To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Powerful

What do you need today?

So, what do you need today?

What would absolutely brighten your day? Fill your soul? Lighten your load? Spark a fire? Ignite your creativity?

Now, what would it take to go make it happen?

Spring is all about fresh life, hope and joy. Our life is ours to create, to curate, and to actually live – abundantly!

Sounds easy, right? Maybe for some. But in case you are like me and struggle with this at first, I want to share a mind-mapping exercise I use to make this happen each year.

I start by putting each of my life’s main categories (finance, career, family, spiritual etc.) on paper. Then, I develop 2-3 key action items for each one of them to ensure I achieve my personal goals or dreams.

My new addition to this exercise is asking: Where can I add joy – or, what would brighten my days – in each area? For example, instead of “spend more time with my family,” perhaps I could expand that to “embark on a Saturday road trip with my sister by the end of May.” (Assuming it’s safe!)

I’d love to hear your ideas!

Here’s to a great week and the best spring ever – let’s make it so!

Revel in it all!

I so love this idea: REVEL IN IT. Although “revel” in itself means to celebrate in a “lively” way, to me it doesn’t necessarily have to be about being lively, but rather in living out the full expression of joy or pleasure in something.

Think about that for a minute. What does it look like to find true pleasure in life? With all of it’s twists and turns, like a roller coaster… at times exhilarating – think celebrating big moments, new babies, new jobs, new homes, a big win at work, a friend that made your day with an act of kindness, a gift of a genuine compliment – and at times a stomach-churning dip – think of all that yucky stuff that can disarm you, like a virus sticking around too long, heartbreak, or a bad decision. Generally, most get off of the ride with a big ole’ smile and a certain energy. Perhaps you’re happy you endured and didn’t puke (sorry, but let’s be real!). Or maybe you really felt the fun and scary come together for a great experience.

I’m not sure if the roller coaster analogy works for everyone, but the key point is that life should be revered, and reveling in all it has to offer is a choice. The alternative, of course, is to be a cynic and find the opposite of pleasure – pain, anguish, suffering, torment. (Ouch!) When you lay it out like that, it seems obvious that reveling is not just important, but necessary for our mental health game, which eventually translates into our physical health.

Today, I hope you will take stock of life’s many gifts, even those that aren’t what you would have chosen. Together, they unite to create lives that are worthy and purposeful and create the fabric of JOY that makes it all beautiful.

Black History month matters: A call for us all to take action

For some reason, It seems to me that I have always had a desire to “read up”, if you will, to better understand men and women who looked differently than I do. I’d like to say it came from hours around a dinner table of parents or grandparents that stressed the importance, and even made efforts to expose me, but that wouldn’t be true. At work this week, we were referencing the classic, “What you talkin’ ’bout, Willis,” line from the 1978-1985 iconic show, “Diff’rent Strokes,” so perhaps that is the genesis.

More than likely, however, is that some brilliant teacher planted a seed early on. (And that my friends is why we should all love and pay great respect to our teachers!).

Here’s the thing: While I have always had this desire, it continually seems to hit me in the face that I still don’t know enough. My efforts are good, but not acceptable – at least to me. It shouldn’t be the case that in America today that, at age 51 (almost 52), I am learning that Rosa Parks wasn’t the first to refuse to give up her seat on a bus. There were actually several before her – such as 15-year old Claudette Colvin, who was studying the great inequality injustice at the time, and opted for a bold move to make her point. I read her story just today. By the way, she also ended up in jail.

More grave is a story I learned two years ago, when my friend and mentor Tanesha, took me to a Black History event held at the University of Missouri Kansas City campus. Shocked, lump in your throat, disturbed…. all may be a good way to describe how I felt when finding out that of the 12.5 million Africans shipped to the New World via the Translantic Slave Trade, that fewer than 388,000 arrived in the United States. (According to PBS.com.) That means that over 12 million men, women, children… loving grandparents, respected community members… all died A tragic death during the journey. To put that in perspective, 6 million Jewish people were killed by Nazi Germany by the end of World War II and the Holocaust. (According to Guardian.com). It left me unraveled.

I hope that you knew this and that you have already made strides in using your influence to help us be better. If you didn’t, I hope this helps paint the picture that we need to work toward truly understanding the human experiences of our fellow countrymen/women. Society as a whole is impacted tremendously by history in many ways – psychologically, physiologically, socially, economically, etc. By studying and building awareness, even at the most cursory levels (although we shouldn’t stop there), we are able to move toward eradicating stereotypes, and improve society as a whole.

The founder of Black History Month, Carter G Woodson, considered his role was to use “black history and culture as a weapon in the struggle for racial uplift.” (Smithsonian Institute) That is a weapon we can all get behind. By 1916, he had established the Association for the Study of Negro Life and Culture with a goal of making black history accessible to a wider audience. In February of 1926, Black History Month launched in America. We might think that in 94 years we would have made such progress that this recognition wouldn’t be needed, however, the facts demonstrate this is not the case. Us American’s are a tough group. As the Smithsonian article I am referencing noted, “The chains of slavery are gone, but we are all not free.” The author’s final note describes slavery is an African American success story “because we found ways to survive, to preserve our culture and our families.” I appreciate that optimistic viewpoint.

I hope today’s blog offers you a bit of inspiration to do some research regardless of your race or background. I can assure you that it is worthy to always better understand those that God has placed to live this life out with us side by side. We are so much better together and beyond powerful when unified.

What one word sets your soul on fire for the best year ever?

I really love this topic. My mind runs amok with the possibilities. Where in the world does God want us to go in 2020? It’s a whole new decade… the possibilities are endless! How do we best achieve our personal goals and purpose? How can we show up with excellence at home, in our neighborhood, as a friend, for our community and in our careers?

Now, of course I know “one word” doesn’t capture it all, but what would one thought be that galvanizes and energizes? Is there a specific area in your life that needs a specific focus? Do you need to for example cultivate your relationships? Do you need to have more days of connection and joy? Are you being called to adventure, travel or exploration?

So many ideas. Here are a few…

Discipline – This was my first “one word” from back in 2012, and it was the year I started working out on a regular basis and focusing on personal health. Total game changer.

Also… Elevate, trust, joy, stretch, acceptance, happiness, freedom, momentum, growth, unstoppable, shine, minimize, rebuild, peace, silence, brave, curious, perspective, thrive, aware, fresh, quiet, travel, adventure, journey, accelerate, game-changer, win, search, commit, dedicate, meaning, true, love…

If you choose to jump on this train, I highly recommend that you share your word with a few members of your tribe, write it down and put it front and center somewhere you see often. There are also other resources, including a website, which lets you join others across the world in the process.

In closing, I will share that selecting a word could be a challenge. Since I’ve done this a few years, I always want to give it some real thought and try to hear from God on what would be the most powerful word to help direct me. That said, my word for 2018 was “revival,” and I didn’t really understand it fully at the time, but felt it was clearly supposed to be my word.

Here is what I wrote in 2018 on this blog topic (referencing a message I had just heard at that time about “revival” being a “season of reintroduction”): “Revival is a time where God reintroduces himself, exposes you more to your next assignment, and gives you insights to conquer that next level.” As it turns out, it actually was a year of reintroduction, but in many ways not at all how I would have even began to predict or understand January 1. I think that is a fun part of this journey… sometimes what you think at the onset is not how it ends up.  

What we can count on is that 2020 will be an adventure! Have a terrific wrap to your week everyone!  

*adapted post from prior years.

You control the invite list: Will you invite the inner critic or the inner advocate?

If you have followed this blog for a bit, you will know that I’m a raving fan of Peloton, and specifically, the trainer Robin Arzon (@robinnyc), who is flat-out motivating and exactly what I need both on the bike and from a leader! Cardio isn’t my game normally, and I have had to learn to up the discomfort in order to get results and achieve optimal health. Robin’s commentary during any workout levels me up and offers useful thought-starters that help in so many areas. The one in the image above, was a particularly strong takeaway – as in, stop the bike and write it down… now.

I loved the focus on who we “invite to the party” in our head. “Do I invite the inner critic or the inner advocate?” I am generally strong on self motivation but honestly, with physical exercise, I am not forgiving of myself. In fact, if the script in my head was played for all to see, it may surprise those closest to me. I am not usually happy with how hard I can push, and I often am thinking while trying to “level up” that perhaps I can’t even go further…. this by the way is generally a bunch of self served BS. It even surprises me to be honest. Robin calls this out and I’m not sure (before that experience) that I could have recognized the tendency, and the potential impact on my ability to achieve what I’d like to.

I call this out for the simple reason that I do realize I am normally a more than glass-half-full person. It is important for all of us to realize that the stories we tell ourselves can either advocate for our success or can limit us greatly. This of course would fall true in other categories besides physical fitness… our diet/nutrition, ability to have strong relationships, achieve our career goals, remain strong as we age, etc.

With my “always” goal to be as brief as possible, I’ll leave you with this insight for today: You in fact control the dialogue in your mind. I feel if we would all make it a goal to really listen to what is on our mental “reel” through the day and in different situations we may just be surprised. By acknowledging it, we can reverse the trend and make a true impact for the better. What a great time of the year to plug this idea in and become stronger for the new decade ahead!

*As a side note: You also control the who and what you invite into your mind over this holiday season. Be sure to plug in the outcomes you want… whatever brings you peace, joy, faith and love seems like a great place to start.

The magic of humanity

Hey you.

Yeah, you. 

This post is about you.

As a woman of faith, one thing I know to be true is that God created us all with absolute perfection. Everyone you meet – every last one of them – was designed for a purpose, for the generation they were born into. Every person – especially the most seemingly hard to love – were once a child ready to be poured into and ready to pour out to improve our world.

It’s useful to be reminded, especially during the holiday season, that there are a lot of people who really could use this message. Our communities are filled with stories of pain, heart ache, dreams shattered, illness and love lost. The innocence of that once-happy child is only a memory now. It is up to us to recognize this reality and provide a light of hope and joy to those in our presence.

If you are reading this, I’m certain that you, like me, truly want to “serve well.” Your heart is willing and able and that is exactly what we need more of. We need to stand with an internal motivation to be on watch for those that could use some extra encouragement… to be seen, to be heard, to be loved. I feel this ability we all have is the magic of humanity. We have this great power to hold and be a lights for others, and that is where our beauty really shines.

Praying that you and your loved ones cherish the moments this week and that you are able to bring your joy to those who may be counting on you.

Rewind! This post is a throwback, but the topic is ever relevant. I hope you agree!

The original “OGs” and paying it forward. Happy birthday, boys!

Happy 23rd, boys! I guess a benefit of the blog is I have the opportunity to reflect on personal experiences from time to time. As many of you know, I was blessed with triplet boys 23 years ago. This seems like both a short time, and simultaneously an absolutely full 23 years.

I sent one of my boys a message earlier this weekend noting that it was “the big 23” – his “Lebron Birthday.” He quickly replied, “Come on Mom, it is the OG Jordan birthday year.” (LOL!) I had no idea what OG meant until I Googled it (it’s “original gangster,” if you’re lost like me).

Bottom line: This is a fun time in their lives and I am grateful for every moment. I feel like I learn so much every day, and that this season is as important as the next.

New chapters, marriage (Sam is getting married in July), stepping into new careers, etc… So many “firsts” and so much “adulting” that it seems all together more intimidating than the innocent years of stepping into middle school or the first homecoming dance.

I have been literally smitten from the day they told me I was pregnant with “twins,” and then to find that third heartbeat… completely saturated in unending love. Each of them are growing into strong men of faith, which has been my prayer over each of them every night since I can remember.

Courage, bravery, perseverance, integrity, humility, generosity, kindness… Each year, each of them displaying growth in one area and seemingly passing the baton to the other to build upon, and back around the circle for continued growth. I continue to find myself observing, admiring and standing in total awe of this transformation, and I can easily say this has been my greatest privilege and honor.

I hope today that anyone reading this will take a moment to honor those that God has blessed them with: Be it a family member, a friend, colleague neighbor, teacher, or acquaintance. I believe we have all been entrusted with a circle of people who want to take care of each other the best way we know how. What a gift that is.

My boys amazed me this week by telling me that they were trying to do what they did when they were younger, which is to give to others on their birthday. In celebration of their birthday, and for whom we love, we should all go out and pay it forward this week. Be it paying for the person behind you in a drive-thru, offering a Texas-sized hug, or some other act of kindness. Giving back is one of the best ways to serve well!

Happiest of birthdays to my young men! Your presence in this world makes everyone’s life brighter. I don’t take lightly the gift God has given me. I don’t always have the answers, and I don’t always get it right, but I will always love you deeply, respect you, and honor each of you.

High-stakes questions leverage personal growth

How do I get better? How can the team, be it my family at home, or at the office, get better?

I think about this often and have said frequently in the last decade, “cater to my success, not my ego.” (A lesson I learned from a fellow panelist that will never leave me. Note to self: Always pay attention… Everyone can teach you something.) A change up from my early career when I “needed” that validation that I was headed in the right direction. We absolutely have to ask this question and truly want honest feedback. It is my thought that moving to new levels requires a desire to get to the layers that are not always apparent blind spots, if you will.

On a podcast episode I listened to earlier this week – the Tony Robbins Podcast – there was a great discussion about high stakes and high-leverage strategies. The profound lesson here is that this is not rocket science. It’s not a 12-step process, nor something that we need extravagant degrees in order to put into play and be successful. Asking the right easy questions is the message I took away. And better yet, putting in place a cadence in your life, at work, home or wherever life finds you so that you develop “mental models” for how you are going to process life, learn and grow. When something happens, starting with this easy question, “What is one thing I would change?” can alone be powerful if we ask it consistently and build an arsenal of information that helps inform us so that we can make better decisions next time. Lean in a bit, ask “tell me more,” versus jumping in believing you are adding value when presented with a question or need for advice. Holding on long enough to get to deeper information can help us achieve higher levels of tangible impact.

So much good information surrounds us. I love that part of society today. There are endless ways we can engage and literally no excuse at any age for slowing down our learning.

My hope is that this inspires you a bit to ask yourself, “What is one thing?” One thing to be a better leader, better parent, better friend, better daughter, son, grandchild, sister, community member, neighbor… Or on your next project – be it trying a new recipe or wrapping up a significant project at the office – asking honestly and boldly: What is that one thing that would have elevated this experience?” What if we all do this and make a collective impact? There is power in that my friends.

Getting to your BEST YES…

Ryan Holiday’s new book, ‘Stillness Is the Key,’ should jet to the top of most people’s list. I couldn’t soak it up fast enough. The first several chapters captured my attention fully. A small part of the Amazon review:

“In this book, he outlines a path for achieving this ancient, but urgently necessary way of living. Drawing on a wide range of history’s greatest thinkers, he argues that stillness is not mere inactivity, but the doorway to self mastery, discipline and focus.”

Holiday covers famous baseball players, philosophers and even Mr. Rogers as he weaves in and out of proof points that we will be far better off if we can get our minds to tune out, therefore really tuning in. It’s powerful.

The message I captured in the picture above is one of those I “dog-eared” and noted to come back to. Perhaps identifying a critical framework for getting closer to what seems to be a challenge for me personally: getting to stillness. There are so many hidden costs to more of anything. We have to ask ourselves if it really does matter to us… Do our closets or homes need more items to fill it? Do our schedules need another time blocked? We have to remember that whatever we give up is in exchange for something else (more quality time with someone or something you love perhaps?). It could be time, resources or energy you won’t ever get back.

This particular chapter closed with this, “Will I look back from the distant future and be glad I did it? If I never knew about it at all – if the request was lost in the mail, if they hadn’t been able to pin me down to ask me –would I even notice I missed out? When we know what to say no to, we can say yes to the things that matter.”

So much truth to this little book. (It is a very short read… I promise!) I’m hoping we can all grab something out of this today that is both practical, and stirs us up enough to make sure our yes is really the best one.