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Let’s not be bystanders. Standing up is required for all of us.

Glennon Doyle continues…

“Now is the time to do what we tell our kids to do. Do not be a bystander – not in this moment in which the very humanity of our country is crumbling. Do not  be a bystander- not while bullies take crying babies from their terrified mother’s arms. It’s the bystanders that allow the bullies to rule.  If we don’t speak up and stand up for these children- it’s time to stop pretending we ever will.” (Via Glennon Doyle’s  Instagram campaign early last week. Her organization @together.rising, has raised over $3 million while generating public awareness to challenge our government to do the right thing.)

I generally do not shine a light on my thoughts about many of our worldly challenges in this blog. It gets too messy and you can’t possibly provide adequate context in a short blog. I stood by recently, watching this crisis unfold, and today took time to catch up on the latest developments.

The issue in summary – if you are like many who don’t stay tuned in to the daily barrage of news media – is that under this administration’s “zero tolerance” policy, the U.S. will give preference to immigrants who have waited their turn. This means that those undocumented adult immigrants who did not come through a legal entry point, have been arrested and separated from their children. While there’s some ambiguity, federal officials shared intentions over the weekend to reunite over 2,000 children with their parents – after a literal outcry from Americans. This, only to happen after their parents have completed their court proceedings. Further family separations have stopped… thanks to a refusal of the masses to not allow the “bullies” to win.

This is not what our country is about. Our country was built on the backs of immigrants, many of us claiming that bloodline. I hope that you will stay connected to this issue and others like it. We really cannot just say, “I don’t watch the news, it’s too negative.” We have to find some avenue to be AWARE, to ENGAGE when needed and to ensure AMERICA remains a country that rises above in integrity, love and honor for all.  It is all of our responsibility.

Here is a short list of organizations you might want to explore (in addition to contacting your elected officials this is always the first line of defense):

  • ACLU: The American Civil Liberties Union
  • RAICES: The Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services
  • @together.rising, as mentioned above

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Lean into the word

First of all, isn’t this image terrific? I could sooo use this scene. What about you?

Although today we have so many options to read, listen and receive the “word,” without a lot of intention and focus, diving in and really “leaning” in isn’t that easy. It should be, but let’s be honest — it’s not. Getting away to really soak it in would be fabulous.

One year at the family camp we always went to (shout out to Pine Cove), they had remodeled the rooms, and above my bed was a scripture that essentially said, “he’s got this… you can breathe… be still.” It disarmed me. The scripture reference allowed me to reset. As I went in and out of the room that week, it spoke to me and helped me realize that I often carry around things I really don’t need to.

We all need a reset. I find myself needing them more often as I get older. It never ceases to amaze me that the ancient texts of the Bible can magically point us into the direction we apparently needed to be pointed, and perhaps didn’t even realize.

I am going to do my best to “lean in” this week. If you are able to, let us all know if something stood out to you in the process. I think it just might be powerful.

Here are a few that I kind of love thinking about in the context of resetting.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.”
— Exodus 14:14

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds.” — Philippians 4:7

“This hope we have is an anchor of the soul. A hope both sure and steadfast.” — Hebrews 6:19

The Power of Story

I have always been fascinated by that one tree in the middle of a field on a road trip. Somehow it has a story to tell, or so it seems. How did it arrive here? How has it endured the many seasons and harsh conditions? Is it lonely? Is it super confident because “damn, I survived?”

Clearly trees don’t think like us humans, but if they could talk, they’d have some powerful stories to tell. We all have stories, and we need to know and understand them, celebrating their lessons and impact on our lives.

A part of my mom’s recovery process has been a stint at a psychiatric hospital, where the goal was to modify her medications against the new anti-seizures meds to try to get her out of what seemed like a modified coma (or at least a state of not having her mind or many physical functions). I have to tell you, that at first it was beyond scary to be there. People walking, others laying or sitting in beds and chairs, yelling and babbling incoherently.

It’s tough on everyone involved and God bless the care team. My mom leaves there today to start rehabilitating her body. I have to tell you, that I’ve come to love these people who have taken care of her. Yesterday, Maria told me about her 46-year-old marriage and pieced together a story for me about how she is a working woman, a proud mom and how she’s scared. She, like so many, likely has dementia – or a version of Alzheimer’s. She has a story.

Many of these people didn’t seem to have family or friends ever come to visit… no one to hear their story. Even those who do, I wonder if we take the time to understand and listen to the stories.

I’m mindful as a health care leader in the senior space about how we are doing in creating pathways to ensure the dignity of our seniors and to hear their stories. As a now 50-year old, I know I haven’t listened well to the stories of the older generations. We need a culture shift in America to focus on the importance of this. Other countries do this really well, if we can stop and learn from them.

Stories are powerful.

Simple thoughts Sunday: Honoring moms of all types…

  1. Happy Mother’s Day to all of you who are a biological mom, play the role as needed, stepped into the magic of it all unexpectedly, or otherwise have helped raise up this generation of our children.

For many generations and in all cultures, it has been true that it “takes a village” to raise a healthy community. I absolutely cherish that thought, because I immediately think of the people that have played a role in my life knowingly, or not; and also, those who have in the lives of my children.

Today, as you celebrate your own mother — if you are lucky enough to still have one — my prayer is that you will reach out to those that may have given you or your kids a boost when you or they needed it. There is so much power in community and so much love that is needed to wrap up each other so that we can all be who God intended. If you have lost your mother, my prayer is that you will find great joy today in knowing how thrilled she was to raise you and I believe looks down and even protects you today with her undying love.

(Update on our mom: She is still healing and we are hoping to get “her” back. Today, we celebrate the many caregivers who have helped in this process and continue to shower her with love and prayers.) 

Honoring your children well!

I stand in amazement at how others honor their children so well. Let me first say that honoring can be done in so many ways, and I believe they are all good and necessary. The point today is to lead you all to some folks that do this in ways that astound me, and will spur you onward. I personally love to to learn from others, and these ladies have pushed me along while not knowing it.

Check out these gals if you can; and if not, I have put in a few excerpts below that they recently posted that will offer a flavor of what I believe is pure awesome.

Kira Atkinson-Montuori – Kira always speaks out not only the virtue she sees, but also how her children do this for others. I honestly think without knowing it, she does this instinctively to reward them for being there for others. I love that. What do you want to see more of in your children? Here’s an excerpt from Kira’s Facebook post after her daughter ran the Girls on the Run 5K this weekend:

“She is everything I want to be.

She is determined. She is strong. She believes in herself. She is a goal setter and a goal go getter. And she is kind.

Every picture tells a story. A story about a girl who was excited. nervous. committed to what she wanted. And a girl whose main focus after crossing the line was to go back and congratulate her friends.”

Steph Guerin – This comes from a Facebook post for her son’s birthday (note, it doesn’t have to be her child’s birthday… she does this almost weekly). It’s incredible. Also, please note this is part of a multi-point message, so she really takes the time to honor well. I think that is a key we all need to remember:

“10) You. You, my son are a gift in and of yourself. I love your mind. I love your heart. I love your enthusiasm. I love your determination. I love your desire to win. I love that you would give any friend of yours anything that they wanted. I love your loyalty. I love your secrets. I love your chatter. I love your sense of humor. I love your memory. I love the way you connect things that other people can’t. I love that you get bored with stuff that doesn’t matter- it sucks in 5th grade, but it will serve you well later. I love that you want more than anything to be a good husband and father and that you already have the best taste in girls. I love that you’ve had your career path lined up since you were 5- even though it has changed. I love that you are able to take all the crap the world hands you and say you got it, and now I’m proud you can say you need help. I love that you are an 11 year old boy who can express a full range of emotions. I still wish you’d give me more hugs, but I should give you more, too. We’ll work on that.”

Casi Quinn – Casi does this type of Facebook post often. As parents, expressing our raw hearts is important and yet I find myself not doing it as much as I should – rarely even. Taking the time to point out this level of detail, leaves the family with a connection on how they should live out their lives. The lesson here for me, at the minimum, is that we teach our children how to honor by how we honor:

“Tonight was prom. And as we come to a close on Colton’s Senior year, I am once again reminded that behind every great older brother (in our house) is a younger brother who is equally as great. What memories they have made! How they have cherished one another….

I have watched them build forts, igloos, homemade weapons (In case they were ever stranded out in the wilderness). They have fought together, prayed together, cried together, laughed together – grown up together.

They have been roommates. Teammates. Schoolmates. Partners in crime…they are the epitome of what brothers should be. And I am so proud. So. Dang. Proud.”

Colton Quinn you are an amazing big brother. You are Just. Who. AJ. Needed. No one could have done the job as his big brother better than you. In your outlandish way, you brought out the best of him. You showed him that it was ok to be himself. And when he felt the world was against him, you would lift him up. God knew just what He needed. And AJ Quinn, you have been a silent strength. An unwavering constant that was a safe place for Colton to grow and learn that love doesn’t care about differences. A listener. An encourager. You’ve brought him peace – and balance. What a gift you are to one another!!”

Kira, Steph and Casi: Your words and heart are a profound lesson for us all. THANK YOU!

I hope this post gave you some ideas on how to dig deeper in honoring. No matter what, I hope that all of you will take some time this week to offer up a bit of extra honor to your children, or another loved one that could benefit!

Simple Thoughts Sunday: It is truly all joy

(Is this not the greatest photo? Credits go to Ann Voskamp who is wonderful to follow, and she took it I believe from “@Bored Panda,” which I am now following, and they credit: “@howfarhome.” That’s an Instagram account focused on travel! Worth following!)

So, it is truly all joy. I know that is hard sometimes.

I never even knew about this famous verse in the Bible until about 10 years after my divorce, infertility and some other fun and not-so-fun experiences. I sure wish I would I have known about it because it would have helped shape my perspective.

It is one of those that you have to live through to “feel it… to know it’s sheer truth.” Life throws curve balls, course corrections and all sorts of hurdles that cause us deep desperation, pain, or simple tears. In the end, these are the times we clarify and cleanse our souls. We find God through this times often, and we lean into friendships and a new level of family intimacy. It’s the layer where magic unfolds.

This picture is taken in the Netherlands, which is known world-wide for their annual tulip festivals with over 15,000 types of tulips and literally fields upon fields of elegance. (This happens in April every year.) I would sure love to see this beauty with my own eyes. The notion of riding bikes through the tulips sounds like a fantasy. You see, the magic = the beauty found in the fields. The fields only arise after rain and plenty of upkeep. This, my friends, is where the beauty of our lives happens: In all kinds of seasons.

As you go into your week and month, remember no matter how bad, good, emotionally or physically you may be challenged… COUNT IT ALL JOY. It is bound to produce something beautiful.

Celebrate big this month: Congratulations, graduates!

I am a huge sucker for good commencement speeches. My sister was telling me about Will Ferrell’s graduation address to USC and, of course, that has to be an instant classic. We all need more humor and I am confident that most USC grads were beside themselves with excitement at the notion of Mr. Ferrell joining their celebration!

Although I’m sure that was terrific, I prefer the graduation speeches that are a bit more poignant. A bit more hit you right in your spirit, lump in the throat, type advice and inspiration. Something I can sink my teeth into.

I really love this quote from J.K. Rowling. It speaks to us no matter our age or degrees are – or perhaps are not. I sit firmly in the camp that we are all gifted with everything we need to CHANGE THE WORLD. IMAGINING the POWER that this idea has is something to really think about. What if God has already given me everything I need to make the impact I am supposed to make? To CREATE A LASTING LEGACY? To truly change our world for the better in my lifetime?

I hope today you will think of the POWER YOU HAVE. To join the thousands of graduates worldwide and just IMAGINE the possibilities… no matter your age. I am betting that we can add some significance to this day if we all do so.

(Most of today’s blog is a repeat from last year. It is also dedicated to my son Sam (the reason for spartan, of course), who graduates this weekend from Michigan State University. We all stand with you as you celebrate a key moment in your life. It is pure joy to be your mom. Surely, the greatest gift from God has been you and your brothers. We all love you! Celebrate and then go out and imagine, create and impact our world!)

Redemption: The conversation is getting personal

My mom is in the hospital, suffering from multiple seizures. As of now, we have no idea why, but know her brain is somehow off track. It’s ugly.

When she comes out she is either elated and child-like, or unfortunately agitated and angry. In the moments we’ve had, she’s gone back to draw up childhood experiences I didn’t even know happened, and also told us how deeply she loved us. The love part may seem normal to some, but for us, not so much.

Without going into too much detail, my mom has suffered from mental illness for her entire adult life that my sister, brother and I have been around to witness. That is up until the last 4 years.

I remember my sister saying that “we finally have a mom,” a mere 4 years ago when I was 46. It is a story of healing and redemption. I love movies, especially the redemption-based love stories where love heals and the heart settles into deep joy. We all have our own movie reel going: the story of our lives. We all experience at some point a range of emotions and of course strive for love and peace.

If you are questioning whether you will ever get to the point of redemption in a relationship with someone you care deeply about, please believe that there is hope. Just 5 years ago, I never thought this was possible and wished someone had shared their story of hope with me. You know that saying, “God is good all of the time, and all of the time God is good.” I believe He is good all of the time and sometimes we need help seeing the forest through the trees, so to speak.

Thank you for allowing me to share my story of redemption. I pray it is healing. If you happen to be a praying person, we’d covet your prayers for God’s will for our mom. She truly is a wonderfully dear person, who didn’t deserve to suffer with mental illness and didn’t choose that. I know that now.

(If for some reason any of you would want to know more about this in hopes that it would help, please reach out. I’d be more than happy to share the details.)

What is the ‘on ramp’ to that conversation you need to have?

Challenging conversations are a big part of life, and are they usually aren’t particularly easy to navigate. The streams of thoughts in our heads may include:

What if they don’t understand?

What if they think I’m totally off the mark and am creating drama?

What if I upset them? 

What if they never talk to me again? Storm out? Quit?  

What if, worse yet, they tell others and my reputation is damaged? Or, if it’s a family member, what if the family “peace” is upended and our family gatherings are never the same again…?

Honestly, these are more tame than some of the scenarios I’ve been able to drum up that get far outside of these fairly normal “what ifs.” It’s challenging to approach a difficult subject with someone we care about. I have found this equally difficult in the work place, and at home. The good news is as I’ve gained experience and age, it is frankly much easier. Here are some thoughts on the matter:

  1. You need a strategy. The best conversations are those that you have really given some thought to. The kind of thought where you take notes of the key points you need to address and actually role play them in your head with actual examples so that you can be fair and clear. Plan…. Bottom line is you need to plan!
  2. You need to listen. I just read that the average physician listens for 18 seconds before interrupting the patient with their plan and two cents on their “illness” they came in for. The thinking is that we are all pretty much in the “18 second” category  in terms of our ability to truly listen. We need to go into the conversation with the intent to listen and then DO IT. I am not so good at this… It’s a work in progress, but it is valid and it shows respect and wisdom.
  3. Always be kind. It is never necessary to be rude, cynical or even a hint dismissive in any conversation. It always serves us and others best if we go in with a heart of kindness. If you can’t do that, you should probably wait to have the conversation.

So, what are your “on ramps” to a challenging conversation? I can think of a few more, but these are a good place to get the conversation rolling. We’d all love to hear from you…

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Onward we can… onward we are better

Happy Sunday everyone! I am sure you may have seen someone close their email signature or their letters/cards with a simple, “Onward.” A statement that may reflect their faith or their hope in the future.

This past week was the annual Give Seven Days events in Kansas City as I shared in my Thursday blog. It’s a week where the community comes together to learn and unify. In its fourth year, it is gaining momentum in our community. Like others across our world, perhaps we feel the need greater than at any other time in our generation. The need, the desire… to come together and ensure we are able to live in a world of peace, a world that welcomes all, and where all receive the love and support they need to enjoy a healthy life. It has been powerful, certainly giving a strong meaning to the word ONWARD, and sparking thoughts on just how we can be a part of this positive future. Where can we step in and ensure we are educating ourselves and doing our part for our families and loved ones?

On Monday, the week will conclude with the Faith & Love Walk which will be at the National World War I Museum in Kansas City, Mo. Events start at 5:30 with the walk at 6:30. There will be food trucks as well for those who want to grab dinner with friends or family. It is a simple and short walk which has the purpose of showing our unity with one another in our community. I hope you will strongly consider bringing out your crew, or joining ours at the event.

If you aren’t able to join, I hope that you will think about how you can best help your family learn about others in our communities and how we can together create greater understanding and inspire love for all who walk our path.

My prayer is that your week will be the best this year!