To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Family

The Power of Story

I have always been fascinated by that one tree in the middle of a field on a road trip. Somehow it has a story to tell, or so it seems. How did it arrive here? How has it endured the many seasons and harsh conditions? Is it lonely? Is it super confident because “damn, I survived?”

Clearly trees don’t think like us humans, but if they could talk, they’d have some powerful stories to tell. We all have stories, and we need to know and understand them, celebrating their lessons and impact on our lives.

A part of my mom’s recovery process has been a stint at a psychiatric hospital, where the goal was to modify her medications against the new anti-seizures meds to try to get her out of what seemed like a modified coma (or at least a state of not having her mind or many physical functions). I have to tell you, that at first it was beyond scary to be there. People walking, others laying or sitting in beds and chairs, yelling and babbling incoherently.

It’s tough on everyone involved and God bless the care team. My mom leaves there today to start rehabilitating her body. I have to tell you, that I’ve come to love these people who have taken care of her. Yesterday, Maria told me about her 46-year-old marriage and pieced together a story for me about how she is a working woman, a proud mom and how she’s scared. She, like so many, likely has dementia – or a version of Alzheimer’s. She has a story.

Many of these people didn’t seem to have family or friends ever come to visit… no one to hear their story. Even those who do, I wonder if we take the time to understand and listen to the stories.

I’m mindful as a health care leader in the senior space about how we are doing in creating pathways to ensure the dignity of our seniors and to hear their stories. As a now 50-year old, I know I haven’t listened well to the stories of the older generations. We need a culture shift in America to focus on the importance of this. Other countries do this really well, if we can stop and learn from them.

Stories are powerful.

Honoring your children well!

I stand in amazement at how others honor their children so well. Let me first say that honoring can be done in so many ways, and I believe they are all good and necessary. The point today is to lead you all to some folks that do this in ways that astound me, and will spur you onward. I personally love to to learn from others, and these ladies have pushed me along while not knowing it.

Check out these gals if you can; and if not, I have put in a few excerpts below that they recently posted that will offer a flavor of what I believe is pure awesome.

Kira Atkinson-Montuori – Kira always speaks out not only the virtue she sees, but also how her children do this for others. I honestly think without knowing it, she does this instinctively to reward them for being there for others. I love that. What do you want to see more of in your children? Here’s an excerpt from Kira’s Facebook post after her daughter ran the Girls on the Run 5K this weekend:

“She is everything I want to be.

She is determined. She is strong. She believes in herself. She is a goal setter and a goal go getter. And she is kind.

Every picture tells a story. A story about a girl who was excited. nervous. committed to what she wanted. And a girl whose main focus after crossing the line was to go back and congratulate her friends.”

Steph Guerin – This comes from a Facebook post for her son’s birthday (note, it doesn’t have to be her child’s birthday… she does this almost weekly). It’s incredible. Also, please note this is part of a multi-point message, so she really takes the time to honor well. I think that is a key we all need to remember:

“10) You. You, my son are a gift in and of yourself. I love your mind. I love your heart. I love your enthusiasm. I love your determination. I love your desire to win. I love that you would give any friend of yours anything that they wanted. I love your loyalty. I love your secrets. I love your chatter. I love your sense of humor. I love your memory. I love the way you connect things that other people can’t. I love that you get bored with stuff that doesn’t matter- it sucks in 5th grade, but it will serve you well later. I love that you want more than anything to be a good husband and father and that you already have the best taste in girls. I love that you’ve had your career path lined up since you were 5- even though it has changed. I love that you are able to take all the crap the world hands you and say you got it, and now I’m proud you can say you need help. I love that you are an 11 year old boy who can express a full range of emotions. I still wish you’d give me more hugs, but I should give you more, too. We’ll work on that.”

Casi Quinn – Casi does this type of Facebook post often. As parents, expressing our raw hearts is important and yet I find myself not doing it as much as I should – rarely even. Taking the time to point out this level of detail, leaves the family with a connection on how they should live out their lives. The lesson here for me, at the minimum, is that we teach our children how to honor by how we honor:

“Tonight was prom. And as we come to a close on Colton’s Senior year, I am once again reminded that behind every great older brother (in our house) is a younger brother who is equally as great. What memories they have made! How they have cherished one another….

I have watched them build forts, igloos, homemade weapons (In case they were ever stranded out in the wilderness). They have fought together, prayed together, cried together, laughed together – grown up together.

They have been roommates. Teammates. Schoolmates. Partners in crime…they are the epitome of what brothers should be. And I am so proud. So. Dang. Proud.”

Colton Quinn you are an amazing big brother. You are Just. Who. AJ. Needed. No one could have done the job as his big brother better than you. In your outlandish way, you brought out the best of him. You showed him that it was ok to be himself. And when he felt the world was against him, you would lift him up. God knew just what He needed. And AJ Quinn, you have been a silent strength. An unwavering constant that was a safe place for Colton to grow and learn that love doesn’t care about differences. A listener. An encourager. You’ve brought him peace – and balance. What a gift you are to one another!!”

Kira, Steph and Casi: Your words and heart are a profound lesson for us all. THANK YOU!

I hope this post gave you some ideas on how to dig deeper in honoring. No matter what, I hope that all of you will take some time this week to offer up a bit of extra honor to your children, or another loved one that could benefit!

Simple Thoughts Sunday: It is truly all joy

(Is this not the greatest photo? Credits go to Ann Voskamp who is wonderful to follow, and she took it I believe from “@Bored Panda,” which I am now following, and they credit: “@howfarhome.” That’s an Instagram account focused on travel! Worth following!)

So, it is truly all joy. I know that is hard sometimes.

I never even knew about this famous verse in the Bible until about 10 years after my divorce, infertility and some other fun and not-so-fun experiences. I sure wish I would I have known about it because it would have helped shape my perspective.

It is one of those that you have to live through to “feel it… to know it’s sheer truth.” Life throws curve balls, course corrections and all sorts of hurdles that cause us deep desperation, pain, or simple tears. In the end, these are the times we clarify and cleanse our souls. We find God through this times often, and we lean into friendships and a new level of family intimacy. It’s the layer where magic unfolds.

This picture is taken in the Netherlands, which is known world-wide for their annual tulip festivals with over 15,000 types of tulips and literally fields upon fields of elegance. (This happens in April every year.) I would sure love to see this beauty with my own eyes. The notion of riding bikes through the tulips sounds like a fantasy. You see, the magic = the beauty found in the fields. The fields only arise after rain and plenty of upkeep. This, my friends, is where the beauty of our lives happens: In all kinds of seasons.

As you go into your week and month, remember no matter how bad, good, emotionally or physically you may be challenged… COUNT IT ALL JOY. It is bound to produce something beautiful.

What is the ‘on ramp’ to that conversation you need to have?

Challenging conversations are a big part of life, and are they usually aren’t particularly easy to navigate. The streams of thoughts in our heads may include:

What if they don’t understand?

What if they think I’m totally off the mark and am creating drama?

What if I upset them? 

What if they never talk to me again? Storm out? Quit?  

What if, worse yet, they tell others and my reputation is damaged? Or, if it’s a family member, what if the family “peace” is upended and our family gatherings are never the same again…?

Honestly, these are more tame than some of the scenarios I’ve been able to drum up that get far outside of these fairly normal “what ifs.” It’s challenging to approach a difficult subject with someone we care about. I have found this equally difficult in the work place, and at home. The good news is as I’ve gained experience and age, it is frankly much easier. Here are some thoughts on the matter:

  1. You need a strategy. The best conversations are those that you have really given some thought to. The kind of thought where you take notes of the key points you need to address and actually role play them in your head with actual examples so that you can be fair and clear. Plan…. Bottom line is you need to plan!
  2. You need to listen. I just read that the average physician listens for 18 seconds before interrupting the patient with their plan and two cents on their “illness” they came in for. The thinking is that we are all pretty much in the “18 second” category  in terms of our ability to truly listen. We need to go into the conversation with the intent to listen and then DO IT. I am not so good at this… It’s a work in progress, but it is valid and it shows respect and wisdom.
  3. Always be kind. It is never necessary to be rude, cynical or even a hint dismissive in any conversation. It always serves us and others best if we go in with a heart of kindness. If you can’t do that, you should probably wait to have the conversation.

So, what are your “on ramps” to a challenging conversation? I can think of a few more, but these are a good place to get the conversation rolling. We’d all love to hear from you…

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Onward we can… onward we are better

Happy Sunday everyone! I am sure you may have seen someone close their email signature or their letters/cards with a simple, “Onward.” A statement that may reflect their faith or their hope in the future.

This past week was the annual Give Seven Days events in Kansas City as I shared in my Thursday blog. It’s a week where the community comes together to learn and unify. In its fourth year, it is gaining momentum in our community. Like others across our world, perhaps we feel the need greater than at any other time in our generation. The need, the desire… to come together and ensure we are able to live in a world of peace, a world that welcomes all, and where all receive the love and support they need to enjoy a healthy life. It has been powerful, certainly giving a strong meaning to the word ONWARD, and sparking thoughts on just how we can be a part of this positive future. Where can we step in and ensure we are educating ourselves and doing our part for our families and loved ones?

On Monday, the week will conclude with the Faith & Love Walk which will be at the National World War I Museum in Kansas City, Mo. Events start at 5:30 with the walk at 6:30. There will be food trucks as well for those who want to grab dinner with friends or family. It is a simple and short walk which has the purpose of showing our unity with one another in our community. I hope you will strongly consider bringing out your crew, or joining ours at the event.

If you aren’t able to join, I hope that you will think about how you can best help your family learn about others in our communities and how we can together create greater understanding and inspire love for all who walk our path.

My prayer is that your week will be the best this year!

Serving well in the workplace

It’s Maundy Thursday today (also known as Holy Thursday or Covenant Thursday). I don’t really celebrate, so to speak,  but always have in the back of my mind that I needed to “go deeper” in my thinking. The significance is that it commemorates the Last Supper of Jesus Christ with the apostles. In other words, those people that became like family in the process.

That day, we also hear the incredible part of the story of Jesus kneeling to wash the feet of his disciples, and while doing so lets them know what is about to happen, giving them the following beautiful instruction:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”

I love that Jesus modeled how to serve well in the workplace so to speak. Without deep reflection, these are the easy lessons I pull from the Maundy Thursday celebration:

  1. Those that work alongside us should become like a second family to us. Caring for them in the workplace and having a great awareness and caring of their personal lives is important for a thriving team. The bottom line is we are to love, and to me that means showing our genuine concern for their lives. (Please know that just like we sometimes have, Jesus faced opposition even within his own team of disciples… He loved them anyway.)
  2. Leaders with humility are rare and important. We should all strive, whether we are leading great numbers or leading ourselves to be humble and honor others when we can. (Side note: There is always an opportunity to give honor.)
  3. Finally, communication is central to any healthy workplace. Jesus was sharing a tough message, but he took the time to gather his team, to celebrate their accomplishments and to share what the near future looked like, equipping them with encouragement and direction. There is a lot to be learned here for all of us.

Have a simply wonderful weekend everyone! Oh, and GO ROYALS! (It’s finally baseball season again!)

The back story: Even the best highlight reels have them

I had my 50th birthday last week and wrapped up what ended up being a wonderful trip to pick my son Sam up from Australia where he was studying abroad. I posted some fun pictures along the way and it was fun to see everyone’s comments and birthday wishes.

That is the absolutely best part about Facebook: using it as a tool for encouragement. As a community we are darn good at encouraging one another on that  medium! It got me thinking that sometimes we see pictures, videos, etc.  and think others have a “storybook” life and that might make us wish we had that, too, or at least that part of it! I think we all know by now that social media is generally a place we share the great things going on in our lives, and not the parts that aren’t so much fun.

This blog post today is a call for us all to remember that there is always a back story.

Most of the greatest successes in the history of our country have come from those whose lives didn’t start out glamorous, and often were filled with hardship and struggle. What I have found in the average person I know, is that their lives are full.  Full of joy, sadness, anxiety, excitement, fun and sometimes hardship that is difficult to understand. No one is immune to these truths in life.

Just before I left for Australia, I was experiencing some health issues (anxiety triggered by higher-than-normal blood pressure, acid reflux — Yep… I thought it was a heart attack on its way).  I am pretty sure most, if not all of it, was stress related since I felt so much better while away. I also, in all of my “semi-hiking” glory, had a knee injury and walked around with a beautiful tan knee brace which was very, let’s say, “50+.”

If anyone of you have been on a family vacation for any period of time, you know that there are often a few glorious moments of heated exchange.  I think you get the point…we all have a back story.  We all have our great days and those that, frankly, suck. It’s all part of the ride! Have a great weekend!

The ‘no fly zone’ effect

If you are a This is Us follower, you may have caught the episode earlier this season where  Kevin’s family’s significant others waited out the family meeting at a local establishment, getting in a good laugh while talking about the the Pearson family ‘no fly zone.’

You know, those sensitive discussion topics that we “just don’t go there” in conversation. In some cases, that may mean the topic is only for immediate family only, or for some it may mean a topic that you are not willing to talk about, period.

In the show, the ‘no fly zone’ focuses on the death and addiction problems surrounding the dad, Jack Pearson, Kate’s weight, Randall’s issues raised via his brilliance and his adoption into the family – and the list goes on. It’s complicated, but then again, aren’t all of our lives?

I immediately wrote down this as a good blog topic because I wonder how  many of us have ‘no fly zone’ areas where we can’t or won’t go with those we love the most. “No need to talk about it. It was what it was and time will heal.” Right? Maybe. My years of experience tell me that a healthy family and relationship is surrounded by honesty; full disclosure if you will.

I’m sure we’ve all thought at some point that somehow our extended family is “different” or “strange,” and that those large family gatherings are sure to be awkward. The truth is we all have characters in our family that are so different from us that they seem like someone we may not want our significant others to know about right away.

Whether it’s family, the fact that you got fired from a job (I did in college) or whatever potentially sensitive area it may be, being able to destruct the ‘no fly zone’ and be transparent with those closest to you will make you feel so much better. “Sharing is caring,” as the saying goes. Sharing is also healing!

What are the ‘no fly zones’ you need to address?

Black History Month series: If you still don’t understand

Here’s the story of Mae Berther Carter, who raised a young family in 1965

That really isn’t that long ago, if you ask me! I think it’s important to put things into perspective.

During 1965, Ms. Carter enrolled 7 of her 13 children (boy, she had to have been busy!) in public schools that were previously reserved only for white students.

Despite people firing bullets into her home, she persisted. Despite being evicted from her home, she persisted. (Does “Nevertheless, she persisted” conversation from last year resonate with anyone else here?)

In 1969, Ms. Carter and her husband won a lawsuit challenging the “freedom of choice” laws. That same year, a court order ended the segregation system in the Drew School District. All 7 of those children later graduated from that school. (No clue what happened to the other six…) It is hard to fathom a school — and for that matter, public or private spaces — being reserved only for certain people. To think that inequality like this ever existed is far from the teaching of most value systems, spiritual and not. (Side note: There is inequality still today in so many areas, which is in a large part what the #MeToo movement is about. I am not so sure our country has advanced as much as it could have.)

At any rate, these stories compel me, as they shrink the topic to a level I can consume.

My mom was 22 years old then, and although she’s aging now, it’s hard to think she walked through this world at the same age my boys are now. That brings it close to home for me. As I shared Tuesday, science shows through epigenetics that those harsh realities impact the generations that followed, including those alive today.

That means someone you sit next to at work or church; someone you watch on television or perhaps in one of the Oscar-nominated films — they’re affected. You see, we all have our story. We all have backgrounds that shape us. I think all of us need to go into conversations throughout life with a greater understanding that everyone has a journey and the best thing we can do is listen, seek to understand and, of course, serve others freakishly good and always be kind.

I hope you and your family are taking some time this month to learn more stories like Mae’s. Consider checking out The King Center, which showcases some terrific information.

Team USA: The power of unity

I am a huge fan of the Olympics! (I favor the Winter Olympics, but it’s all awesome!)

When the 2010 Winter Olympics were in nearby Vancouver, Canada, my sister, boys and I hopped over and attended a few events. The feeling of a world unified by something is so powerful. Let me tell you, you felt that love. It makes me wish there were Olympic games annually.

The kick off of the 2018 Winter Games tonight has me considering the whole concept of unity and being a team. What creates the movement where a team becomes unified? What drives them to pull together to win?

If you are a Kansas Citian, you know the feeling from our hometown team, the Royals. When they came together to win the World Series, it was palpable around town. There was no denying the unity of the team, and as a result, the town. (Unity is contagious… what we call good energy!) We saw the same thing Sunday night when the power of team and focus came through during post-game interviews with the Philadelphia Eagles. (Did anyone else catch the local shout out to the Blue Valley Tigers that won the Kansas state title this fall? Another example of unity! I attended a preseason golf tournament and you could feel it even then. I believe that team unity doesn’t happen over night. I had nothing to do really with this team, but still felt their energy and excitement. That’s the power of unity.)

When the athletes take the field tonight, I hope that you notice that unity is alive and well, and has been since the beginning of the modern day games in 1896. (Fun fact: They first started as a pagan religious festival in 776 in Greece, but after a 393 hiatus, regrouped to what we know today as the Olympic games.)

The Olympics as a movement has three main parts, according to reference.com. They include the International Olympic Committee, The International Federations and the National Olympic Committees. The three work together to:

  • PROMOTE PEACE
  • ENCOURAGE PEACE AMONG YOUNG ATHLETES

Sports help athletes engage on the field without discrimination, the reference goes on to say. Forming friendships and practicing fair play are the cornerstones of the events. I love all of that, don’t you?

As we go into the next few weeks watching the big events, I hope this resonates with you and you think about how we should all strive for this type of effort. As the athletes showcase, it takes work, discipline and often a mind-over-matter approach to the sport or, in this case, the game of life.

We can be unified as a country. We can reveal friendships. We can become a strong, cohesive unit. As a family, a community and a country. I believe in TEAM USA!