To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Family

Be that friend

I hope I don’t offend some with this post, but I feel like it’s a needed message. More and more often it feels like people (of all ages) are okay with “mediocrity.” What does that even mean…?

Definition: “ordinariness, commonplaceness, lack of inspiration, indifference… A person of mediocre ability; nobody, lightweight, amateur…”

We are too surprised when we get “great” service at the post office, restaurants, or a routine call to a local utility or similar. When did this happen? Over time, the standards of excellence appear to have declined. At one time even I, with little supervision, couldn’t leave the house on a Friday without dusting every last knick-knack in the house. (If you are younger than me, ask me or someone older what a knick-knack means. Trust me, the generation above ours loved these, and if you don’t believe it’s a real thing, look it up – I had to. I thought it most certainly was not only vintage language but totally made up. (Sub-note: I vowed to never have knick-knacks at a very early age. I highly recommend we continue this ban.))

I love this idea that friends don’t let other friends be mediocre. Really, we all need someone – hopefully a band of people – who are willing and able to help us rise above commonplace. Being average, being “okay,” just getting along… that’s not what we want, is it? I firmly believe that 99% of all people want to fulfill their purpose, to serve well, to propel ourselves and others to new levels. I also know from experience that we need those friends to lift us up, give us a nudge, help us push past our own narrative and into new thresholds. These are coaches, friends, co-workers, nurses, doctors, teachers, neighbors, and yes, family. These are people like you and me! This takes courage… it takes the willingness to have meaningful dialogue that can take time and investment. These are the conversations that become the difference makers and game-changers.

Let’s all make a commitment this week to be that friend who cares enough to have that candid conversation. I’ve written about it before but let’s cater to each others success, not our egos. We need real friends who care and as a result, we all make this world so much better.

So thankful for each of you!

It takes a strong person to be kind

An excerpt from Maria Shriver’s short read, “I’ve been Thinking,” was powerful to me:

“We all want to be treated with kindness, because we are all struggling in some way, shape or form. I had to learn this as an adult, because growing up in a large, competitive, and tough Irish Catholic family, I used to confuse kindness with weakness. When I grew up, I learned differently. I now understand that kindness doesn’t mean weakness. You have to be really strong to be kind…You have to be really mindful … A person may look ‘happy on the outside,’ but who knows what’s happening on the inside.”

Some of the strongest people I know are also the kindest. And many have been through or are going through some crazy-hard life situations. They show up with a hug or inspirational words despite facing great loss and suffering. Knowing that was proof enough for Maria’s message to resonate with me.

I know that God has given me enough grace in some of my own “most difficult life experiences” to allow me to “show up” as kind and generous in my actions despite how I really felt inside. I can’t take credit for this because, like most of humanity, I’m not strong enough on my own. I give thanks for that to both by faith and a strong tribe of friends and family that surround me.

Today, be proud of yourself for showing up kind, in the midst of whatever is going on in your life. The ability to do so reveals great strength. I believe we definitely make the world better by showing kindness in every possible moment we can…especially when it’s the hardest to do so. You know what else is fun? Doing so likely will have the outcome of making us feel happier, which is a pretty cool by-product.

Never underestimate the importance of reassurance

Throwback Thursday! Rewinding it to this relevant post from last year.

Sharing is caring… Always a truth I fully support. I read something similar to this phrase recently and I gave an internal standing ovation, which inspired me to share.

To me, this might be the most important reminder we all get this week, or even this month. Taking the time to reassure one another is so important to a healthy community. The best leaders get this. Parents do this often when children are younger. But we need to remember that this is necessary at all ages for ourselves, our family, and our colleagues.

Who can you reassure today? Get creative with your list. Throw a quick idea below… we would all love to ignite our imagination.

  • The UPS delivery person who delivers your Amazon Prime packages could use a thank you for a job well done.
  • The front desk team member who welcomed you and had you complete that “annoying” paperwork. (Which, I assure you, they weren’t thrilled about either…)
  • The grocery store clerk that is starting hour 8 of a 10-hour shift?

I hope that you have a strong end to your week! Thank you for taking a moment or two to read these heartfelt insights.

Being realistic about getting to a happy life

I had a revelation on Saturday. I am not entirely sure where it came from, but one of my dear friends was sharing with me that she didn’t know if she would ever get to happiness. I had a strong, clear reaction which kind of surprised me to be honest (since, like I’m sure many of you, sometimes happiness can be hard to nail down…). I guess it was somewhat of a lightbulb moment or a personal epiphany. Here’s what I responded to her statement:

Happiness is a moment – and then another moment.

I went on to say that sometimes I feel that America gives us a false hope that happiness is something we obtain – a pinnacle or a mountaintop where we stay once we achieve. (I also may have said that it was an American fantasy from hell, but maybe that was a bit strong?) In this moment, I somehow owned this while I was saying it. While I’m clearly not a researcher on happiness, I am compelled to believe this is the absolute truth.

Sure, happiness “is a choice” most days and through most seasons. We can choose to find joy in the smallest pleasures, like a light breeze hitting our face on a warm day, or a courageous flower popping up through the sidewalk crack. Oftentimes, happiness eludes us. We look right past the elderly couple holding hands in the grocery store, or the fact that we woke up breathing, or that were able to celebrate another birthday with friends and family.

Happiness… It’s in both the experiences we choose and those that choose us. A season of questioning or when your spirit just isn’t joyful, doesn’t mean you aren’t happy. It just means you are normal and that happiness is about to catch you again! Be on the lookout for those. A happy life is a compilation of happy moments. Cheering you all on!

My top books of 2019 – so far

Happy Tuesday! Today’s a good day to share what I’ve learned so far this year through my readings. They have all been good, with Notorious RBG, The Art of Gathering & Joyful being my favs.

I picked one take away from each of them and shared it below. If you decide to grab one let me know what you think (or if you’ve read them already)! Have an amazing week!

The Messy Middle, by Scott Belsky – This is a leadership read that is pretty heavy in content (it took me a while to get through it and truly digest the information). One of my favorite insights was on “organizational debt,” which is “the idea of ‘bounty program’ … in this system, any employee who encounters a policy or process that is hindering their ability to deliver value to the customer can submit the policy/process and a recommendation to the program website. The idea is to incentivize everyone to bash inefficiencies and dumb practices that contribute to organizational debt.”

The Art of Gathering, by Priya Parker – So much amazing work in this book. I’d grab this one for sure if you like to read. One simple idea here: “If you want a lively but inclusive conversation as a core part of your gathering, eight to twelve people is the number you should consider. Smaller than eight, the group can lack diversity in perspective; larger than twelve, it begins to be difficult to give everyone a chance to speak.”

Girl, Wash Your Face, by Rachel Hollis – This book is just so fun. It’s a simple read/self help type of book with some profound thoughts. One particular idea that I liked: “1.) I went to therapy. 2.) I hustled for joy. (love, love, love this) 3.) I reordered my list.”

Woke Church, by Eric Mason – I read this alongside a beautiful young professional I sometimes get a chance to mentor. It’s a call to justice and about understanding how socioeconomic, philosophical and historical realities inform our responsibility. An abbreviated excerpt from the back of this book says it best: “The church in America should have rejected the first whispers of slavery. But we didn’t. We should have stopped segregation and Jim Crow before they affected communities. But we didn’t. We should have been woke, but we’ve been asleep.”

Joyful, by Ingrid Fetell Lee – A really interesting and fun read that covers the full gamut of joy. One idea I appreciated: “I began to notice that while the topic of work-life balance comes up frequently in media, play is largely absent from the conversation… The most joyful people I know manage to hold space for play in their adult lives (think playing a sport, family game night, etc.).

The 10X Rule, by Grant Cardone – A classic book that has been around for a bit. So many key parts to this, but the one I hadn’t heard and resonated the most: “You must keep adding wood until the fire is so hot that no one – and nothing – can put out your success.” This was a call to action around all areas of your life! Keep adding wood my friends to what’s important to you!

Notorious RBG, by Irin Carmon and Shana Knizhnik – Honestly you should read this no matter what your political interests or otherwise area. This absolutely fun read about the life of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Gisburg is terrific in at least 100 different ways. I love all of it, but this quote in the beginning received a few stars: While reading her dissent in a voting rights case, she quotes Martin Luther King directly, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice,” she said, but then she added her own words: “If there is a steadfast commitment to see the task through to completion.” Now that is true and powerful.

The 5AM Club, by Robin Sharma – I have followed Sharma for many years and his latest is a great reminder of the power of taking over our days by starting out right. His section on the 4 focuses of history-makers is solid: 1) Capitalization IQ (“What makes a legendary performer so good isn’t the amount of natural talent they are born into, but the extent of that potential they actualize and capitalize.”) 2) Freedom from Distraction 3) Day Stacking 4) Personal Mastery practice.

Farsighted, by Steven Johnson – The book is all about how we make decisions and how to make better ones. His compelling first comments, “Countless studies have shown, humans are wired to resist losses more than to seek gains,” set you off on a deeper understanding of how our habits and even wiring may not help us make the best decisions and how we should consider understanding at a deeper level how to make better choices.

Chasing Daylight, by Eugene O’Kelly – I have blogged previously about this excellent, short read. Mr. Kelly wrote this book over his last few months after an unexpected illness took over his body at 53 years old. It’s a powerful reminder to to live intentionally. “To get the most out of each moment and day-and not just pass through it.”

What do you NEED today?

So… what do YOU need today?

What will absolutely brighten your day?

Fill your soul? Lighten your load?

Spark a fire?

Ignite your creativity?

What would it take to go do that? What would you or someone else have to do to make that happen? Spring is all about fresh life, hope, joy… Our life is ours to create, to curate, and to actually live in abundantly!

Sounds easy, right? Maybe for some. But in case you are like me and struggle with this at first, I want to share a mind mapping exercise I use to make this happen each year.

I start by putting each of my life’s main categories (finance, career, family, spiritual etc.) on paper, then I develop 2-3 key action items for each one of them to ensure I achieve my personal goals or dreams. My new addition to this exercise today is asking: Where can I add joy, – or, what would brighten my days? – in each area? For example, instead of “spend more time with my family,” perhaps I could expand that to “embark on a Saturday road trip with my sister by the end of May.”

I’d love to hear your ideas!

Here’s to a great week and the best spring ever – let’s make it so!

Laughter & pain: Life requires both

Laughter is the best medicine, right? Actually, laughing does produce those feel-good chemicals called endorphins. According to scientists, laughing has the power to increase pain tolerance, improve quality of life, and, based on experience, provide levity during challenging conversations or situations.

I have often felt like I had two choices: to laugh or downright cry. I usually try to go the laughter route (unless my hormones get a say – ha!), because it feels more healing to me. Life can be pretty harsh some times. I hope that we all remember to take a step back during those times and reframe our situation. Perhaps there is nothing that can make it “lighter.” Perhaps the pain is so deep that crying is the healing source. Or perhaps it requires both.

I have some friends going through some grueling experiences: losses of family, divorces, children with health issues – some sad and agonizing stuff. I want them to know that it is okay to laugh. It is okay to find humor in the smallest things. It is okay to do whatever is needed to find a ray of light in the situation. Whatever the case, may we all reflect as much sunshine and hope into this world as we possibly can.

I hope your week finds your spirit ready for spring and the fun and beauty it brings!

Simple Thoughts Sunday: The personal power in refreshing others

Re-fresh-ment: “The giving of fresh, mental or physical strength or energy.” Synonyms: Invigoration, revitalizing, restoring, strengthening, regenerating

Isn’t that great? I particularly love the part about giving. We actually have the power to GIVE someone strength and energy. Amazing. What if everyone you ran into knew that and acted upon it positively? What if our inner circle, family, friends, etc., received this reminder today? Would it be a game changer for the environment around us? I sure think so! (Heck, even the enthusiasm around March Madness elevates the energy in the conversation.)

One thing I’ve known for a long time is that if I’m having a bad day, the surest way to reverse course is to focus on someone else and help to fill a need if possible.

ELooking back, this makes sense. Before I actually read the Bible through, I used to read the Psalms and proverbs year after year. These short messages provide the best guidance I know of on how to live life well. I loved that in my daily reading this week, that I came across the powerful Proverb above. What a simple, yet profound thought that comes directly from God’s word.

As we go into this week, I plan to keep this top of mind. What are some ways we can “refresh” others this week? Let’s fill the world around us with all kinds of crazy good. Be refreshed my friends.

What do you need right now?

This captures my attention for some reason. I don’t know if it is because of the weather, or because it seems like every other conversation I have been a part of lately points to one of the parties needing a deeper level of caring.

We all tend to go through our days, moving through our agendas and checking off our lists, but I’m not sure we spend enough time thinking about what our hearts and souls are telling us they “need” at the moment. It seems that we need to listen and be aware more of those signs we are surely getting that say we need more of something – healthier food, sleep, etc. I also think that we should challenge our colleagues, friends, family and loved ones to ask the question and really act on what they need. I call this “self preservation” – some call it self care.

Self care has multiple benefits, impacting your physical and emotional health. It’s an important topic and one I hope that you all take action toward. As Lady Gaga said at the Grammy’s last week, and I shared on Sunday, “We gotta take care of each other.” We do this best if we take care of ourselves first.

Let’s make this coming weekend a time for drawing closer to what this might mean and act accordingly.

Thank you, Dr. King

Please don’t dismiss this week’s celebration of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

If you are a news junkie, no doubt it has been front and center (along with football playoffs and winter) the last few days. Others are avoiding the news, instead gravitating toward anything but the often-negative stories that flood into our homes.

For this week, it is worthwhile to take in the story of his life… again.

If you’d like a simple place, use this. The “I have a dream” video is also worth your 5 minutes.

My friend Gretchen who substitute teaches (lucky kids) told me that she asked her class the other day who today’s heroes are. The collective group couldn’t really come up with any. Maybe some athletes, but overall the exercise provided pause that left everyone asking who deserves such a title today? Who is doing work that addresses the big issues?

Thankfully there are a LOT of heroes in our world. Many who are quietly serving – and some more noteworthy … spending their days working on complex & big issues. But there is always room for more stand-outs who can GALVANIZE our country. People like Dr. King who sacrificed their lives for the good of man and society.

The quote above is my favorite of Dr. King’s. It resonates with me and I hope it does with you. What issues have we been silent about? The definition of silence meaning that you haven’t really done anything to share your concern and take action to help improve the situation. This could be as easy as walking by litter in your own neighborhood, or as complex as taking on the hate that impacts our world.

 (A shout out to my friend Mindy Corporon and family who are working toward improvement in this area via their foundation and their annual week-long event bringing awareness to these issues.) 

Whatever the issue is that you have a passion for, please don’t be silent. It’s a new year and I’m often glad Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday is celebrated this month, because this is a month to LAUNCH – to kick off or renew a commitment to what is important in our lives. (If you don’t have anything that stands out, please join Mindy and team.)

While you are at it, if you have children in your life that you can inspire, encourage them this week to identify those issues and begin to step forward as a leader to truly impact our world for the positive. I’m confident that today’s youth have what it takes to continue to make America the greatest country in the world.