a slightly different way to look at these insights on choice and optimization of your life.

As you think through your days, I hope it’s useful to you to consider this idea of CHOICE and the GOOD LIFE. No doubt, all sorts of good and bad come our way, but ultimately we can choose to respond in ways that support how we want to live our lives. That is a POWERFUL gift really. Make no mistake, your choices, impact all around you. If we were to all commit to cultivating the “BEST YES” for us, I believe we would only become stronger and stronger with each decision, and thus serve one another better. Anyone else love that idea?

I pray you are having a truly wonderful week.

Clarity in the chaos

Sometimes this “clarity” happens after the “rumble” but often it happens right in the middle of chaos. It’s as if the heavens opened and sent down a signal (through a friend sharing their story, a headline, sermon, or some other message…). This new information helps you develop a narrative you can understand and create sanity around the situation you are faced with. Sometimes, this revelation offers you just the grace you need to push through, develop a go-forward plan, or perhaps just enough energy to allow you to sit quietly and listen attentively for the next step.

Clarity is found in that listening, and listening is where we find the the ability to ground ourselves.

I am finding that the season that we find ourselves in calls for us to become “grounded” again. To call on our “roots,” if you will, to provide us the viability we need to continue to thrive. Most conversations I have on any given day, include that people are feeling tired and left with no more to give in this year of unknowns. The very idea of waking up everyday and not having a clear view of the road ahead has taken its toll.

The very definition of “grounded” (thank you Google), is “…referring to someones physical and mental state of being confident and sure of oneself… having a strong connection with who you are, and where you are going.” THAT is generally where we find ourselves in January when we make our lists of goals, get motivated by books and messages across our environments, put on our running shoes and show up ready to go after our dreams with gusto. This year, the race fell off course around week 10 and we have been doing all we can to adjust and adapt since then I’m pretty proud of everyone I’m around for their resilience, although I’m keenly aware that the toll is probably not at all calculated yet.

The need has never been greater, regardless of your age, to do what we can to use these final 6 weeks to center and ground ourselves. We need to be intentional and find that extra time to seek joy in all manner of ways. Taking the time for a cup of coffee and deep conversation with a loved one may create a depth you haven’t had in years. These weeks offer us the opportunity to be intentional if we take the time to figure out what might get us to a place of renewal in a chaotic cycle of life.

I am personally praying for all of us today, that we might find ourselves immersed in silent moments that offer to us finding our roots and being refreshed and reminded of what’s truly important in life. It really doesn’t matter what tomorrow brings, because God has given us exactly what we need for today. I hope we will all find clarity in the midst of chaos and a feeling of solid grounding that we don’t even understand.

The power in our first waking thoughts

“For many of us, our first waking thought of the day is, ‘I didn’t get enough sleep.'” (Brene Brown- The Gifts of Imperfection)

How many of us wake up and immediately have thoughts such as, “I’m still tired, I better stay here a bit longer,” or “I can work out later,” or “I have a big day, and need the energy… (AKA, I’ll just hit snooze again….)?”

DANG, I’m totally in that group. Those who study human behavior call this “scarcity” thinking… As in, we aren’t waking up with a focus first on the positive but with a notion of lack… “I am healthy. I am so blessed to wake up and have a purpose.”

You get the picture. I am TOTALLY feeling this one.

In the book noted above (which Brene recently re-released), the “not enough” thinking seems to saturate us early and often. Not enough exercise, work, money, power, time off, weekends, etc. “Before we even sit up in bed, we’re inadequate, behind…already lacking something.” We end the same way, thinking about what we didn’t get to… what remains… Ugh! Why do we do that? According to Brown (and boy is she right on point), “We each have the choice in ANY SETTING to step back and let go of the mind-set of scarcity. Once we let go of scarcity, we discover the surprising truth of sufficiency…a knowing that there IS ENOUGH, and THAT WE ARE ENOUGH.”

We should all pay attention to our thoughts. Our ultimate goal is toward “abundant” thinking. The idea is that focusing on abundance directs us to think through the possible good in each situation. The power of our first thoughts of each day can set the course for the day, and propel us forward, or leave us still in bed, while the world is moving ahead. We are far more incredible than we ever give ourselves credit for. We are powerful and strong and even on those days when we feel we cannot be enough, THAT EVEN WILL BE ENOUGH!

I hope that this message somehow resonates with you as well. The power of the moment as we start our day, should be with some bravado…some touch of momentum and badassery if you will. We are all gifted and able to bring forth a positive movement for this very day. My prayer is that God will work on our minds and allow us to be all we are intended to be.

Bring a point of view

‘Bringing your point of view‘ should be a critical lesson taught early on! (As we know from personal experience, teenagers have one already, so learning how to bring forth a healthy point of view is the focus :))

What I have found is that the companies that hire us are paying us to bring forward our skills, our expertise, our gifts… in the form often of sharing our point of view. And of course, in any type of relationship, we need to be able to share our perspective (our voice if you will) in a healthy way. (I will throw in here that when we are advocating for someone else, such as someone who can’t speak for themselves, then this becomes especially critical.) Being able to do this in all situations can take enormous courage and is a hot topic with popular speakers and authors, notably, Brene Brown in her work Daring Leadership. When I was preparing for today’s blog post, I spent some time contemplating just why it does take so much courage and why are we sometimes not as bold as we hope? Here’s what I came up with….

  1. I’m not even sure we know what a point of view looks like, nor how to bring it forward in a healthy manner in our conversations? Adding to that stream of thought: Maybe it’s that we don’t know what our point of view really is because is vacillates… it’s often not black and white and hard to pin down. I’m a moderate so I often find myself stuck here.
  2. My challenge in my career has been in not understanding that others really do want and need my point of view. I learned this as a senior leader, and am good when sharing it with the folks on our team, but when sharing upward, that hasn’t been true. I finally realized that this is EXACTLY what is needed and desired. It often takes a lot of courage to take a position on a controversial topic, but it is absolutely essential to a healthy workplace. (Side note: I think this is precisely the reason people have not felt until this generation… (Thank you Millennials and Gen Z for showing us how to do this!) that we could address complex issues such as inclusion in the workplace. What a thrill it is to hear voices heard on substantial topics that impact us all.)
  3. Capturing the above two points in a different way… the definition of courage is “The ability to do something that frightens one.” The entire process takes vulnerability and we flat out haven’t generally been trained to be vulnerable. (Side note: Here’s where I think we all need to train ourselves or advocate that our children and all future generations learn early how to do this well. Brene Brown’s work is a terrific place to start… perhaps start with her books, listening to her podcasts, or find someone else who speaks on the topic that you gel with better…). Regardless, it’s important… We can do a world of difference by ensuring this is a dinner table topic on the regular. I know I didn’t even contemplate this at ours until recently.

Here’s to always learning and growing. My hope and prayer today is that we can all get to bringing forth health perspectives and courageously sharing our points of view. God gave us all these brilliants minds, and we should share our stories and voice to ensure a wide understanding to heard.

Some weeds are beautiful

Did you ever have an “a-ha!” experience, which seemed so obvious that you can’t believe it didn’t occur to you earlier? I was pulling some weeds over the weekend and was perplexed by a couple that I couldn’t figure out if they were truly weeds or an intentionally planted flower or bush of some sort. I stopped and added the title of this blog as a note to my phone.

The whole “weeding” process is important for a lot of reasons (I am far from any expert gardener, but some of them are so dang invasive that I can imagine them choking the life out of my nearby plants trying to thrive.)

My research on this whole weed thing got a little out of hand pretty quickly… lots of information… For example, did you know:

  • Weeds protect the soil? (Now, think of life’s weeds: Those troublesome situations we find ourselves in. I think there is a lesson here for us –– they protect us!)
  • Weeds may fertilize the soil? (Again, the challenges almost always make us stronger. Growth almost requires weeds.)
  • Weeds condition the soil? Specifically, “they provide channels for rain and air to penetrate.” (And the parallels to life’s journey continued on as I read … but I’ll stop here.)

I’ve always loved how Jesus teaches us in parables. He has a good one about the weeds. Seeds, too, but I will save that for another blog post.

For today, this thought about beautiful “weeds” really resonates. “Weeds are nature’s way of healing itself.” (Weeds- Guardians of the Soil, Cocannouer)

We need to pay attention to beauty. Even the type that comes disguised.

Hello September: Setting ourselves up for a meaningful and fun wrap to 2020

I have a weekly email to our team at work where I share some fun ideas or things I’ve seen over the week that could offer inspiration or hope. For many, September is like the “other” January, locking into the back to school mindset, and contemplating what you want to accomplish to pull off a truly meaningful year. With so much being different this year, this seems of the highest importance… to truly not let it “go by.” After all, we are only given so many years, and even though one has tried to cancel many of our plans, we can get creative and still ensure we are better at the end of it!

One of the best ideas I saw last week was was putting together a bucket list for the rest of 2020. Something that would be easy, but yet make it perhaps a bit exciting. My mom and I were texting the other night about how nice it would be to actually be able to go visit her Aunt Clara still this year. I loved that and thought it was a good one to add to the list.

Where does your mind go when thinking about what you want to do yet this year? A fall camping trip? A COVID-19-friendly visit to relatives or friends who are a road trip away? A financial goal? How about a wellness goal? Take your first yoga class, or at least try some of the great ones on YouTube? Add deep breathing exercises to your regimen, or create your own 5K walk or run with some friends? How about spiritual goals? How about seeking out a spiritual mentor in a person or some great authors that helps you learn and grow? Family goals? Create a family mission statement? Decide on a place to serve and do it together monthly for the last part of the year?

Where can you dream a bit and what are you willing to commit to? Make it easy, fun and impactful. Please share your ideas! Have an amazing wrap to your week and long weekend ahead, if that is in the cards for you.

As always, cheering your journey on and praying that you will find yourself feeling energized and hopeful if you decide to spend some time with this idea!

Wonder is our birthright… but is risk?

I was sitting in the Ford dealership waiting for my oil change to be done when I overheard a few men chatting it up. One guy was a pastor somewhere close by, and was sharing that he had preached a sermon Sunday called, “Being at Risk.” My ears perked up.

He talked about the fact that when we are young we start on a bicycle, and that is a risk. Then we go out into the world, where we face many challenges, obstacles, and yep, more risks. My mind took its own spin on this narrative, thinking of how true his statement was. It’s risky to live in the world by nature. It’s risky to love someone, it’s risky to even adopt a pet and find yourself on never-ending parenting duty as the puppy learns to potty outside and not bite and chew on your beloved shoes and furniture. But, without the risk, would we have wonder? Even in this picture I picked for today’s blog: As a young child, it probably feels risky to grab your first lightening bug and feel it wiggle in their palm.

The world is full of risk –– and wonder.

I always share with my peers at work that as long as we go into the day and certain situations with our “eyes wide open,” and have a full view of what is coming at us, that together we can overcome anything. My mantra is “no surprises.” Being aware of both the good and the potential risks ahead is critical. Having a positive attitude is a must have, but I would say that surrounding yourself with others that have a unified vision and can show up strong… that’s the most important part.

We have a lot of wonder around us right now. We have a whole lot of opportunity to look around, take it in, rally and build our teams, and get to work finding the wonder. Sure, there is risk. Sure, there are going to be challenging and courageous conversations. There will likely be sweat and maybe tears involved. But, it will quite possibly move us toward wonder. (My mind goes to skydiving. Surely there is so much wonder after the jump to take in!)

A shout out to that pastor for telling his story. As you can see, I couldn’t help but take what I overheard and run with it. I love the thought circuit that we are all at-risk in this life. But to me, that risk is where wonder is created.

Have the best week. My son gets married on Saturday and the beauty in that is incredible. I cannot wait to share pictures later! Sending love and big joy to you all.