To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Serve Well

Let’s not be bystanders. Standing up is required for all of us.

Glennon Doyle continues…

“Now is the time to do what we tell our kids to do. Do not be a bystander – not in this moment in which the very humanity of our country is crumbling. Do not  be a bystander- not while bullies take crying babies from their terrified mother’s arms. It’s the bystanders that allow the bullies to rule.  If we don’t speak up and stand up for these children- it’s time to stop pretending we ever will.” (Via Glennon Doyle’s  Instagram campaign early last week. Her organization @together.rising, has raised over $3 million while generating public awareness to challenge our government to do the right thing.)

I generally do not shine a light on my thoughts about many of our worldly challenges in this blog. It gets too messy and you can’t possibly provide adequate context in a short blog. I stood by recently, watching this crisis unfold, and today took time to catch up on the latest developments.

The issue in summary – if you are like many who don’t stay tuned in to the daily barrage of news media – is that under this administration’s “zero tolerance” policy, the U.S. will give preference to immigrants who have waited their turn. This means that those undocumented adult immigrants who did not come through a legal entry point, have been arrested and separated from their children. While there’s some ambiguity, federal officials shared intentions over the weekend to reunite over 2,000 children with their parents – after a literal outcry from Americans. This, only to happen after their parents have completed their court proceedings. Further family separations have stopped… thanks to a refusal of the masses to not allow the “bullies” to win.

This is not what our country is about. Our country was built on the backs of immigrants, many of us claiming that bloodline. I hope that you will stay connected to this issue and others like it. We really cannot just say, “I don’t watch the news, it’s too negative.” We have to find some avenue to be AWARE, to ENGAGE when needed and to ensure AMERICA remains a country that rises above in integrity, love and honor for all.  It is all of our responsibility.

Here is a short list of organizations you might want to explore (in addition to contacting your elected officials this is always the first line of defense):

  • ACLU: The American Civil Liberties Union
  • RAICES: The Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services
  • @together.rising, as mentioned above

Where do I have an opportunity to be a blessing today?

Where is that opportunity? Is it at work? Where I live? In the community? Is it in my own home? Is it myself? (We are often too hard on ourselves. Sometimes self-preservation, as I like to call it, is the “best yes.”)

I’ve shared before that I had a fabulous guy that drove me to the airport for awhile and he told me he prayed every morning that God would point out someone who needed a blessing. He told me how amazed he was that when he started that habit that his eyes were opened to the person needing a ride, some extra change, or whatever it might be.

As you close out the week, finishing strong, it would be great if we all stopped and looked for an opportunity to be a blessing. It’s often pretty simple. Sometimes a compliment, or opening a door is the biggest blessing. When I have been tired and sad, leaving a hospital or loved one, that one person’s cheery “goodnight, get some res!” was just what I needed.

I remember a young girl at summer camp several years ago, likely not even 20 years old, passed me on the bridge by the lake and said, “you are doing a great job (as a mom)…” That has never left me. As a newly-single mom, she stepped in as an angel in that moment.

Where can you best be a blessing?

Daily rituals of excellence

It is no doubt that if you want to lead an “epic” life – a life of purpose – that you incorporate some steadfast daily rituals that help you achieve your best self.

I am a sucker for any book, article, speaker who offers me ideas of what may be worth adding into my routine. I loved this picture for two reasons: it is a beautiful work of architecture and, the people in the background look like they are soaking up the beauty around them instead of hurrying past the moment. That’s a great ritual.

So today I am sharing 13 of my daily rituals. That’s my lucky number so it had to be 13. Hopefully at least one will strike a chord for you. They ebb and flow a bit with the season, so the start of summer may be a great time to change it up a bit. I’d love to hear some of yours, so please take time to note one or more in the comments!

  1. Get moving. My grandmother, who just passed a few months ago at 96, used to always say “You have to get up, even if you don’t feel like it.” So get to moving!
  2. Incorporate greens into every meal if possible. Yep, I am even throwing a few with some lemon vinaigrette next to my morning meal.
  3. Drink lots of water! I carry my water bottle everywhere!
  4. Use dishes you love. I had a local potter, (Erica Iman of Urban Potters) make my plates, bowls and mugs for the house. I got the idea from a hotel I was visiting for business. They served up a simple dish in a super cool bowl and I loved it. I realized that something as boring a salad or bowl of soup can be special if you know it was made by hand by someone who loves their craft. That is a gift to me.
  5. Spend time in nature. A walk with my dogs is my personal favorite, but any time outdoors is the goal. Some days it may even just be rolling the windows down in the car and enjoying the breeze.
  6. Start the day by reading from the Bible. I have done this 7 years in a row now. This year, I am following a chronological version plan via the YouVersion Bible app. I journal one thing that stood out to me and pray that I might learn, grow and engage with it if applicable.
  7. LEARN. I incorporate learning into my life anytime I can. Solo time in the car, walking on the treadmill, etc. I have a host of speakers I listen to as well as podcasts as of late.
  8. Send an encouraging message to a friend or colleague.
  9. Try to catch the sunset and snap a picture if possible. I just added this one over the past year and I love it.
  10. Read and relax. I almost always end my day with a bath and take time to read for at least an hour, and often a lot more. This time to unwind and get out of my head is just what the doctor ordered to sleep well! (I read non fiction, and generally business books, or some sort of self improvement, spiritual or otherwise similar in messaging.)
  11. Music… I need to learn to listen to it more, because I love it. I’ve tried to be mindful of this lately because there is nothing like throwing on some Kenny Chesney, Fleetwood Mac, Boston, Hillsong, Elevation Music, Lionel Richie, Alicia Keys, John Mayer, etc. It can shift your energy on the spot.
  12. Positive social media talk! I am very intentional about keeping my social media feeds positive. For example, I use Twitter primarily for business or inspiration, but I craft who I follow with a goal in mind. I unfollow those who aren’t consistently positive and thoughtful. (Overuse of social media could be on my “things I need to take out of my daily life.” I’ll save that for another blog…)
  13. Pray. My goal this year is to be a better “prayer” person. I’m good at the brief, “popcorn” prayers and I believe all prayer forms are great, but I want to go deeper and truly connect through prayer.

Your turn!

The Power of Story

I have always been fascinated by that one tree in the middle of a field on a road trip. Somehow it has a story to tell, or so it seems. How did it arrive here? How has it endured the many seasons and harsh conditions? Is it lonely? Is it super confident because “damn, I survived?”

Clearly trees don’t think like us humans, but if they could talk, they’d have some powerful stories to tell. We all have stories, and we need to know and understand them, celebrating their lessons and impact on our lives.

A part of my mom’s recovery process has been a stint at a psychiatric hospital, where the goal was to modify her medications against the new anti-seizures meds to try to get her out of what seemed like a modified coma (or at least a state of not having her mind or many physical functions). I have to tell you, that at first it was beyond scary to be there. People walking, others laying or sitting in beds and chairs, yelling and babbling incoherently.

It’s tough on everyone involved and God bless the care team. My mom leaves there today to start rehabilitating her body. I have to tell you, that I’ve come to love these people who have taken care of her. Yesterday, Maria told me about her 46-year-old marriage and pieced together a story for me about how she is a working woman, a proud mom and how she’s scared. She, like so many, likely has dementia – or a version of Alzheimer’s. She has a story.

Many of these people didn’t seem to have family or friends ever come to visit… no one to hear their story. Even those who do, I wonder if we take the time to understand and listen to the stories.

I’m mindful as a health care leader in the senior space about how we are doing in creating pathways to ensure the dignity of our seniors and to hear their stories. As a now 50-year old, I know I haven’t listened well to the stories of the older generations. We need a culture shift in America to focus on the importance of this. Other countries do this really well, if we can stop and learn from them.

Stories are powerful.

Raise your hand!

Today is the day to look around and assess those who surround us. Both at work, home and in our circle of friends and neighbors.

Name and claim those who inspire you to be better… those who give you strength and inspire your happiness. (Note: This does not mean they are perfect every day, but that they overall add richness to your world.) 

Now, identify those that don’t even come close. These may be those that never say “good morning” or who  engage in life from the perspective that the world circulates around them.

Now, after you have both lists, there are decisions to make. If you find yourself in a position where you simply can’t dodge the situation, the great news is that you can set the tone for how you personally are going to engage. Even the crankiest of people find themselves in a bit better mood when they are surrounded by positive energy and people who care. (They may seem annoyed, but inside, we all need this…) If they are someone that you find yourself spending time with by choice, than by all means it’s time to put a stake in the ground and realize that you truly don’t HAVE to spend your precious time in this way. (Remembering that life is indeed short and it is ours to decide how to best live our days.) 

The point of today’s thought is that we need to live inspired. We have a decision on how we show up and who we allow to impact us. Don’t settle and soak of those strength givers.

Redemption: The conversation is getting personal

My mom is in the hospital, suffering from multiple seizures. As of now, we have no idea why, but know her brain is somehow off track. It’s ugly.

When she comes out she is either elated and child-like, or unfortunately agitated and angry. In the moments we’ve had, she’s gone back to draw up childhood experiences I didn’t even know happened, and also told us how deeply she loved us. The love part may seem normal to some, but for us, not so much.

Without going into too much detail, my mom has suffered from mental illness for her entire adult life that my sister, brother and I have been around to witness. That is up until the last 4 years.

I remember my sister saying that “we finally have a mom,” a mere 4 years ago when I was 46. It is a story of healing and redemption. I love movies, especially the redemption-based love stories where love heals and the heart settles into deep joy. We all have our own movie reel going: the story of our lives. We all experience at some point a range of emotions and of course strive for love and peace.

If you are questioning whether you will ever get to the point of redemption in a relationship with someone you care deeply about, please believe that there is hope. Just 5 years ago, I never thought this was possible and wished someone had shared their story of hope with me. You know that saying, “God is good all of the time, and all of the time God is good.” I believe He is good all of the time and sometimes we need help seeing the forest through the trees, so to speak.

Thank you for allowing me to share my story of redemption. I pray it is healing. If you happen to be a praying person, we’d covet your prayers for God’s will for our mom. She truly is a wonderfully dear person, who didn’t deserve to suffer with mental illness and didn’t choose that. I know that now.

(If for some reason any of you would want to know more about this in hopes that it would help, please reach out. I’d be more than happy to share the details.)

What is the ‘on ramp’ to that conversation you need to have?

Challenging conversations are a big part of life, and are they usually aren’t particularly easy to navigate. The streams of thoughts in our heads may include:

What if they don’t understand?

What if they think I’m totally off the mark and am creating drama?

What if I upset them? 

What if they never talk to me again? Storm out? Quit?  

What if, worse yet, they tell others and my reputation is damaged? Or, if it’s a family member, what if the family “peace” is upended and our family gatherings are never the same again…?

Honestly, these are more tame than some of the scenarios I’ve been able to drum up that get far outside of these fairly normal “what ifs.” It’s challenging to approach a difficult subject with someone we care about. I have found this equally difficult in the work place, and at home. The good news is as I’ve gained experience and age, it is frankly much easier. Here are some thoughts on the matter:

  1. You need a strategy. The best conversations are those that you have really given some thought to. The kind of thought where you take notes of the key points you need to address and actually role play them in your head with actual examples so that you can be fair and clear. Plan…. Bottom line is you need to plan!
  2. You need to listen. I just read that the average physician listens for 18 seconds before interrupting the patient with their plan and two cents on their “illness” they came in for. The thinking is that we are all pretty much in the “18 second” category  in terms of our ability to truly listen. We need to go into the conversation with the intent to listen and then DO IT. I am not so good at this… It’s a work in progress, but it is valid and it shows respect and wisdom.
  3. Always be kind. It is never necessary to be rude, cynical or even a hint dismissive in any conversation. It always serves us and others best if we go in with a heart of kindness. If you can’t do that, you should probably wait to have the conversation.

So, what are your “on ramps” to a challenging conversation? I can think of a few more, but these are a good place to get the conversation rolling. We’d all love to hear from you…

A conversation that matters

Tuesday was the kick-off to the annual Seven Days events in Kansas City. I attended a terrific session on Tuesday night, “A Rabbi, an Imam, and an Evangelical Minister Walk into a Bar.” It was a conversation about “being your neighbor’s keeper.” It was pure delight.

It reminded me that I needed to make this the point of today’s blog. I have posted previously about these events, and as Seven Days is in their 4th year, I think it is important to share their story and encourage you to join in for some of the events and for sure the conversation.

The rest of the blog is primarily a rewind of the post from 2016. The information is as true today as ever, as we strive for progress at a higher pace. Please take some time to follow this important conversation. You will be better for it!

Rewind from 2016:

I asked one of my boys to attend the session Tuesday night explaining why this idea of Interfaith is important. He was confused because in his mind he is certainly open to all races and religions and as far as he was concerned there was not a good reason to learn more about the topic. I loved that, because I think it explains how many feel. Not long ago most of our country could say that they embraced all others. As generations have become educated and society progresses we have indeed made great strides forward.

I have to admit that I also didn’t like this response at all, because I personally know that there is so much more. It wasn’t until just a few years ago (well into my 40s- Yikes, now 50) that I attended a friend’s Passover Seder, which was an important step in understanding her faith. I still haven’t made the steps necessary to learn about my Muslim neighbors, and the list goes on. So, yes, we have made progress, but we have to do more to make the impact that is possible and necessary.

This summary below is just that, a high level overview… I’d love to hear your thoughts and also if you have questions, I’d be happy to moderate getting those to the Rabbi.

Why Interfaith? A lot of reasons, but in our current environment, understanding is the imperative to solving global issues that didn’t really exist prior to the current fast-paced communication and social media opportunities that ensure we have at our ready world-wide news and can react and respond right away. (One note: In last night’s session (2018), the panel talked about the change from the term interfaith to multi-faith, noting that we should not have to give up our individual beliefs, but be in friendship and hold respect for one another(s)…I like that A LOT.)

A great example he gave: In our country we enjoy freedom of religion, which is why my son answered as he did – makes sense. Unfortunately other countries do not enjoy freedom of religion. It is important for us all to understand the implications of this on world peace.

4 keys ways we can inspire each other in interfaith (multifaith):

  1. ENCOUNTER one another – Yep, invite your Muslim neighbor over, or if you are Muslim, invite your Christian neighbor over to begin a conversation of understanding.
  2. STUDY other countries, religions, beliefs – We must challenge ourselves to understand fully the traditions of others to truly understand them.
  3. PRAYER – The Rabbi included this and I thought it was great. This may seem like an easy list, but it isn’t. Even taking the first step seems some how beyond our ability to just jump out and make it a priority. We need to pray that God would give us a passion for understanding.
  4. SERVICE – Perfect that he ended with this. The idea being that once we come together we can translate that into ACTION that makes our communities and countries stronger.   Let’s contemplate that today!

There are some great activities/events happening in KC this week as a part of SevenDays. Check out the website for the full details.

Have a strong wrap to your week!

Serving well in the workplace

It’s Maundy Thursday today (also known as Holy Thursday or Covenant Thursday). I don’t really celebrate, so to speak,  but always have in the back of my mind that I needed to “go deeper” in my thinking. The significance is that it commemorates the Last Supper of Jesus Christ with the apostles. In other words, those people that became like family in the process.

That day, we also hear the incredible part of the story of Jesus kneeling to wash the feet of his disciples, and while doing so lets them know what is about to happen, giving them the following beautiful instruction:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”

I love that Jesus modeled how to serve well in the workplace so to speak. Without deep reflection, these are the easy lessons I pull from the Maundy Thursday celebration:

  1. Those that work alongside us should become like a second family to us. Caring for them in the workplace and having a great awareness and caring of their personal lives is important for a thriving team. The bottom line is we are to love, and to me that means showing our genuine concern for their lives. (Please know that just like we sometimes have, Jesus faced opposition even within his own team of disciples… He loved them anyway.)
  2. Leaders with humility are rare and important. We should all strive, whether we are leading great numbers or leading ourselves to be humble and honor others when we can. (Side note: There is always an opportunity to give honor.)
  3. Finally, communication is central to any healthy workplace. Jesus was sharing a tough message, but he took the time to gather his team, to celebrate their accomplishments and to share what the near future looked like, equipping them with encouragement and direction. There is a lot to be learned here for all of us.

Have a simply wonderful weekend everyone! Oh, and GO ROYALS! (It’s finally baseball season again!)

In a world of conflicting opinions, we must get to a place of respect

Our nation was in full ACCELERATE mode this weekend with  “March Madness” games, the youth-led walks across the nation to raise awareness of the desire of “the people” to achieve greater gun control laws, and the celebration of Palm Sunday.

All areas of which there are opposing views. It’s no surprise when I asked one of my dear friends if they had any blog ideas for me, that the immediate response was on how we can best respect differing opinions.

I’m not sure I have any profound thoughts, but my hope would be to get to a better conversation. To truly think through how we honor one another best without allowing our personal opinions to be in overdrive, which often results in the opposite.

Here are my initial thoughts…

  • We must “get to” a point of listening with the intent to understand. This is a call to not listen or simply “hear” with the intent to respond.
  • We must honor where others come from, remembering that just like us, their opinion didn’t come about overnight. They too have come to the conversation with history and perspective that is true to them.
  • We must also be true to our own perspective, and share it when it matters and not be silent. We must share with grace, with subtle power and with love.

There is so much to talk about with this topic, but I believe that if we keep honor in mind first, we can have opposing opinions and continue to push through to a better world for the future generations.