To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Growth

Don’t park at the place of your pain

This was one of those messages that hits hard. Have you ever “parked” at the place of your pain? As in, have you ever just “sat with it” for way too long, allowing it to simmer and create tides of sadness, fear or frustration in your life. I’m sure most people can either recognize this from personal experience or in observing a loved one who is not quite able to move on down the road (so to speak).

Here’s the thing, whether our pain was created by something we did to ourselves (think a bad decision) or by someone or something else, it still impacted us. We should be okay with owning that, because after all, we are living, breathing and fully human. Sometimes life is just hard. We do, however, have a choice to stay in the pain, or to spend the energy we need to in order to shift outside of it – and learn the lessons it provided.

The most important aspect of this to me, is that we need to give ourselves and possibly others the grace to do just that. My favorite definition of grace is “undeserved forgiveness.” Our lives are meant to evolve and we are best when we observe, learn and grow.

We shouldn’t “park” in our pain. We should extend grace generously (yes, even to ourself), and as quickly as we can and consider the pain a gift that helps us eventually live out our best life.

Mission critical: Getting to critical insights by asking better questions

I have tried so hard to start asking better questions, but I’m not sure I’ve come close to mastering this skill yet. I’m talking specifically about work, though it could (and should) be a practice in every conversation. It is a classic lesson to listen critically and to ask questions that get to higher level of critical insights.

How do the most innovative companies and their teams get better? You guessed it. Through asking better questions.

I just wrapped up The Innovator’s DNA (Dyer, Gregersen and Christensen), and “questions” are a major focus of the book. The book is a must read, in my opinion, for any business and any wannabe or current entrepreneur.

Here’s the thing: Asking good questions helps eliminate constraints, generates greater value, and provides answers to move us toward a better understanding of the stories we are telling ourselves. Asking critical questions provides clarity for not only us, but for others in the room. Essentially, this practice expands our capacity to go deeper still and pushes us and/or our organizations toward excellence.

So, how do you go about asking better questions? There are books for that – and if you find a particularly good one, let me know! – but also by asking others who are also focused on growth. Thus, my focus today. How can we help each other? Hopefully by offering up our thoughts on good questions. What are some strong examples?

Here are a few to get you thinking. The first one came from someone last week at my leadership offsite, and I really liked it.

  • If you had a magic wand to achieve the goals on this project, what would need to happen? What barriers could leadership take away?
  • What is holding you back?
  • If we did this or that, what would happen? Worst thing? Best thing?
  • Why? (The rule is asking at least 5 whys to get to the root cause…)
  • What is the smartest next step to take?

Your turn! Let’s all try to ask some better questions this week and elevate our teams and ourselves for great success!

Clear your day and let your mind move you

Tranquility | Quiet | Solitude | Time to truly think

Our days become full of “things” we want to check off of our lists – errands, texts, calls, meetings, studying, house projects… The list goes on.

We try to add balance by building in a workout regimen, scheduling lunch with a friend, or taking time to watch our latest TV addiction as the fall show schedule starts up.

What seems to be missing is time for true thought. Time to clear our mind. Margin to move from the to-do list to the dreaming of how I can make the greatest impact list. Time to think about what is necessary to achieve those dreams.

The human mind is powerful beyond our wildest imagination. It can navigate endless tasks and continually add new concepts and help us to learn and grow. Our minds are best able to help us achieve great things when we create time to think – freedom to have open space.*

Today, I hope we all might make a true effort to offload a few things. Heck, clear a whole day for nothing but staring into nature with the intention of allowing your mind to rest and rejuvenate. All while opening yourself up to big ideas and a clearer framework around current or new dreams.

Have the best wrap to your week!

*I could site several scientific resources here to support this. That's how important this concept is! Because I want these blogs to be easy-to-digest as you head into your day, I'll spare you the research. But, if you're interested, let me know!

Avoid regret at all costs

Wow. Doesn’t the idea in the quote totally push you to think?

“I could have been amazing… I could have had more impactful days, full of love and positive energy… I could have….”

What areas of your life does this apply to? Your health?

“I could have been magnificent… optimizing my physical and mental health… but I didn’t like the discomfort of pushing myself… I was afraid my body couldn’t handle it.”

What about your tribe and your relationships?

“I could have made that call to repair that relationship… but I was afraid it would end up bad.”

Your finances?

“I could have made time to plan… meet with advisors that have experience on the topic… but I thought those professionals were only for people with more money than I have.”

This goes on. Our minds have this powerful ability to create pathways of fear that stop us from living our best lives. They may seem to be meaningless or fleeting thoughts, yet they creep in and somehow stop us from:

  • Increasing that work out routine and feeling ever more energy and vibrancy
  • Allowing ourselves to be truly happy in a relationship
  • Making that appointment to ensure our financial world will allow us to retire at some realistic point

This is a crazy powerful message. Let’s hold each other accountable to not allowing fear to impact our lives. I fully believe god intended us to thrive so that we can help those around us do the same. We are only better together if we are healthy ourselves!

Bring on the best days

I so loved the quote in the image above because I felt the sense of urgency in the message. I don’t know about you, but the days seem to go increasingly fast, and the desire to make those full of light and joy seems really important…almost critical.

Before we dive into some ideas on “running” to lovely and GREAT days (I like that better than walking-), we should first try to identify what that day looks like for us. Here are just a few thoughts/questions to get your minds tracking….

  • What does my schedule need to look like to ensure my attention is on things that really matter? (How much margin do I need to really thrive?)
  • How can I best feel like I “slayed” the day while honoring myself (i.e… not over-scheduling, sacrificing your health…) and in being in support of others?
  • What will give me the highest level of energy return?

So… now that you know some thoughts on what a great day might look like for you, how can you RUN toward that joy? A few ideas off of the top…

  • Be all in – make a commitment to be fully present in each moment.
  • Elevate every room you walk in with a smile and friendly greeting.
  • Get out there! Get into environments such as nature that bring you energy…
  • Listen to amazing music! “Walk like an Egyptian” anyone?
  • Call someone who makes you laugh…

Please add to the list! We would all love your ideas! I hope you find yourself RUNNING to MORE and MORE LOVELY DAYS.

Don’t overthink this

Ah… overthinking…

I’d love to meet the person who claims to not have ever lost a night’s sleep overthinking. They will be one of my personal heroes!

Doing just a little bit of research, you can quickly reinforce the idea that overthinking is common and that it can lead us into a downward spiral that impacts our happiness. Overthinking is a common discussion point in school corridors, the workplace, and therapist sessions nationwide. (Think: “I couldn’t sleep last night, because…”)

Overthinking can be focused on the past or on thoughts that drift toward endless possible scenarios. These may include tomorrow’s big meeting, a fun date night out, an upcoming test, or even extending into processing the distant future…What will I be doing a year from now? Ten years? Other notable examples of overthinking in a not so productive way include reliving mistakes, rehashing conversations in your mind, or allowing your mind to simply worry about the endless what ifs.

The positive side of this conversation is that we can take the mind to a place of creative problem solving, or learning from our past experiences, and see incredible personal growth. That seems like a fantastic idea. U.S. News & World Report produced a short little read in 2018 that addressed strategies to get our minds to a more productive place. In summary:

  1. Catch yourself. (You can’t stop if you aren’t aware.) Learn to recognize the physical symptoms you might experience, when you’ve been replaying that stressful conversation in your mind for several minutes. If you can identify that pit in your stomach (or whatever it is) you can begin to shift your brain back.
  2. Call out your thoughts. The author’s example: “For instance, turn ‘I’m a bad parent,’ into ‘I notice I’m thinking I’m a bad parent.'” Step back and observe the thought process versus thinking it’s factual. Think through a truth that proves that observation wrong if you have time… that will immediately shift your mind’s narrative.
  3. Set a deadline. If you must, allow yourself to ruminate for a period of time and stick to the boundary. “I will give myself 15 minutes to think through that tough conversation, and then I will focus on solutions and a move-forward plan.”
  4. Shock your senses. “Thinking is a mental activity, so the best thing to do is start doing something… anything that uses the senses can work, smell lavender oil, or do pushups…”
  5. Give up perfectionism. Enough said.

Here’s to a great wrap to this week and to a September that takes us to the next level in our personal growth.

The radical, strategic mind

Happy almost weekend! As we wrap up the week, I’m mindful that with school back in session, those of us in the workplace are also gearing up for a strong end-of-the-year play.

To me, this season is sort of like January where we rise to the occasion and develop tactical strategies on how to achieve our professional goals. Come to think of it, we do this for our lives in general as well. It’s the ideal time to assess our wins so far for the year, and those areas where we haven’t hit the stride mark yet. The great news for all of us of course is we have more than a quarter of the year left — that’s plenty of time to regain perspective, strength and eventually hit the ball out of the park so to speak.

So what is a radical, strategic mind to you? For me, it’s getting out of the norm in thinking and allowing ourselves to be truly creative… to paint outside the lines. It is a fundamental difference in how we view whatever challenge is in front of us. Radical minds are those that are the voices of social and political change advocates, and those that often make the greatest impact.

The end of summer is a great time to fire up the mind. In theory, we had time to rest a bit and soak up some sunshine, and our minds and bodies should be prepared for a higher level of energy. My personal game plan is to identify a few key areas — for me, likely career and relationships — to focus on for the year-end wrap up.

Asking the right questions is critical right now:

  • How can I maximize my time to ensure I achieve my goals?
  • What areas can I “cut” or reduce so I can make more time for what is important?
  • What are the “must haves” that I have?
  • Who are the people I need to connect with?
  • What projects must get off of the ground? Are there some that I can move to next year? Why do they matter? Who can help me achieve these? 
  • What is a different approach that may be better?

Those are some of mine. How about you?

Have a wonderful weekend!

Rewind! This is a throwback post!

Be a force for love

I’m attending a leadership “edge” program this week so I’m going to keep this super short. The whole week is focused on wellness. The idea is that by focusing on wellness, we might find our own “edge” in being the best in this life. I’m pretty stoked about that idea. 

Being a force for love requires energy. I love this photo because it conjures up thoughts of a team working together – in unity – building optimal energy for their sport.

The sport of life is no different. Getting ourselves to a strong base level, and then locking arms with a team or community to unify around a goal, is perhaps the most profound work we can do as human beings.

The goal may be…

  • Raising up the next generation;
  • Teaching, coaching, advising;
  • Sharing our story with the hope of being in service to others; and
  • Creating innovations that help our communities thrive (including infrastructure needs and aging, providing healthy transitions from one season to the next).

So many opportunities to be a force of love. But first, optimizing our own health and wellness. We must start with finding our core strength: mind, body and spirit, and build from there. 

Have such an amazing week.

Energy is not unlimited. You have to decide where to invest it.

One of my great friends shared this with me last week. Such a powerful thought that I immediately put it in my phone to blog about.

So, how are you investing your energy? Are you feeling refreshed and energized still at the end of the week? I always start with the “people factor,” meaning, do you feel like your relationships are flourishing (at least those that you would like to nurture right now)?

How is your health? Are you proud of your recent exercise level? How about your food choices? Do they align with what makes you feel the best? Have you been able to enjoy summer (long walks at night, getting on the water, etc.)?

How about your spiritual health? Are you spending enough time diving into what your soul needs – where you thrive?

This could go on. Your career, for example. But it’s a start when it comes to asking yourself, “Am I spending my energy in the right places?” Truly investing, so I get the most out of it? Hmm… Food for thought as we go into the weekend.

Have a strong wrap to your week my friends! Invest wisely!

Time to set some big goals (or perhaps, just one that makes you proud)

Setting personal goals is one of the most important actions we can take. This topic reminded me that some time has gone by since I really locked in on this process for my personal life. As a matter of record, a few years ago I wrote down where I specifically wanted to travel, by year, for 5 years straight…and guess what? I actually achieved that – so I know there is indeed great truth here!

Goal-setting is so powerful that if we write them down, we are 42% more likely to achieve them, according to a Harvard Business Study. A more specific example from that research: “The 3% of graduates from their MBA program who had their goals written down, ended up earning ten times as much as the other 97% put together.” That’s POWERFUL.

So, why is this true? The difference is that this effort requires you to get them out of your head and into a place where you can set your focus and move forward toward their achievement. When you can actually visualize yourself at the counter of that restaurant you now own, or driving in that ultra-cool truck, you want it more. It becomes real. It isn’t about the competition; it becomes about creating a better experience for ourselves, and that often requires us to push to a new level of thinking and activity. Our minds can literally CREATE new paths to achievement if we can articulate what we want and begin to focus on how we might go about making those goals a reality.

The same blog that gave me the Harvard Study offered a few ideas on the “types” of goals. They are basic, but still a quite helpful construct when you decide to frame them up and put them on paper.

  1. Short Term Goals: Goals you’d like to go after in the next 5 minutes to 6 months. Of specific help, they are great as a smaller part of a larger goal. For example: I want to run a 10K but my feet often hurt. A short term goal would be to go visit a specialized running store this week and get educated on the “right” shoes for my stride. ( side-note: not sure what to do about that little fact that I hate to run…?… may be more than a short term situation!)
  2. Long term Goals: Goals you want to achieve that may take a bit of time. For example: I want to go on a 2-week trip to Greece.
  3. Lifetime Goals: The ultimate big-picture goals go here. For example, I’d like to pay for my grandchildren’s college education.

This little excerpt reminded me of the SMART goal setting process which you likely have heard before. Goals should be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-bound. (So, re-working the 10K goal above may look like: “As a part of my personal wellness plan, I would like to run a 10K in my city by March of 2020.”)

We have one life and we have the ability to do the unimaginable. I hope this blog encourages you to set some goals, write them down and move yourself closer to your dreams – ones you’ve held on to for years/decades, and new ones, too. I’m cheering you all on.