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“Use your words”

Throwing it back to a post from April that feels really relevant right now. Cheering you on, friends!

In a moment of frustration a few months back, a friend shared with me this basic truth: “use your words.”

This simple phrase stuck with me. The idea resonated and seemed to be applicable for many areas of life. Imagine if we all could use this thought with the end goal of developing healthy relationships? How might the world improve if we encouraged loving and candid conversations? Why had I not honed in on this phrase before? (It sure may have been useful when the boys were younger.)

Here’s the question I ask to frame this up for myself: What is the most loving thing to do or say in this situation? In every conversation, be it work, home, or some other relationships, using your words and sharing your heart is often the most loving/compassionate thing you can do. If you don’t, you run the risk of not fostering healthy relationships and likely even causing that uncomfortable tension that happens when we don’t fully share what is stirring in our soul.

Here are a few possible scenarios:

  • Claiming ground rules and boundaries. (Yeah, we still need to clean up after we cook in the kitchen.)
  • Sharing that you are really scared, that you don’t know how you are going to come out of this financially, physically, mentally or emotionally.
  • Telling a co-worker that you need them to communicate better for the greater good of the team even though you know they are feeling stressed.

I’m sure you can come up with several other useful scenarios. I locked in on this topic early in the week. I had never heard anyone else share this truth of “using your words.” I have however always found that the universe has a way of validating if we are on the right track. Just yesterday, one of my favorite blog follows, theartofsimple.net, shared a few poems and one was titled “Use your words.” I love it.

I hope that this insight offers some encouragement and useful thoughts as you embark on another week. Let’s all choose to use our words and LOVE WELL!

Wonder is our birthright… but is risk?

I was sitting in the Ford dealership waiting for my oil change to be done when I overheard a few men chatting it up. One guy was a pastor somewhere close by, and was sharing that he had preached a sermon Sunday called, “Being at Risk.” My ears perked up.

He talked about the fact that when we are young we start on a bicycle, and that is a risk. Then we go out into the world, where we face many challenges, obstacles, and yep, more risks. My mind took its own spin on this narrative, thinking of how true his statement was. It’s risky to live in the world by nature. It’s risky to love someone, it’s risky to even adopt a pet and find yourself on never-ending parenting duty as the puppy learns to potty outside and not bite and chew on your beloved shoes and furniture. But, without the risk, would we have wonder? Even in this picture I picked for today’s blog: As a young child, it probably feels risky to grab your first lightening bug and feel it wiggle in their palm.

The world is full of risk –– and wonder.

I always share with my peers at work that as long as we go into the day and certain situations with our “eyes wide open,” and have a full view of what is coming at us, that together we can overcome anything. My mantra is “no surprises.” Being aware of both the good and the potential risks ahead is critical. Having a positive attitude is a must have, but I would say that surrounding yourself with others that have a unified vision and can show up strong… that’s the most important part.

We have a lot of wonder around us right now. We have a whole lot of opportunity to look around, take it in, rally and build our teams, and get to work finding the wonder. Sure, there is risk. Sure, there are going to be challenging and courageous conversations. There will likely be sweat and maybe tears involved. But, it will quite possibly move us toward wonder. (My mind goes to skydiving. Surely there is so much wonder after the jump to take in!)

A shout out to that pastor for telling his story. As you can see, I couldn’t help but take what I overheard and run with it. I love the thought circuit that we are all at-risk in this life. But to me, that risk is where wonder is created.

Have the best week. My son gets married on Saturday and the beauty in that is incredible. I cannot wait to share pictures later! Sending love and big joy to you all.

Summer 2020: A state of mind

What is your state of mind?

Are you owning this rare season of creation and rebalance? Are you rethinking how you live and love? Are you prioritizing new traditions and generating new thinking? 

Summer 2020 is just the time to sow some new and glorious seeds. If we so choose, this could be an amazing time to water our own souls, and perhaps those God has placed in our lives.

The season will reveal what you plant and nurture… I pray that your state of mind is pure sunshine and running through the sprinkler. BOLD prayers for you all as you enter another week!

Amplify the yes, and shake off what doesn’t build you up

Amplify (verb): To make larger, greater or stronger.

Who else could amplify some things in their life right now?

Expand my wisdom? Yes please!
Develop stronger patience? Why yes, I think I will!
Increase my energy? Heck yes! I would love that!

We can all use this message, and can benefit from a reminder to amplify the good. We also need to remember the power of manifesting positivity. I believe we have all been given the strength and gifts we need, be it through our own work and determination, or from the people who have been placed in our paths.

When talking to a friend once, I shared how I imagined a serious conversation I needed to have would play out. I thought, at the time, that I was being realistic. She quickly reminded me not to put that negativity out into the universe. Instead, I should expect it would go well.

I have to say, I still think I’m more than likely right –– but so is she! I need to amplify the potential positive here. Easier said than done, right?

This summer, more than any other time before, I think we could all benefit from putting this at the forefront of our minds. We need to shake off –– a la Taylor Swift –– anything that doesn’t build us up. Who or what builds you up? Makes you have a spring in your step? Brings you energy? Makes you the best version of yourself?

On the flip side, who or what brings you down? How can you reduce that influence? What boundaries do you need to put in place to protect yourself? All important questions.

I hope as we head into this next month that you bring on the power of your best self and do everything you can to reduce the friction of what doesn’t. In fact, I’m praying for that as I write this. Have a tremendous rest of your week and happy Fourth of July!

(Rewind! This is a modified throwback post.)

Calling God into the center

I need God…

  • in my conversations.
  • in places I can’t find peace.
  • in my EVERY next move.

Those thoughts are where my heart is right now. I feel more than ever that God is working and there is energy toward healing across our nation. It’s clear that we have been positioned toward unity and reconciliation, if we will stay the course.

First, through COVID-19, there was a movement toward the dinner table and a reprioritization of our lives. On the heels – with what seems like perfect timing (perhaps we weren’t ready as a nation before now…) – decades-long issues of racial inequality has become central in our minds and hearts. Injustice is finally making its way into family conversations, raising awareness & leading toward meaningful action.

For today’s “Simple Thoughts Sunday,” I ask you to remember to keep God centered in your every step forward. Scripture tells numerous stories of calls to love your neighbor and how to respond to injustice or hate. In fact, scripture supports peaceful protesting as a way to unify and create change.

I have so many more questions than answers right now. As I mentioned earlier this week, we have to keep our hearts and minds focused and our actions BOLD until we see a world closer to the one God envisioned: One where all men and women are treated as equal. To do that, we must invite God in to the story.

I’m ending today with a text excerpt from a dear friend who happens to be black. She’s hurting right now more than ever, but make no mistake, this pain is only compounded by the injustice she and those she loves experiences many days of her life. I stand with her and I hope you will as well.

My question to her: “What can and should I be doing right now?” Her reply….

“Be unafraid, be vulnerable, be compassionate, be open, be willing to empathize, be a change agent, be a VOICE, be MY voice, see my worth, value MY life.”

She ended with this: “Hard conversations have to occur in order for any change to happen. It’s long overdue, but I have faith that we will get there… one day.”

Let’s hope for my friend and so many that we love that “one day” comes with the voice and actions of this generation. As she said… it will indeed take faith…her faith & our collective faith. I believe it will require God’s provision in every area. That is my prayer today. Here’s to a powerful week and standing boldly together!

Everyone needs a champion!

This is such an important message – one that we should all feel strongly about.

It doesn’t matter if you are young like these sweet girls, in school, starting your career, mid-career or past retirement age. It doesn’t matter if you work or don’t work. It doesn’t matter what your education is or how awesome your credentials are. One hundred percent of us are happier and more fulfilled when we have a champion – preferably a few!

I didn’t realize it was such a problem until I started a new job quite a few years ago. It was difficult for me to understand that most people I worked with directly went through their days and years (in one case, over 20 years) without a champion. In fact, when asked who their champion was, there was a blank stare as if they didn’t know what a champion was. It was palpable in the culture. I have since then had this conversation with many, and found that our company was not alone. I also found that many across my social groups also didn’t feel they necessarily had a champion in life. That is just not right. (Side note: I’m not indicating that the entire company was that way, but pockets within the office.)

I wondered how they progressed… learned… advanced… I found out that most of them really didn’t – they were stagnant. Sure, business priorities and strategies changed from year to year, but the feeling of thriving, or truly moving toward purpose was non existent for far too many.

It had me thinking. Is it a choice? Do they even know what it feels like to have someone that is an advocate? Someone that is going to bat for you and helping advance your cause and work? What if you want someone to “champion” you but you don’t know how to ask or where to start? Is that your responsibility, or your employer’s?

So many questions. An issue I never realized was so complicated. I have always been part of a culture that ensured people were supporting/championed. I try to do that at home too. After all, it starts there, right? We all need someone that leads our fan club.

My hope with this post is if you aren’t being championed, you develop a plan to change that. Heck, I’d be glad to help! If you aren’t championing someone outside of your home, I think finding someone that could use your support would be a really great thing to do. Again, it doesn’t matter your age nor situation… giving someone a hand up ends up making more of a difference to you personally.

Finally, if you do happen to be in the work place, please make sure that everyone in your circle has a champion. The culture will be better for it, and that could be a game changer for 2020. I’m all about game changers. Go be a champion!

Top reads for 2019

This is such a tough post for me, because I truly love all books – and for totally different reasons. I think that’s likely true for all of us, that we gravitate toward what we individually need to hear at that particular time in this season of life.

All of that to say, I am going to attempt this anyway. After all, I hear from some of you that you’d love to see another post on top books – and I aim to serve! This one is long overdue, since my last book post was in… April. Oops! You can find other posts related to books I love in the archives under “book reviews.”

Here are my top 10 for the year, each with some excerpts that highlight why they made the list (The first three from my April post):

Notorious RBG, by Irin Carmon and Shana Knizhnik – No matter your political interests, this is such a good read. This absolutely fun read about the life of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is terrific in 100 different ways. I love all of it, but this quote in the beginning in particular: While reading her dissent in a voting rights case, she quotes Martin Luther King directly, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice,” she said, but then she added her own words: “If there is a steadfast commitment to see the task through to completion.” Now that is true and powerful.

The Art of Gathering, by Priya Parker – So much amazing work in this book. I’d grab this one for sure if you like to read topics that appeal in multiple areas of your life. One simple idea here: “If you want a lively but inclusive conversation as a core part of your gathering, eight to twelve people is the number you should consider. Smaller than eight, the group can lack diversity in perspective; larger than twelve, it begins to be difficult to give everyone a chance to speak.”

Joyful, by Ingrid Fetell Lee – A really interesting and fun read that covers the full gamut of joy. One idea I appreciated: “I began to notice that while the topic of work-life balance comes up frequently in media, play is largely absent from the conversation… The most joyful people I know manage to hold space for play in their adult lives (think playing a sport, family game night, etc.).”

Shoe Dog, by Phil Knight – This was on everyone’s top list in 2016-17, but it took me a while to dive in. It did not disappoint, and could arguably be my number one book. It’s a classic tale of starting from the beginning, finding your path, and what is required (absolute commitment, focus and imagination) for top-level individuals and companies to achieve success. Phil is the founder of Nike and you can imagine the power of the story. The power of any great story is found when purpose is exposed. This line captures it well, “I walked out of the room, I thought of that phrase, ‘It’s just business,’, It’s never just business. It never will be. If it ever does become just business, that will mean that business is very bad.” Profound truth.

Women Rowing North, by Mary Pipher – The inside cover reads, “A guide to wisdom, authenticity, and bliss for women as they age…a timely examination of the cultural and developmental issues women face ...” There are so many valuable nuggets in here, but I highlighted this one: “One day I told her that I greatly admired how she handled her difficult situation with such good cheer. She looked at me and said, ‘Mary, I have no choice about the leukemia, but I can control how I deal with it. I might as well act right and have something to feel good about.'” That’s so true about almost everything in life. We get to decide. Another that spoke to me: “On further reflection, I realized that I often become my own worst enemy, constantly signing myself up for combat duty when I really want to stay home, pet my cat and read a book.” (Okay, not the cat part, but Jennie and Gretchen, that’s for you!)

Range, by David Epstein – This read takes on the idea of whether it is best to “specialize” in a field/hobby/etc., or if it’s better to have a “range” of interests/focuses/preparations. Notable authors such as Malcolm Gladwell and Daniel Pink praise Epstein’s work, and this is indeed a solid read on the topic our path to excellence in life. I loved this: “Instead, she told me, in a clever inversion of a hallowed axiom, ‘First act, then think,’ Ibarra marshaled social psychology to argue persuasively that we are each made up of numerous possibilities. As you put it, ‘We discover the possibilities by doing, by trying new activities, building new networks, finding new role models.’ We learn who we are in practice, not in theory.” So good. As we go into 2020 and a new decade, where do we need to develop new possibilities?

The Moment of Lift, by Melinda Gates – From the inside cover: “How can we summon a moment of lift for human beings?” And also: “I had to write this book- to share the stories of people who have given focus and urgency to my life.” Those “people,” those “stories,” are from countries and cultures across the world, whom we have the power to help “lift,” thereby using the gifts God has given us to help all of humanity. It is about helping others use their voice, and build lives and generations by challenging the status quo. Who is giving urgency to my/your life right now? Where and who do we need to pursue to ensure we use your gifts and achieve our purpose? Those questions are true for every single age. It’s a useful question for launching into the new decade.

The Innovator’s DNA, by Jeff Dyer, Hal Gregersen, and Clayton M. Christensen – This book hones in on 5 skills for innovators using stories from the great innovator’s of our time, Apple, Google, etc. It’s a true business read, chalked full of quality content, research and stories we can use. One such example, “Google holds an ‘Innovator’s Challenge’, four times each year. In this competition, employees submit ideas for management review. Winning ideas receive the resources necessary to maintain momentum. Innovation at Google is very democratic; it lets market forces determine which ideas move forward.” I am always challenged by these types of reads and look forward to any ideas I can grab and use. Perhaps you are as well.

Rhythms of Renewal, by Rebekah Lyons – One of my favorites, and the topic of a blog post from October. Why do I love it? I love the topic itself, I love the simplicity of every single chapter and I feel like this book alone makes me better. That is saying a lot. One thought that is powerful as you go into the new year: “When we rest long enough to take inventory, when we ask God to cultivate our hearts, talents and passions according to the purpose he planned before our days began, we’ll find new horizons opening up, horizons beyond all we could ask or imagine. It’s never too late to re-establish what you want your life to be about.” So good.

Stillness is the Key, by Ryan Holiday – This one ties with No. 9 above on the absolute best for me for 2019. I wrote about it twice this year (Oct. 22 & Oct. 28) and one thought I loved: “The answer is that while we may naturally possess stillness, accessing it is not easy. One must really listen to hear it speaking to us. And answering the call requires stamina and mastery.” To me, all of this is most worthy of my attention and incredibly critical at this point in our world. We need to be still and we need to think and listen well in order to serve well… be it at home, the workplace, the community, and yes, making key decisions in 2020 as it comes to new leadership for our country – and beyond. We need to urgently focus on removing distractions.

Praying for each of you to have an incredible finale to the decade and to have the focus to start strong on a new year this week ahead!

The small moments become the big memories

Cheering on a baby walking for the first time…

Encouraging the completion of a sentence in “Goodnight Moon.”

Celebrating family birthdays every year.

Raising a glass in honor of your friends.

Snapping a photo of the season’s first snow fall.

This is the last of this brief series on the importance of celebrations. It seemed appropriate to point out that celebrating and honoring others should be a consistent effort for each of us. I feel that it’s in the small moments we capture the essence of life, and that is where we ultimately feel the abundance it has to offer.

This week, I hope you will:

  • Jump on the bed…
  • Make time for a good ol’ fashioned pillow fight…
  • Go get cupcakes or ice cream, just for the fun of it…
  • Honor a teacher or coach with a meaningful message or small gift…
  • Thank the barista at your local coffee shop for waking early every day…
  • Throw a spontaneous dance party to the unexpected audience (even if it’s just your pets)…
  • Celebrate yourself for being the intentional badass that you are, slaying your goals every day….

What ways could you bring the celebration of small moments to your life?

Today, I celebrate each of you!

Be a force for love

I’m attending a leadership “edge” program this week so I’m going to keep this super short. The whole week is focused on wellness. The idea is that by focusing on wellness, we might find our own “edge” in being the best in this life. I’m pretty stoked about that idea. 

Being a force for love requires energy. I love this photo because it conjures up thoughts of a team working together – in unity – building optimal energy for their sport.

The sport of life is no different. Getting ourselves to a strong base level, and then locking arms with a team or community to unify around a goal, is perhaps the most profound work we can do as human beings.

The goal may be…

  • Raising up the next generation;
  • Teaching, coaching, advising;
  • Sharing our story with the hope of being in service to others; and
  • Creating innovations that help our communities thrive (including infrastructure needs and aging, providing healthy transitions from one season to the next).

So many opportunities to be a force of love. But first, optimizing our own health and wellness. We must start with finding our core strength: mind, body and spirit, and build from there. 

Have such an amazing week.

The happiness blog

What a wonderful question! So… what do you think? Who are you with when you are the happiest? 

Do you feel warm and settled in with family? Game night? Holidays? A simple stroll through the neighborhood, sharing about your day? 

Perhaps you’re happiest when grabbing a cup of coffee with a trusted confidant?

Or maybe it’s adventuring the world with your best friend? 

Better yet – riding down a country road with a great playlist while your dog enjoys the breeze out the back window?

Happy? What does it even mean, and does it really matter? To me it is feeling free to be fully myself; to have someone share the full experience of life… bringing the fun and adventurous in one moment, and diving into a deep conversation in the next. (For the record, Merriam-Webster showcases happy as contentment, well-being, glad, pleased, atmosphere of fellowship.)  All of that sounds okay but for me not enough... happy should be pure and bold joy!

And regarding the whole “does it matter” part: of course it does! I hope your heart would give a resounding YES to that question, but in case you didn’t know, the topic is backed by science. A 2005 paper found that happiness predicts lower heart rates and blood pressure. In the study, participants rated their happiness over 30 times in one day, and then again three years later – a significant study. Your happiness level also impacts productivity. Researchers find that there is a 12 percent increase in productivity when people are happy and a 10 percent decrease when unhappy. I don’t know about you but I can’t afford to lose 10 percent of my days. (These are only a couple of studies… if you need more reason I’d be happy to fill up your inbox… think lowering stress, improving immunity, etc.).

All of that information was not surprising to me at all, but nevertheless, powerful if you take it in fully. I hope that in some way, bringing this to your attention prompts you to shift your focus on understanding what and who makes you the happiest. For me, it is worth my time and energy because life is fleeting, as we were all reminded this week with the tragedies happening across our nation and even locally. I want to spend every minute I can with those that help me thrive and grow! 

So… it seems like a really good time to consider stirring up some happiness! How about calling that amazing friend and scheduling a summer sunset experience or perhaps a long chat on one of the many great patios around town. The options are endless.

Have an incredible week!