To Serve well

Serving with Excellence for a Life of Excellence

Growth

A Summer Series: Re-centering on what’s important

I am writing this on Sunday and it’s my mom’s birthday! Yay for 79th birthdays. Yay for life. As many of you who read this know, life is fragile… as in we or our loves ones can be living our best lives one moment and the next. Celebrations of all kinds are the very best parts of life; as is ensuring we are centered enough to devote our limited energy to what truly is important.

One of scriptures I’ve thought through often over the years references Jesus, “withdrawing to the mountain alone.” There are times he went with his disciples and times alone. I can resonate with that. At times, being alone seems crucial. And at times, I need to be surrounded by my best girlfriends (and of course my boys at other times!). The Bible references stories of him being among the “multitudes,” and then the need to remove himself to seek re-centering. I personally have always been more likely to want to “withdraw” to the water, and long walks on country roads or a wooded trail. Regardless, I envision Jesus resting in a cabin wherever he is, journaling, walking, napping, breathing deeply… all with an intentional focus on drawing himself closer to what he might hear from God. An attempt to find wisdom, to discern his next steps and to restore his soul so that he could engage fully.

This summer is different for me personally, so I don’t have any plans yet for a “cabin” retreat. I am in transition from KC to Arizona and my frequent travel is to make it back to see the fam. For 13 years, we went to a family camp, Pine Cove, in the beautiful Texas pines, and my heart and mind were always reinvigorated in the absolutely best way.

As I write this, I am realizing that this re-centering just has to happen, even this year, and probably, ESPECIALLY this year. When life get’s a bit crazier than we hope, we likely should double down on the recenter and restore playbook. My advice to my younger self, as well as all of those out there that may need it, is to absolutely commit yourself to this practice in your life. Stop what you are doing and create a retreat – any space that serves the purpose of restoration.

If you have favorite practices in this category of “re-centering” please send them my way and I’ll post out over the summer! I’ll be praying for all of you! Prayers for all good things… for just enough sunshine, ice cream cones, watermelon, fireflies, afternoon naps… and love overflowing.

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Boundaries are cool

Lysa Terkeurst spoke Thursday evening at an event I went to and shared a bit about a book she is working on right now. Lysa is the author of several books, but my favorite (and to me a must-read for all), is “The Best Yes.” It is always relevant for me and I think for most people.

She shared that she is working on the topic of “boundaries.” At first I thought, “I’m glad to be here, but that doesn’t really apply to me,” but when she shared the thought above I had to re-think my position. “Who HAVE I given level 10 access to who perhaps hasn’t even earned level 3? Who has access to my full energy and passion and does it even make sense?” (Especially in context of the information overload most of us have these days and the need to protect our energy and focus.)

So, whether it’s your boss, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends… who or perhaps even what have you given “level 10 access” to in your thoughts and/or actions? Level 10 as in the ability to take over your thoughts and drives your actions. Is there anyone or anything, that has this high access, but honestly they don’t deserve it? For one reason or another, they haven’t earned your full trust, or perhaps, their actions haven’t lined up as someone that always has your best interests at heart and aligns with your values and the legacy you hope to leave during your life.

To me, of her examples, the workplace experiences resonate the most. I can think of times in my life when I gave an inappropriate amount of mind and heart power to someone who frankly hadn’t earned it whatsoever. All in some type of ego-driven need to get approval. Why in the world do we do this? (Of course the harder ones are family. We automatically often give our family level 10, when (I can speak personally) that not in all seasons do even they deserve this level…)

I was thankful that in a room of over 2,000 women (and maybe a handful of men), Lysa spoke often of the importance of good counsel, friends and professional therapy when needed. The need to normalize mental health and the truth that every single one of us at one time or another need someone other than ourselves to navigate life was and is a needed and clear message. My guess is that her new work on healthy boundaries will be a best seller, as no matter what generation we find ourselves in, we can all use fresh thinking such as this on developing our best selves.

I can assure you that I will make it a practice now when I find myself overthinking a conversation or letting my mind otherwise go down a discontented path, to consider if whoever is bringing me to this place should indeed have this level of access. If I’m honest, I think I just might find some of these thoughts to not be worth my energy and that my level of “response” so to speak, should be at a much lower level due to the source. Here’s to more strong boundaries… higher energy, better relationships and living out our purpose with grace and badassery.

Have the best week ahead!

Life: Gear changes, adapting and new rhythms…

What a wonderful read. Tunde Oyeneyin was a new instructor at Peloton right around the start of the pandemic. I have my favorite for sure, but Tunde is a nice change up and her bold presence resonates when I need a bit more than a push. I didn’t know her story, but I certainly knew that her youthful spirit brought a bit of spice and that she’s definitely a fire starter & thought provoker. She released her first book, ‘Speak,’ recently. It is sooo good! Trust me, it’s an easy read that offers something universally impactful on every page. And if you don’t really care about all of that, the book just down right looks great. The cover is FANTASTIC! I’d definitely recommend you add it to your summer lake, beach, mountain… or backyard reading list.

Now, let’s dive a bit into the quote above. Tunde happens to be talking about the unexpected deaths of her brother and mom & dad in this context. Throughout the book, she also covers her life experience in education, race and culture, adjusting to new cities, relationships, health/weight challenges, and career changes… effortlessly moving from one very real topic to the next.

The quote above is just flat out the truth. We face all manner of “gear” changes. (My memory of gears is getting my bell bottom jeans caught in them and finding myself with skinned knees. Anyone else?) We often find ourselves having to work through the challenge… questioning whether or not the bike is going to self correct, or if we are the ones who need to make an adjustment. All being real possibilities, including getting stuck and falling face down… or the alternative, pushing through and watching the bike adjust and power through.

I happen to like the idea of “rhythms.” I find myself trying to find the new one in each chapter and season of my life. With fits and starts, I always pray that I will find myself locking in and adapting. Somehow, I always have… I suppose we are all naturally resilient in that way. It’s definitely not at all always easy to find, but there truly is not many better feelings to me than the wind in my hair as the bicycle finds the natural stride of the terrain… movement is indeed medicine. Here’s to a season of honoring where we find ourselves and rocking it to the crazy beautiful rhythm of life.

Simple Thoughts Sunday: Look back at the evidence. Pursing a lifetime of celebrations.

It was truly wonderful to be at my son Sam’s law school graduation this week. Nineteen years of school and he’s now achieved the goal he set for himself as a young boy. Our lives are made of our hopes and dreams, and in the process we are exposed to all manner of people, thoughts, experiences, fears and even magical moments that fill the gaps on the way there. 

I love graduations because they force us to reflect. They force us to hold the weight of what we or a loved one has accomplished. As we wait for the graduates to march in, listen to voices of those who have shared this journey, as a teacher, mentor or peer… and finally watch them boldly take the stage to physically accept their diploma, our minds have the opportunity to process the significance of the moment.

One of the speakers used the thought above in his words to the graduates: “Look back at the evidence.” He went on to talk how the process of law school had “unearthed capacities” they didn’t know they had. I liked that. It seems life is always “unearthing” capacities we have no idea we can achieve. How cool! This narrative points us to how important it is to consider where we have walked and how our day to day small actions add up and ultimately curate the story of our lives.  Look back at the evidence of your life and revel in where you are today.  

Pursuing celebrations early and often has almost always been a life mantra of mine. I’m thankful for this week’s reminder. It’s spring, graduation season and the ideal time to absorb, reflect and yep… celebrate. Cheers to anyone who is a graduate or who may be celebrating someone they love this month. May those moments be held tightly and honored as they well should be.  

‘Tis the Season… Energy rising, building momentum and a “should” detox.

Who is so thankful for Spring? It somehow seems magical when the weather is “just perfect” or at least “near perfect” and you can put on your tennis shoes and get a walk in… You can almost feel the momentum of your energy building. The impact of getting outside and taking in nature is so important to our overall health and wellness that when the conditions make that possible, we should take the hint and get moving.

As many of you know, I am a Peloton fan, and specifically that of Robin Arzon. I find her to be just what I need with a balance of motivation, real talk and a bit more than a gentle push… all in the spirit of helping us achieve whatever is best for us. That’s important because she readily acknowledges that all levels and all seasons of life are represented in her virtual classes, and often encourages modification. Somehow I think it is really important that all of us know that in life – whether it’s in fitness, food, mental wellness, spiritual, financial…or “name a segment of life” – modification is important. Sure, I know personally that I need pushed out of my comfort zone, but overall, if I am going to sustain pretty much anything, I need to fully be able to “modify” without feeling bad, weak, or anything that’s not supportive (or else… I’ll just stop… anyone else?).

In a class I took last week, Robin shared that she was going on a “should detox.” How awesome is that? Simply, replace “should” with “can!” As in, replace “I should have had a salad, but the pasta on the menu is what they are known for, so I really just had to…” with “I can have the pasta, but it’s not in alignment with where I want to be right now in my physical health, so I am going to choose the salad.” Okay, so that was too easy, but you get the point.

Who wants to see their ENERGY RISE even higher this Spring? I am at the front of the line. Along with the beautiful Spring days and the endless opportunities we have to step into our power through healthy decisions… for example, the “should detox,”… we have all we need to get moving and inspire ourselves and each other to action. I’d love to hear your tips… I know my friend Michelle would say “play Pickle Ball as much as possible,” and Anaxis would say, “increase your water.” I could go on! It’s energizing to share ideas on a topic that brings us so much good. Perhaps this week, our goal could be to start our conversations by asking for others to share their tips. In doing so, we can literally raise the ENERGY and VIBRATION of the environment around us!

Have an incredible week my friends!

What if I hadn’t

One of the highlights of my life are my friendships. No doubt I believe that these people were divinely appointed to be on my path. My creator knew … my imperfections, my wild heart and where I’d need a safety net or two. That led me to this whole “what if” thought. I’m not good at recalling the names of most movies I’ve seen, but I think I’ve seen one or two with the same theme. Oh how one decision changes our path!

What if I hadn’t taken that job…

I have so many women and men of faith that have literally surrounded me like the best NFL offensive line: Prayer warriors, deliverers of only the best energy and protectors of my soul. They have been my lifeline many days.

What if I hadn’t moved into that house…

And again, God surrounded me with neighbors that are now the very thread that connects and creates the fabric of not only my life, but that of my children… and eventually their children.

What if I hadn’t taken that trip…

I didn’t really want to go on that first women in business trip (an almost annual affair now) I’m busy… had young kids… insert every excuse… I exchanged those excuses for a plane ticket to the most beautiful destination: a circle of the strongest business women and some who just two months ago circled my son and his new wife in celebration of their marriage. They have become yet another life support for me.

I could play this out for another dozen or more stories, but my goal is always to be brief in my hope to stir your soul a bit.

What is the “what if” for you? Where do you need to stop and just be grateful for that path God has you on?! What potential meeting, trip, move, or other decision are you working through? Just imagine what might be on the other side of that!

I sit in gratitude today and I am so thankful for each of you. Have a deeply incredible week. I know it’s winter but the sun shines literally everywhere!

All kinds of powerful truth here: “I am not allowed to leave out of fear.”

‘Between Two Kingdoms,’ the absolutely astounding memoir of Suleika Jaouad, has too many profound thoughts to process probably in several lifetimes; however, the one above is all kinds of powerful. Her book is within the storyline of a cancer diagnosis in her early 20s that somehow seems to traverse through so many of the themes of our lives – those who have experienced great physical loss and those whose loss has come in other ways. There is so much magic in the beauty of her writing…it is like none other I have read. Her diagnosis, leaving her with clear wisdom and a desire to share it with the world. We all are so much better for it. (Just a reminder, that sharing your story is one of the most charitable and important things you can do in your lifetime. It is how we all rise above our tides… shared humanity. Please share yours!)

“…But I force myself to live by a rule: I am not allowed to leave out of fear.” … (In this case, she is on a solo road trip, a 100 day one.. trying to find herself after a long journey of one health crisis after another.)

The mind runs through so many possible scenarios here where leaving out of fear seems like a reasonable plan…

A tough physical challenge (and to be honest, sometimes even a harder than normal bike ride.)

A challenging season in a relationship… or better yet… entering a new “room” or relationship

Addressing optimal health & happiness (I know friends who won’t get a physical, colonoscopy, mammogram… see a therapist… all because of fear)

As you can see, I sometimes change out the word “leave” for “act” but in all cases, it is the same. Human nature is to run from what is not comfortable… to relieve ourselves of the perceived pain of hard conversations and pushing ourselves beyond what our simple minds believe we can achieve. We can often do so much more. Fear is the queen of lies, and often what holds us back from the best parts of growth and life.

It’s totally normal, and yet, we have to continue “moving” as my grandmother would say. Keep moving. Keep forging ahead. DO NOT LET YOURSELF LEAVE BECAUSE OF FEAR… A phrase I am going to tattoo in my mind. A real one isn’t a bad idea. I wish I had this truth much earlier in my life. I’m writing this for that reason. I am hopeful some younger folks as well might commit to this BOLD DECISION. What areas of your life do you find yourself having that urge to run? To get the heck out of dodge? To find a calmer pasture? When you feel that, consider making a commitment to yourself to be sure it is not due to a fear that you can possibly work through and perhaps be much stronger for on the other side. One breath and one step at a time.

Here’s to a strong week … a strong year… a strong LIFE. I am cheering you all on!

The assignment: What do you want to leave and what do you want to take with you in the next season?

The power in nature is incredible. I was given an assignment recently that I thought was awesome. It was also a bit harder than I expected it to be. In short: “Go out in nature – anywhere really – and find a rock. Hold onto it while you are walking and think through all that you are currently holding that isn’t helpful to you on your journey. After you have processed that, toss the rock aside and find something living – or that has recently lived – like a leaf for example and think through what you want to bring with you into the next season.” It was very therapeutic and unexpected.

The hard part was just that my mind didn’t want to go into that stream of thought. Getting out of our head and allowing nature to settle in and open our creative minds doesn’t just happen the moment you hit the trail. However, over the course of an hour or two, my mind cleared and I suspect yours might, too, if you give it a try. There is so much strong evidence that nature is perhaps the antidote to anything and everything that ails us. In a Psychology Today article from Nov. 4, the author shares that “Nature is the purest pathway to inner peace, and it recharges one’s energy and renovates the personality.” She goes on with three key benefits:

  • Harmony for the mind
  • Strength for the soul
  • Calmness for the body (going on to say that is it essentially has a “magical impact on our health.” – I love that)

As we head into the holiday and winter seasons, this seemed the perfect time to share this. Many have an extra day or two off this week, and taking the time to soak up some nature to connect and get grounded on what is good and useful and beautiful seems like a wonderful assignment. As we head into Thanksgiving tomorrow, I want you all to know that I count it a blessing to connect with so many of you via this brief blog and I am thanking God for the gifts you all are and praying for such a wonderful time of love and gratitude for you to experience over the holiday.

The power of our words

The truth in this quote is beyond powerful. Rachel Held Evans was an incredible and soulful author whose latest book, “Wholehearted Faith,” in collaboration with Jeff Chu*, came out last week. Rachel’s story is profound. I won’t go into that here, but you may want to check out her work. It speaks to me on so many levels.

The full quote:

“Something tells me that we might all be a bit more careful, a bit more gentle, if we knew how our words can travel through another’s ear and linger for a long time in their soul. What if we imagined those words sitting on one another’s kitchen tables, waiting to be reshaped? What if we knew just how much effort and time it might take to transform those ugly and heavy words into something beautiful and primed for flight..”

I grew up with the phrase, “sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you.” Anyone else? That is such BS. (Forgive my language choice, but when appropriate…) The power of our words are enormous. Here’s the truth: Words can indeed wreak all kinds of pain and and leave us wandering and replaying, taking us down so many paths that quite likely aren’t based on fact and hurt us.

While the reminder is appreciated, I felt like the POSITIVE lens was what was most impactful for me as I read her words. We have a fantastic opportunity to raise the vibration, elevate the room, lift souls… all by sharing what is good and honoring.

I have so many people in my life that do this soooo well and I love how they shine. To name a few, my sister (she stands alone!)… my friends Gloria, Melissa, Kira, Cindie, Michelle, Amy, Nan, Casi, Jennie and Candace. There are more and yet, I don’t thank them enough. Who are yours? They light a path for me and for others with their constant attention to their words being full of life and hope. What a gift.

I want my words to bring LIFE and JOY. I want my words (even when the conversation is challenging) to linger in souls, and to bring a feeling of true caring, warmth and genuine kindness. I know I really needed this reminder when I read this excerpt, and I hope that you all find this as powerful as I did. It flat out excites me that we can literally make our world better immediately by taking the time to be intentional with speaking out the good.

I hope that you will join me in doing just that. Let’s take some time to reach out and lift up those in our circle! Have a truly wonderful wrap to your week!

*At the request of her family, Jeff completed the book after Rachel’s untimely death- he did a wonderful job!

More perfect days: 3 ideas to MAKE IT HAPPEN

What is YOUR perfect day? This picture took me back to the days where you could drive down the highway in the back of a pick-up truck and the thought brought a smile. We’ve all heard the message that we only have so many hours, days and weeks, and that we would be wise to live our lives as if we may not have another chance tomorrow. It’s not the cheeriest message, but it is true and I know many of you have come face-to-face with that. It strikes me that a worthy goal for all of us could be to have more “perfect days.” Perfect as in: What really warms your heart, brings you energy, a smile and a deep sense of joy? Identify it, and then do it!

I love to ask this question as an ice breaker because it is a blast to hear everyone’s version. I love learning and observing the endless ways people live their lives and soak up happiness. Surfers, farmers, old car collectors, chefs, runners, quilters… all of it! I got to thinking it may be useful to blog about it! As always, I hope this is helpful as we all strive toward serving this world in a way that only we can.

  1. Get some CLARITY around what a perfect day looks like for you. I love to wake up early, add in a bit of exercise, a trip to the farmer’s market, spend time with someone I love, and maybe take a nap… On the other hand, I also love to have a lazy day with no schedule and the ability to just let the day flow as it does – reading, listening to great music, the latest Netflix binge, a good bottle of wine… There are no wrong answers! I see value in being specific – What food will you eat? What exercise will you do? Two or three versions of your perfect day could be a good start, including a work day!
  2. Next, SCHEDULE these! Living out our best lives takes INTENTION. I know this sounds easy, but it is truly amazing how you can look back on the past month and ask yourself how many “perfect” days you had and only be able to think of maybe one or two. Why is that? It’s because we have to put plans in place to clear off our days to ensure we MAKE IT HAPPEN. You may have to move things that aren’t your best yes, and that is simply okay. What if, for the month of November, you try to double the number of perfect days you had in October? Personally, that sounds like a goal worth my time.
  3. Share the idea with those in your immediate circle. Talk with your family, colleagues, etc., and ask them to do the same so you can hold each other accountable. Community is what connects us and helps us thrive. We truly cannot do this life on our own.

Here’s to another strong week and many perfect days ahead! Let’s wrap up 2021 with more joy than we started it with!