To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Home

Bringing home the language of a strong manager

(Quote in part taken from a tweet from @ValaAfshar)

The original thought on this was the language of a strong manager. That’s true, I think a good leader definitely uses these simple but not always easy statements during a normal week. I have also learned over time that these are true for parents and friends and possibly others I haven’t considered yet. Let’s break it down:

  1. I am proud of you. Pretty straightforward? When is the last time you heard this from your leader? When is the last time if you are a parent you shared this with your children, toddlers to adults? (Shout out to my mom, who just told me that this week.) Lastly, a friend? “Friends are the family we choose,” right? If that’s true, then keep in mind that some friends don’t have family, and you may be the only person that can remind them how they impact you and our world.
  2. I trust our team. This is a little more complex. I do agree a “team” needs to be reminded that the core of a team is trust in one another. Trust built over time and the knowledge that we are in this together can propel teams to heights they never thought possible. I’ve seen that in action many times. This one may not hold as true for a group of friends, but it sure does for family: “I trust that we will get through this stronger, I trust that we are going to create a environment of love and respect in our home.” I don’t know about you, but I think this one needs to be played out more often.
  3. What do you think? Seems pretty obvious to me. I mean, we ask each other if others like our hair, our outfit, our project, etc. Do we think to ask our kids, mom, aunt, friend, what they think about our decisions? Do we include those that may hold us accountable? A favorite quote: “Cater to my success, not my ego,” can likely show up in this conversation. Who do we need to ask this question on something more challenging that might help us achieve the next level of success or happiness?
  4. How can I help? This one probably happens more at home and with our friends. But at work, how often we ask our co-workers how we might ease their load is something to consider.
  5. I was wrong. I am sorry. I have heard others actually say they wouldn’t apologize to their kids. They “are the parent” after all. While that might be true, I personally believe we as parents need to apologize when we show a behavior that we don’t really want our children employing in their lives. Think: raising your voice, walking away from a difficult conversation versus dealing with it directly, etc. This one is HUGE. It’s of course important in every aspect of life, but I think remembering to show our children we are human (at all ages) is important and will result in healthier conversations and families. That’s one perspective at least.

Anything missing? I’m all about getting better, one small step at a time!

Are we acting like circus elephants?

(Photo Creds: We Heart It)

I really like CUTE elephants… the childhood imagination type. The ones on the red and white striped ball at the circus, complete with an environment of cotton candy and spinners in hand.

This picture was alarming to me. I wanted it to be cute, but the topic isn’t cute.

I just wrapped up a book by JJ Virgin, ‘The Miracle Mindset.’ She’s best known for diet related books, but this one is different and shares her path with a 16 year old son who nearly died in a tragic accident. It’s a short, inspiring read that gives you another example of how humans are able to overcome in the midst of great pain and enormous hurdles.

In the book, JJ references how we often have beliefs of what we can handle and as a result our lives our limited. I think this is so true. She likened it to the circus elephant who learns while being shackled and in the end truly believe she is not able to get out, staying place by “force of habit.”

What are your limiting beliefs? Do you really think you can only be successful in the job you are in today? That you will get a certain health issue because everyone in your family has by age 60? That you are bound to a path that you aren’t thriving in?

It’s worth your attention. I’m pondering this and would love to hear your thoughts.

Grounded and grateful: 3 reasons to reconnect with friends

What fun it was to spend a day with my college sorority sisters on Saturday. I have to say, after not spending any quality time with them over the past 25+ years, our time felt like we were still 19 hanging out talking about God knows what.

Today, my hope is that you will find value in connecting with some of your friends from the past. Here are a few reasons why it’s a good idea:

  1. They GROUND YOU! Sure, we have all moved on and experienced life, but these gals know me. They know me before the career, the family, the kids, the deaths, the divorce… Yes, life may change you, but your CORE is the same, and surrounding yourself with the folks who knew you “back then” is refreshing. I’m certain that if we would have had access, we would have permed our hair, put on some thick blue eyeliner, and sported some killer 1980s outfits!
  2. They INSPIRE YOU! This one I hadn’t really thought of and it was the most surprisingly cool part of the weekend. These ladies have gone through so much and despite it all, they have persevered and came out a quarter of a century or more later better and more beautiful. I felt like I could get through anything by hearing their stories.
  3. They PROPEL YOU! I know we were friends and we probably cheered each other on during college to some degree, but let’s be honest, at that point in our life we are all trying to get through, to achieve, to aspire, to move up the ladder of life. In other words, I’m not sure we propelled each other forward on purpose. What I know now, is that the encouragement these ladies gave me over the weekend is enough to keep me pedaling and pushing ahead.

We all need to be in “community,” and connected, and although I have an absolutely wonderful group of friends and colleagues, coming back to “home base” for me was notable. My encouragement is for you to reach out, schedule some meaningful time, tell the stories that “made you” and where you’ve been, what your hopes are…

It may be some of the best time you have spent in years… It was for me!

Yes, we can develop GRIT! 4 ways to move forward!

(Photo Creds: We Heart It)

I just wrapped up reading the bestseller, “GRIT, The Power of Passion and Perseverance” by Angela Duckworth. It will definitely be on the top of my reading list for this quarter.

I got almost through it, and thankfully there was an entire section at the end devoted to “Growing grit from the outside in.” As I poured through the book, I was hoping it did not say that if you or your kids did not have this critical life skill that you were out of luck. There are plenty of character qualities that are innate, and that are hard to develop if you don’t have them. (At least that’s what they taught me in behavioral management training. Judgment by the way is one of those…)

The great news is that WE CAN DEVELOP GRIT. Whew!

“First and foremost, there’s no either/or trade-off between supportive parenting and demanding parenting. It’s a common misunderstanding to think of “tough love” as a carefully struck balance between affection and respect on the one hand, and firmly enforced expectations on the other. In actuality, there’s no reason you can’t do both,” Duckworth writes.

As a parent of 20-year-old boys, I can say that this is more than true in my experience. Having said that, I think my personality was a little too “supportive.” Of course I demanded respect, and still do, but firmly enforcing doesn’t sound much like my house, which isn’t really a good thing.

Thankfully this blog isn’t about me, but I do feel it’s important to be authentic. My boys are amazing, but perhaps I could do more to impress the critical importance of GRIT. So, what I thought was really cool in this book, was a little segment on “Doing Hard Things.” I did at one time write a blog on this, but a different focus to the concept. Here’s what I found valuable that I hope you get something out of, too:

The author’s family employed a three-part “Hard Thing Rule.”

  1. Everyone, including mom and dad, has to do a hard thing. A hard thing is defined by something that required deliberate practice. (Her example as a mom was that she studies psychological research, but also that she is trying to employ a yoga practice.)
  2. You can quit, but you CAN’T quit until the season is over. Listen up, that means high school and college kids should be “grittier” when it comes to sticking with classes. The hard classes that we all want to relieve ourselves of… YOU MUST FINISH WHAT YOU BEGIN.
  3. YOU GET to pick your hard thing. Nobody picks it for you. Mom and dad, you can’t decide your 10 year old should be a piano player. She really does a nice job of explaining that her kids cycled though dozens of interests to get to something they enjoyed.

They had a fourth added after their children got to a mature age… this was…

4. Must commit to at least one activity, either something new or something they’ve started. In other words, you cannot just decide you aren’t going to actively be practicing something. Think of the natural tendency to stop sports after graduation.

I like this “hard thing” concept and am thinking through how we might approach the idea in our family. Heck, I think all of us can do this. What I really like is that as you get older, you have to push each other to exercise, to stay strong, to sharpen your mind, etc., and that my friends is GRIT. We need to keep growing it at all ages in order to live out our lives of purpose.

If you are a reader, pick up this one. It is truly a game changer.

Simple thoughts Sunday: We can’t do it alone

(Photo Creds: We Heart It)

Many of you might know that Exodus is at the front of the Bible. I truly love the lessons I have learned by focusing on Old Testament wisdom over the last several years. It is clear that God knew right up front that we needed some solid advice on how to navigate life. This particular bit of advice is a key message that I can use over and over again. I hope you hear the message speaking directly to you, because I know for sure that many – if not most of us – don’t do this well.

I don’t know what “it” is for you, but I do know that regardless of whether it’s the simple act of getting through the day – sailing a proverbial boat – or a large project like getting out of debt or starting a new business… we are not supposed to get through it alone. We are meant to be a community, bringing others alongside us to accomplish our purpose.

I hope that this week you will put down the phone and think through what areas of your life you might need to delegate with the help of your community at school, work and home to be BETTER than you could be on your own.

Side note: As a mom, I hope all of you parents don’t hesitate to field some work to the kids… They need it… (note the “tough love” language in the verse). Tuesday we talk about developing “grit” in our homes and this is a good step.

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Black History Month – Why we must continue to educate ourselves

(Photo Creds: We Heart It)

I loved this photo because it depicts a diverse and loving community of students. Students who don’t know yet the meaning of “minorities,” nor the impact race, religion or sex have had on the lives of their families and friends.

While, I love that idea, I also acknowledge that we must continue to educate ourselves and future generations on what America’s history looks like, so that we can be sure to learn from the best stories and those that don’t reflect our most shining moments.

This Proverb spoke to the idea of seeking wisdom. I hope all of you would say that wisdom is not only worth finding, but needed now more than ever in our lifetime!

So, on this first Sunday of Black History Month 2017, I hope you prioritize becoming more educated on America’s past and how it relates to us today. Our nation would certainly not be as great as it is today without the diversity and strength of this great community. As we struggle as a country to unify around all manner of issues, let this be a month of gaining the wisdom required to help us reach the next level.

I’m all in.

Some side notes:

In preparing for this blog, I found out some cool facts about African American leaders I didn’t know yet, which reminded of how little I know…

  • Madam C.J. Walker was America’s first self-made woman to become a millionaire. She was considered an entreprenuer and a philanthropist in her time (1867-1919). Isn’t that awesome?! Her product was beauty and hair products… some things never change for us women.
  • Thurgood Marshall was the first African American man appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court in 1967. He served for 24 years and was appointed by President Lyndon B. Johnson. Please note that in 1967, our country was still divided over Civil Rights issues. Bold move by the president and AMAZING COURAGE by the Honorable Thurgood Marshall.
  • In 1992, Dr. Mae Jamison became the first African American woman to go into space aboard the space shuttle Endeavor. Not only that, but she is a professor, dancer, actress and holds nine honorary doctorates in science, engineering, letters and the humanities. Can you say POWERFUL?

(Side note: If you haven’t yet made it to see “Hidden Figures” one of the Oscar favorites, you should! The amazing, unheard story of the brilliant African American women who played a key role in NASA for many years. It is a must see for students of all ages.)

Some major, fun lessons you and your family may want to sharpen your minds around this month:

  • The Underground Railroad, a secret network of routes and safe houses used by African American slaves to escape into the free states.
  • Rosa Parks’ story, as well as the many women who lead the Civil Rights movement. Much to my surprise, there are several Rosas – she’s just the one most of us know!
  • Inoculatin (Vaccinations) were introduced to America by a slave named Onesimus.
  • The diverse history of Historically Black Colleges and Universities. Very cool story, and there are two state-funded HBCUs in Missouri! One in Jefferson City and anther in St. Louis. There used to be a private, religious HBCU in Kansas – Western University – but it stopped operating in the 1940s.
  • One in four cowboys was black… In fact it is believed that the real “Lone Ranger” was inspired by an African American man named Bass Reeves.

Have fun learning. Share your stories if you learn something interesting… I’m sure we will all love it!

Building family connections: Do what it takes

 

Photo Creds: We Heart It)

Family connections run deep. No matter what your family looks like, how functional and/or dysfunctional they may be… the fact is, family creates a bond like no other. Family sees us at our worst and our best… tears are shed of both joy and pain. It’s raw, but a good raw.

It’s the vulnerability of “knowing” that they see the real us and we see the real them (and neither might not really like what we see) that can draw us closer or away at different times in our lives. Most of the time, even if we step away or create a distance, we are drawn back… because, well…. family is family.

Like many of you, over the years I have gone to extended family reunions and as a child thought it was fun, but missed the meaning. I have watched my boys and been surprised that at a younger age they seem to realize and HONOR the depth of family and it’s importance.

That has me thinking that perhaps we all could use a reminder to really INVEST in this area… It’s easy after all to put family on the back burner unless, like children, they need us for survival. Family will be there and we know it.

For that very reason, we should make a concentrated effort to INVEST AND HONOR THEM every chance we get. Say thank you, show appreciation, lift them up… We do this in the work place, and we do it with our friends… but do we tell our favorite “uncle” that he really means a lot of us and that his service to our country brings you so much pride and gratitude? I don’t do this enough. I need to.

Let’s pay attention to making some investments in those who are our greatest cheerleaders. It’s important I think.

Game day jitters = “I can handle it”

(Photo Creds: We Heart It)

Game day jitters. We all have them, whether we are in the big game on the field, or the game of life. A test, a meeting with the boss, meeting someone new… knocking one off of the bucket list… AKA sky diving, or traveling globally for the first time. Game day jitters happen to us all. This year, one of the leaders I listen to, Steven Furtick, talks about his mantra, “I can handle this.” You can find it on his podcast via iTunes, or YouTube.

I normally don’t have Christian references in my weekly posts, but this one is really good and shouldn’t be missed. If you don’t want to use the Christian references, replace it with something you are comfortable with – I promise it’s worth your time to copy and paste this and put it front and center in your life. (It is better on video, or just to listen to it via iTunes… but the words are solid.) Here it goes:

“Today is a new day.

It will bring brand new blessings and brand new battles.

But within every uncertainty there is a hidden possibility.

So I don’t dread any challenge that lies ahead

Because I remember all the victories behind.

And my confidence is not in my circumstance.

The spirit of God is my supply.

I’m steady under pressure and I’m ready for whatever… ’cause whatever comes my way today, the outcome is “I overcome.”

Christ is in me, I am enough.

I can handle it.

I can’t afford to stay afraid or let my faith hesitate.

My purpose is at stake and he who called me is faithful.

His strength in me is greater than any pain I feel or enemy I face.

The promise of God is mine for the taking.

Every plan He has made is guaranteed to come to pass.

It will happen.

If I don’t back down, if I won’t let go, it will happen.

If I don’t stop short, if I won’t sell out, it will happen by faith.

But faith doesn’t take the fear away, it teaches me to fight it.

So bring the battle, I’m ready now.

I got something for Goliath.

I can handle it.

My power flows from presence so I won’t stay stuck in what was, or worry about what will be.

My regrets have been redeemed

And my tests have becomes my lessons

My focus is is fixed and my hear expectant

I’m set, I’m not nervous about what’s next.

‘Cause my eyes are on the throne

I trust the one who’s in complete control

The one who already knows how He’s gonna work it according to his purpose.

Even the worst situations are sure to turn in my favor, If I keep moving forward, keep moving toward Him.

God is with me in this moment, and whatever happens…

I can handle it.”

_________________________________

Isn’t that awesome? Game day jitters impact us. Make us lose sleep, lose our peace and can distract us from our best. If we maintain our focus, prepare at the highest level, realize that we have support through the fan club of our family and friends… We can achieve a great game… not just today’s game, but every game we step in to.

Thank you, Dr. King

(Photo Creds: We Heart It)

Please don’t dismiss this week’s celebration of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

If you are a news junkie, no doubt it has been front and center (along with football playoffs and ice storms) the last few days. Many people these days are not watching the news, instead gravitating toward anything “but” the often-negative stories that flood into our homes.

For this week, it is worthwhile to take in the story of his life… again.

If you’d like a simple place, use this.

Also, the “I have a dream” video is worth your 5 minutes.

My friend Gretchen who substitute teaches (lucky kids) told me that she asked her class the other day who today’s heros are. The collective group couldn’t really come up with any. Maybe some sport heros thrown in, but overall, the exercise provided pause that left everyone asking who does deserve this title today? Who is doing work that addresses the big issues?

Thankfully there are a LOT of heros in our world. Many quietly, and some more noteworthy, who are spending their days working on those big issues. On the other hand, there is always room for more… those stand-outs that can GALVANIZE our country. People like Dr. King who sacrifice their lives for the good of man and society.

The quote above is my favorite of King’s. It resonates with me and I hope it does with you. What issues have we been silent about? The definition of silence meaning that you haven’t really done anything to share your concern and take action to help improve the situation. This could be as easy as walking by litter in your own neighborhood, or as complex as taking on the hate that impacts our world.

 (A shout out to my friend Mindy Corporon and family who are working toward improvement in this area via their foundation and their annual week long event bringing awareness to these issues.) 

Whatever the issue is that you have a passion for, please don’t be silent. It’s a new year and I’m often glad Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday is celebrated this month, because this is a month to LAUNCH – to kick off or renew a commitment to what is important in our lives. (If you don’t have anything that stands out, please join Mindy and team.)

While you are at it, if you have children in your life that you can inspire, encourage them this week to identify those issues and begin to step forward as a leader to truly impact our world for the positive. I’m confident that today’s youth have what it takes to continue to make America the greatest country in the world.

#dontbesilent #thankyoudrking

Books you might want to read!

(Photo Cred: We Heart It)

If you have been reading this blog for a bit, you might know that I post a blog three times a year with my “top books.” I am an avid reader and follow the thinking that once we stop learning, we stop growing.

I actually slowed a bit during the last stretch of 2016, but still had some excellent reads worth sharing. I added my top books for 2016 below as well! Let me know if you have read any of these, or if you pick one up for later!

1. BRAVING IT, by JAMES CAMPBELL
Why I loved it: This is about a father and daughter who have an amazing journey through Alaska. It is gripping and makes you want to seek adventure. It’s a true story, but as close to fiction as I get. Those who normally read fiction will like this one!

2. HOW TO LIVE A GOOD LIFE, by JONATHAN FIELDS
Why I loved it: Jonathan is an all around inspiring guy who runs an organization called the “Good Life project.” It’s good stuff y’all! He focuses on three key areas: connection, contribution and vitality buckets. Well written and easy to read.

3. THE MAGNOLIA STORY, by CHIP & JOANNA GAINES
Why I loved it: Any other HGTV Fixer Upper fans out there? I don’t watch much TV, but I go out of my way to catch this one! Chip and Joanna and just plain fun, and they do some good work. Their book shares how they got to their recent success and lets you inside their lives just enough to make them more endearing.

4. THE BROKEN WAY, by ANN VOSKAMP
Why I loved it: Ann is another who I have heard of often, but hadn’t read any of her books. After I read this, I quickly ordered all of her books. Ann’s words are simply poetic and pack a powerful punch. This book really focuses on the “not so good in life,” and how to embrace those moments “well,” (quote:  “Feelings are meant to be fully felt and fully surrendered.”). SO GOOD.

5. THE HIDING PLACE, by CORRIE TEN BOOM
Why I loved it: THIS IS A CLASSIC in the truest sense. Something told me I surely read this before, but if I did it was with totally fresh eyes. Our modern world sometimes makes us feel like things are hard when honestly they are not. This book captures not only important history, but keeps the sacrifices that people have made for our benefit top-of-mind, and inspires us to be willing to sacrifice when called to do so – INCREDIBLE.

TOP 5 BOOKS 2016

1. ORIGINALS, by ADAM GRANT
Why I loved it: Everything! This is my favorite. It’s both a business read and one that will definitely make you a better person in every segment of your life. The insights and breaking down of myths on how we think and act are very cool.

2. IF YOU CAN KEEP IT, by ERIC METAXAS
Why I loved It: The subtitle of “The Forgotten promise of American Liberty” jumped out and it was also highly recommended. Pretty much everything this author writes has been golden. He dives deep into America as a “nation of nations” and challenges us to reconnect with the ideas of liberty and freedom for all and embrace our role in living out what our nation’s founders entrusted us with – it’s EXCELLENT.

3. CHASE THE LION, by MARK BATTERSON
Why I loved it: Batterson is my favorite Christian author. He seems to magically weave biblical truth and offer example after example of historical evidence to support his call here for us all to CHASE down our fears and go after our dreams. This is a book about “stretching.” Here’s a great quote to wet your appetite: “Napoleon Bonaparte made a distinction between two kinds of courage – regular courage and two-o’clock-in-the-morning courage, ‘The rarest attribute among Generals is two o’ clock -in-the-morning courage.”

4. PRESENT OVER PERFECT, by SHAUNA NIEQUIST
Why I loved it: I had never read Shauna Niequist before, even though she has several books out there. I guess nothing seemed to resonate before. At any rate, this particular book addresses the seasons of our lives and the need to step into the craziness fully. A bit of a flavor: “If someone gave you a completely blank calendar and a bank account as full as you wanted, what would you do? The first thing that leapt into my mind: stop, I would stop. I would rest. I would do nothing at all. I would sleep.” She addresses a certain season as feeling like “off reading.” I for one have been in that season more than one time! If you have as well, you’ll love this one!

5. THROUGH THE EYES OF A LION, by LEVI LUSKO
Why I loved it: Levi and his family lost a little girl unexpectedly. With great sadness, Levi is able to shine a light on God’s grace and Share the painful details but also inspire hope.